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KarmaB
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08 Dec 2022, 7:05 pm

I just got my drivers permit and had been driving with the instructor many times before. Though this time was with my mom I thought it would be the same as it was with my instructor. But as soon as I started driving my moms tone changed and she sounded a lot more rude and mean, so I simply told her to "please stop using an angry tone" because it was making me very stressed. She took that as an insult and began talking louder and telling me off while I'm trying to focus on the road (keep in mind this is my first time driving again since 2-3 weeks ago AND driving in a whole new car). I told her to please stop yelling and she started actually yelling at me, saying "this is what yelling is." I had finally had enough and yelled "stop it please" and started crying. She kept being rude and yelling at me the rest of the way home which really didn't help the atmosphere. I know I should be glad to have safe parents who care enough to let me drive, but this completely threw me off and overstimulated my brain all at once. I also have to drive with her tomorrow morning to school, though I don't know if I can ever drive with her without crying or not paying attention to the road. I feel guilty because she's just trying to help, but I don't know how much she's really helping if she's just repeating things I've already learned in drivers training. Am I in the wrong here, if so, how can I change to make her not yell so much while I'm driving?



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08 Dec 2022, 7:31 pm

If you have been professionally diagnosed as being On the Autism Spectrum then some things are likely true: You shouldn't try to multitask.

I try to avoid conversations when I am driving. My bride knows I am Autistic and so she sort of understands when I say "Remember my doctor's note! I'm not good at multitasking. I can pay attention to the road or I can pay attention to you...but not both! I'd really like to pay attention to the road."

P.S. I've been driving since the 1970s and over the years I have driven thousands of miles (or kilometers). I like to pay attention to the driving when I do it, though.

P.P.S. One thing I've had to learn and I blame my Autism for the problem. When a traffic light changes to red then if I can possibly stop I want to stop! That has gotten me rear-ended a few times because a lot of the other drivers are not as conscientious about stopping when they should. The accidents are their fault but it is still very inconvenient for me. Before you slam on your brakes because a light turned red check the rear-view mirror. If there are cars not too far behind you they will probably run the red light...try to stop for red lights but allow for the idiots that don't.


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ToughDiamond
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09 Dec 2022, 2:55 am

Yes unfortunately your mum isn't a qualified driving instructor. You might do well to warn her that if she doesn't calm down she might make you have an accident. My parents used to have nasty disagreements even while driving, and they had a bad accident largely because of that. They were lucky they didn't get killed.



Fenn
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09 Dec 2022, 7:23 am

When I was a new driver I had to make a rule. Never drive when my Mom was in the car. She just couldn’t control her anxiety.


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usagibryan
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09 Dec 2022, 7:31 am

Mom in passenger seat = anxiety. I think this is a universal rule.


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Zakatar
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09 Dec 2022, 11:31 am

My mom refused to get in the car with me when I was learning. My dad was my main driving teacher.


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09 Dec 2022, 11:55 pm

Your mom could use a lot of counselling, or at least some "passenger instructions" from your driving instructor. I can't even remember which parent taught me to drive. I was mostly self-taught off-road and encouraged to stop needing a chauffeur ASAP, so the instruction period was brief, but also undramatic.