People who let their kids run around in stores

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Twilightprincess
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22 May 2022, 6:58 pm

Some kids have severe ADHD and are a handful. All kids are a handful sometimes. It’s best not to judge. It’s hard to say what that parent has already dealt with before we’ve encountered the family that day, not that there aren’t awful parents out there.



Joe90
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22 May 2022, 7:10 pm

Not saying parents that let their kids run around are bad parents, it's just that they seem to think that everyone else loves their little darlings and can tolerate them running down the aisles like they're on a race track, and even the staff don't care that there could be a serious accident by doing that.

It's normal human nature to only judge what they see on the outside with strangers in public - which is why I feel social anxiety when going out in public, because I know that people automatically will judge me because they don't know what's going on in my life or inside my head. That's strangers for you, they just expect everyone to be normal.

With kids it's a different thing. Unless I know them, I hate children and babies. They're loud, energetic and unpredictable. In the 1990s a child was taught to behave in supermarkets and restaurants otherwise we'd be told off by the staff before our parents even noticed what we were doing. So we were taught to stand near our parents and not climb on anything or run around in case we knocked over old ladies. And even I, a child with ADHD and ASD, didn't run around supermarkets. I had to walk beside my mum or dad and be seen and not heard. It's called respect.


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Twilightprincess
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22 May 2022, 7:16 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Not saying parents that let their kids run around are bad parents, it's just that they seem to think that everyone else loves their little darlings and can tolerate them running down the aisles like they're on a race track, and even the staff don't care that there could be a serious accident by doing that.


But you can’t know what the parents or staff think. It’s best to avoid the situation, unless a child is in immediate danger and no one is noticing, and not dwell on it.

I think it’s common to look back on our childhoods and remember aspects of them in a more positive light. People often think that they were better behaved than the current generation.

I ran in stores and thought it was especially fun to hide in clothes racks. My mom would give me hard spankings over this stuff regularly, but I thought the trade off was worth it.



League_Girl
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22 May 2022, 8:43 pm

Before kids I would have agreed with this and judge the parents for letting it happen, but after having mine, I realize it is not that simple. Kids don't have off buttons and you can tell them to not do it and they will keep on doing it. You can hold them and not let them do it but they will just cry and carry on and make more noise and you get more attention.

Some places are no place to have kids because they get bored and it is very difficult for them to not be wild because of boredom. Unless you are at a store getting essential things or at a bank and you had no other choice but to bring them, I can understand. For a long time I would just leave my kids at home when I had to go out and I never took them with because I couldn't control them. What was I going to do? Yell and scream at them, slap them to get them to behave? No that will just make me look bad. There were only a few times when I had to bring them with because my husband was too sick to watch them and my in laws couldn't watch them due to their disability and my son has ADHD so he gets wild when he is bored and my daughter picks up on it and acts wild as him.

My kids used to wonder why we never went anywhere and I told them why. Started to bring them out again and would remind them "this is why I don't take you out" when they would act up. I also used to just leave places too and they would be mad. I did that as a way to teach them to behave and to teach my son to control his hyperactivity more. Just because you are bored does not give you the right to be a wild animal or you lose the privilege to go out with me. This method only works when the child is old enough to remember your warnings and their past actions. This would not have worked on my son as a toddler due to his brain not being far developed. I don't think it would work on any toddler since they live in the moment. They have no concept of consequences to their past behavior and they won't remember it either.

And what's crazy is I have seen small children do fine in long lines and they manage to stay focused and not be bored but my son could never be focused and I could never keep him interested in his toys and activities so I just avoided long lines with him and would go alone. I knew there was something "wrong" with my son and this couldn't be normal but everyone kept saying this was normal behavior and saying if I took him out more often, he would behave. But if he acted this way, I would get overwhelmed and stressed and wouldn't be having fun anymore. I couldn't even take him shopping to get things we needed or he would act up and he would do so even in the shopping cart and what could I ask parent done to keep him quiet? Tape his mouth shut, duct tape him to the cart? Yell and scream at him ands tell him to shut up and threaten him? But people will judge you as a parent regardless.


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Joe90
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23 May 2022, 5:57 am

It would be nice if there were crèches at the supermarket you can leave your kids at while you go shopping. I would have loved that. Or do your shopping online if you have online access, which is the advice I always get.

I just don't like children, unless I know them (like my nieces and nephews). I hate having to share a world with children and having to put up with them whenever I go out. Most people (without small children currently) feel the same, which is why a lot of people book their vacations during school times, and not only because it's cheaper but because it's quieter. Children spoil everything, not just for their parents but for everyone. It's why I wasn't taken to the movies until I was 12, even to see a kids movie, because my parents knew I wouldn't be able to sit still and focus (due to ADHD). These days people bring babies into the movies. And babies are the worst. I hate them (unless I know them).
Yesterday in town there was this newborn who started crying but ran out of breath so just done a few quiet whimpers, then it took a deep breath, then - WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! !! !! ! Like how do they have the muscles to make more noise than a jet airplane?

Yes I know I probably did as a baby but that doesn't mean I can tolerate it now. I bet I pissed people off around me too. It would be nice if taping tape around all babies mouths was legal. A peaceful life.


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Caz72
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23 May 2022, 7:16 am

Quote:
then it took a deep breath, then - WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! ! ! ! ! !


when my son was born i hated him..well obviously not hated because i gave up drinking and drugs just to save my pregnancy but when i was alone looking after him as a single mother i couldnt cope with him crying

I even put him in the dust bin at one time but took him out again and fed and cuddled him but mentally i was all over the place and was tearing my hair out and i offten shouted I hate you!! !

dont worry it got easier when i had some help and the baby went to live with the father for a while
...
i love him with all my heart i always had done of course


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23 May 2022, 10:09 am

Caz72 wrote:
Quote:
then it took a deep breath, then - WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! ! ! ! ! !


when my son was born i hated him..well obviously not hated because i gave up drinking and drugs just to save my pregnancy but when i was alone looking after him as a single mother i couldnt cope with him crying

I even put him in the dust bin at one time but took him out again and fed and cuddled him but mentally i was all over the place and was tearing my hair out and i offten shouted I hate you!! !

dont worry it got easier when i had some help and the baby went to live with the father for a while
...
i love him with all my heart i always had done of course



I had similar feelings at the beginning too. My son had terrible gas the first 2 months and cried half the day. At times it was so overwhelming, we were both crying. My boyfriend travels for work, so I stayed with family for the first six months. After that if I needed a break he would stay at grandma's for a night. It does get easier as time goes on, but my son most like is ASD and has difficulty regulating his emotions. There is not much reasoning with him when he's in that state, which is doubly challenging in public.



Caz72
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23 May 2022, 10:14 am

my boy is 17 now and is way taller than me :)


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Fnord
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23 May 2022, 10:16 am

A family I know had their CostCo membership permanently yanked because one of their kids got away from them, climbed to the top of one of the shelf-racks, and got stuck up there.  The parents blamed the store (of course) for installing "climbable" shelves, and the store blamed the parents for not watching their kid.



kraftiekortie
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23 May 2022, 10:22 am

Kids can really be frustrating sometimes....



lostonearth35
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23 May 2022, 10:32 am

Just the presence of kids in a store makes me uncomfortable, which stinks since I spend most of my time in the toy department. If the store has toys I'm automatically drawn to them like a magnet, if not forget it.

And there will be more of them when school is out for the summer, with their lack of an indoor voice and clueless parents who think the store is a day care.



Joe90
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23 May 2022, 10:43 am

Babies and children are like farts - you don't mind your own (including those in your family, friends, etc) but are repulsed by other people's (as in strangers).

So take me round to see my nieces and nephews, I'll be cuddling them, playing with them, and just totally in love with them. But take me to the supermarket where there's a 3-year-old having the biggest tantrum in the world, and I become an angry child-hater.

I suppose when you have children you view children and parenthood differently. But when you have misophonia and sound sensitivities, certain sounds are hard to ignore or tolerate.


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ToughDiamond
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23 May 2022, 2:37 pm

My parents would never have tolerated me running riot in a shop, and I wish all parents would set boundaries of that kind. If the kid can't get the command though their heads, get a friend or relative to look after them while you're in sensitive public places, but don't fob off the problems of your reproduction choices onto innocent people. I don't mind a little bit of give and take but I do mind when it gets extreme. Mind you most of the shops I go in are too small for kids to do much running amok, so the main problem is the ear-piercing squealing some of them do. Babies do make a lot of noise and it takes them a while to learn self-control, so keep them out of the place till they have.



Pteranomom
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23 May 2022, 3:43 pm

My kid ran around in stores because he's autistic.



Pteranomom
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23 May 2022, 3:57 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
Babies do make a lot of noise and it takes them a while to learn self-control, so keep them out of the place till they have.

Babies are human beings and cannot help making baby sounds. Age is an inherent trait that people have no control over, just like sex, race, or disability, and babies have as much right to be in public as men and women, black and white people, abled and disabled people. You would not like it if someone said that you should be hidden away because of some trait you couldn't help.



Fnord
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23 May 2022, 4:03 pm

Pteranomom wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Babies do make a lot of noise and it takes them a while to learn self-control, so keep them out of the place till they have.
Babies are human beings and cannot help making baby sounds. Age is an inherent trait that people have no control over, just like sex, race, or disability, and babies have as much right to be in public as men and women, black and white people, abled and disabled people. You would not like it if someone said that you should be hidden away because of some trait you couldn't help.
Would you then let your children run around freely in a store or restaurant?  Good parents teach their children proper behavior when in public before inflicting them on others.