do people hijack/interrupt your conversations?

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subliculous
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07 Jan 2010, 7:45 pm

one of the many reasons i'm reluctant to converse with people is the inevitable butting-in and hijacking the conversation. they give us crap about not socialising or conversing with people, but on the rare occasion when i DO get to speak to someone who will speak to me, or with whom i'm just trying to exchange information with? a third person will always come bounding up, butt right in, overpower me with loudness, take right over, sometimes as blunt as getting right in front of me between us, with their back to me. there's never an apology or an "excuse me". and then they steal the person away from me, the person i was speaking to turns immediately to them, as though i was never even there. and i'm not just exaggerating. this happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. even when it's with someone i consider a close friend and the conversation appears personal. suddenly i become the odd person out and end up having to walk away, because staying there futilely trying to ingratiate myself back into the conversation would only result in failure and make me feel ineffectual, and thus worse.

this happened to me approximately four times today. once with the only doctor in the hospital who will speak to me.

what ticks me off is that i was raised not to butt in and to be quiet, and to conduct myself with a modicum of manners, and so i'm the one who has to gingerly "wait my turn" and "know my place" in the social hierarchy to ask someone something, when there are two or more people conversing. and i'll never butt in unless it's important, urgent, or job-related information, and when i do get in a word edgewise it's always apologetically and guiltily. and i'm sick of it. it makes me feel like i don't exist, like i have no right to converse with people. they see the "different" on me, and don't like that i'm not adhering to the stereotype i'm supposed to perpetuate; god forbid someone converses with me. so they're pretty much indirectly telling me, "no talking to the normal people". or they're doing it to assert their dominance over me. it's all very dehumanising.

this, i notice, happens with frightening frequency since i stupidly moved back to my "home" state of illinois, where i never felt like i belonged or was accepted from day one, anyway.



pensieve
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07 Jan 2010, 7:56 pm

All the []ing time.


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CleverKitten
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07 Jan 2010, 8:17 pm

I would butt right back in. Treat them how they treat you. See how they like it. :lol:


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Elementary_Physics
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07 Jan 2010, 8:25 pm

People can be so rude!



superboyian
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07 Jan 2010, 9:00 pm

Oh yes, I can't stand it even more how people tell you something that is very important and then someone butts in and they be like,

person no.1: blah blah blah blah blah
person no.2: blah blah blah
person no.1: blah blah blah blah
superboyian sitting there listening to their blah's and typing on msn in such boredom.

10 minutes later

The person leaves and forgets what was important and walks off, I just think of it as pointless... Because it could of been very important news.

And back to what I was doing... Ah yes... Sleeping :P


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VincentVanJones
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07 Jan 2010, 9:51 pm

I steal conversations more then people steal mine :P



Keeno
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07 Jan 2010, 9:51 pm

It's not so much a third person butting in, but I can HARDLY EVER have a one-on-one conversation without the other person interrupting or hijacking as I speak, especially if they are a person with Asperger's.



CockneyRebel
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07 Jan 2010, 11:26 pm

That happens to me, all the time. I actually did butt in front of the person who hijacked a conversation that I've started, just recently. It was the most uncomfortable feeling that I've ever experienced, having to do that.


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poopylungstuffing
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08 Jan 2010, 12:33 am

It is the reason that I don't particularly enjoy having conversations with other people around...now, I am generally the conversation-interruptor..and will barge in with stuff that does not go with the flow of the conversation and will throw other people off. :wink:



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08 Jan 2010, 7:49 am

This happens to me all the time, it's like whatever I have to say is always less important than anyone else, it really does my head in. Occasionally I do it though, but then I don't always know when it's my turn to speak (you know, being as I have an ASD and all... :roll: ). However, if I interrupt someone, then I get told off for it. But if people do it to me, then it's ok, I guess they think they are far more superior to me to do this, it makes me so mad though :evil:



nupkin
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08 Jan 2010, 8:43 am

VincentVanJones wrote:
I steal conversations more then people steal mine :P


I think we need to try and develop VincentVanJones' mentality on this one. I too *hate* group discussions where I'm talking to more than one person. Even my own family talk over me or dismiss what I'm saying as they think "She's not grown up to understand the gravitas of the topic" etc etc. I get myself into a right tizz if parties are coming up.

I go through peaks and troughs in life where I'm confident, I make an effort with people and get to the point where I genuinely enjoy meeting new people. But then I get reclusive if something throws me off guard, for example someone criticises me openly in a group conversation. Over-sensitive I know, but that sends me in to a tailspin and I don't make the effort with people for a few months.

But sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and I'm in a good place at the moment. if I see people I know sitting in the canteen at work, even if there are lots of them, I make myself sit down with them and I end up having a really good itme. Sure, I misjudge timings of interjection and I'm often spoken over, but don't be polite or timid about it, just go for it!

It is a bit of a vicious cycle in that the more out of your depth you feel at making conversation, the less you'll want to, but you have to hold your head up high and just believe you can do it. Sounds trite, but it always works in my experience.



zer0netgain
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08 Jan 2010, 12:04 pm

People call this the "ebb and flow" of conversation.

It drives me nuts. When someone takes over the conversation while I'm dealing with something, I have to focus hard to remember what I was talking about and where it was going or I forget entirely.

Some people think it's funny to constantly interrupt, but I find it annoying because just trying to interact with others is stressful...I don't need jokes at my expense.



conan
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08 Jan 2010, 2:07 pm

VincentVanJones wrote:
I steal conversations more then people steal mine :P


I sometimes think i do that but it is usally just to say something short. I like to think i augment conversations. hahahaha :lol:



TallyMan
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08 Jan 2010, 2:14 pm

VincentVanJones wrote:
I steal conversations more then people steal mine :P


I sometimes do this too. Apparently I have a very bad habit of finishing off what someone is going to say. It is torture listening to someone say something obvious when I already know what they are going to say... get on with it already! :lol: People hate it, but I can't help myself. :oops:


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matt
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08 Jan 2010, 3:18 pm

CleverKitten wrote:
I would butt right back in. Treat them how they treat you. See how they like it. :lol:
I have tried that, but when I try talking the other person doesn't stop talking. Even if they've stopped talking for several seconds and I start talking I could have said several words already and they will start talking and keep talking as if I wasn't there and as if they don't realize that I was talking.



LuxoJr
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08 Jan 2010, 4:06 pm

No because a majority of my conversations never last more than a minute.


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