Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon

07 Jan 2010, 8:12 pm

I know you're probably sick of hearing this again cuz Ive mentioned it so many times.

But I don't know how, but there's been a real drop in the past few days (since Monday actually) where people have started to actually bully my friend.
I'm not worried about being bullied myself, but then it used to be where I just felt sorry for him and now it's like actually hurting ME, and I'm not even the one being bullied.

He says he doesn't mind (he said he found it entertaining...) even though I could tell he's a bit agitated.
But like for example, my other friend, the one who hates him the most, said a couple days ago how literally everyone hated him. Before that she said how She would let him throw a punch at her so he would be expelled and then everyone would be so much happier (that time he was clearly pissed off by that).
And also this one guy who said to her that he has mental problems.
Except he has aspergers and they're treating it like it makes a person a psychopath...
And now it's kind of hard to find a time where Im in class with him and he does something and people don't say anything about him behind his back or mock him.
Like I keep hearing and it's getting worse really quickly.

And I can't even say anything because if I do, they'll either start talking about me, or assume that I like him or whatever, or that I'm crazy. So what the f**k.
What can I do about this? I hate hearing that stuff, ever since I started going to this school I grew more sensitive and I don't know how or why. And it's gotten to the point where after my friend said how everyone hated him and I got home I cried.
And in just a matter of days...


_________________
We could sail on a pancake sail ship in an ocean of chocolate. And if it sinks we could hitch a ride on a ratatouille rocket.


superboyian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Sep 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,601
Location: London

07 Jan 2010, 9:53 pm

Awwww, do you actually have that much feelings for him that you actually really like him as a boyfriend material or something, that's what it seems to sound like in my opinon or like a friend in need.

I seriously think that the person who said everybody hates him doesn't sound like a very good friend and you seem scared to actually tell your feelings about the poor innocent boy, I've been in that sort of situations many of times until I point I came and stuck up for the girl who now happens to be my girlfriend. :)

It was such a painful experience seeing myself cry and get hurt over what happened to my girlfriend who got hurt...

The only thing to is try to get to know him even more so you both could develop a good friendship betweed you and the boy who you said who has AS, so he wouldn't feel as bad as such but also I seriously do think that you should report it to the head of the school or the tutor that it's going on and on and it needs to end.

If not, again, you could try and tell his parents which seems like a safer alternative, you would get alot of respect for it.

You are actually such a nice person, I actually like you for it :) because I would of done the samething.


Superboyian


_________________
Follow my adventures on twitter: @superboyian
Former co-owner of Aspies Central: http://www.aspiescentral.com

Currently Blint is stable and is undergoing physio. She is now able to walk with assistance and slow restoration of her right arm. Full recovery is looking promising, once again, thank you tremendously for your support. Signature is updated accordingly based on her recovery.


LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon

08 Jan 2010, 4:03 pm

No I don't have feelings for him, but I do think he is the most interesting person I've ever met.

The reason I feel stuff like what I mentioned is because he reflects a younger version of myself. Like he acts exactly the way I used to. So I feel as though when people mock him, they are mocking me.
He would make a very poor boyfriend, but he is a good friend whose quirks I can tolerate. However, if I were in love with him I would only feel sympathy, which I WISH was the most I could feel, rather than actual hurt.


_________________
We could sail on a pancake sail ship in an ocean of chocolate. And if it sinks we could hitch a ride on a ratatouille rocket.


arisu
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 161

08 Jan 2010, 4:21 pm

i think you need to decide where you stand because the situation will probably get worse before it gets better. in schools, once someone is considered a target they become fair game for everyone to pick on. it's pretty gross to consider just what people will make fun of others about (height, weight, athletic ability, disabilities).

you should consider how much this friend means to you. you mentioned that it was some of your other friends who were picking on him? i'd say that if you're really concerned, really want to help, then you're going to need to confront your other friends about their behavior.

of course another factor to consider is your grade level. if you're in high school, i think you will find that their treatment of him now may only be the tip of the iceberg. by aligning yourself with him, you may end up being the next one they tease. it's a difficult situation. if you're in college, then resolving the situation may be a simple as speaking up a few times and waiting for the semester to change.

i had a lot of friends who were bullied growing up. fortunately for me, it seems that something in my nature makes me an unsuitable target for bullying. i believe one girl attempted it in 5th grade only to find me unfazed but fully capable of defending myself if necessary. (while classmates and co-workers never got the best of me, i do have two older sisters which means by age 10 i'd built up plenty of defenses.) overall, my situation was a bit easier i could stand up for my friends without spending time worrying about becoming the next victim.

so seriously consider what you're getting into. personally i'd advise you to stand by him. if you think he doesn't deserve to be treated this way, you should stand by your convictions. but every action comes with its price.


_________________
"Life can be very confusing...filled with good things and filled with bad things. But it's my life...and I have choices." -Amber Brown


Robin_Hood
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 29 Dec 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 83

09 Jan 2010, 5:24 am

Personally I would stand up for him.. Anyone insulting a friend would get the same treatment.

As someone that possibly was a bit of a bully when I was very young, I became the champion of my friends. I would not personally tolerate other people doing that especially not people you consider friends. If they are truly your friends they will respect what you have to say and try to back off, if they are not then they will turn on you.

Which would you prefer? Would you rather be friends with people that might turn against you or would you rather be friends with nice decent people who respect you?

Similarly to the above post I used to have quite a few friends who were bullied at one time or another. I remember one girl I had been friends with for years being disliked by quite a few people years later in further education college, I couldn't understand why so I asked one of my friends why they didn't like her and they told me it was because they felt she was fake.

I told them she was one of the nicest people that I'd ever known and that they shouldn't think that way about her because it was ill informed and wrong... I stand up for the people I care about whether they'd do the same for me who knows? But I believe in fairness first and foremost.



Last edited by Robin_Hood on 09 Jan 2010, 5:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

VincentVanJones
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 462

09 Jan 2010, 5:32 am

Can I get an idea of the age/grade we are talking about? Unsure from the post if this is HS or what.

I agree with another poster, make a stand. If you care, stick up for him. Tell the other kids to f**k off. I am pretty sure he will be very happy, even if he won't show it. If it makes the others target you, so be it. At least you will have been a true friend and done the right thing.

If you go along with any of it, even joking, or even just being passive, you are guilty as a bully yourself.

Make a choice what means more: Him somebody you claim to find really interesting and nice, or the others who are targeting this person. Do you really want to be friends with people like those?



LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon

09 Jan 2010, 6:33 am

We are both in HS so yeah.

Also, I have asked one of my friends about it.
I couldn't tell them to stop, because it would be unfair for them because I know how hard it is to tolerate someone like him. And they noted how they find it amazing that I have that ability although I'm not the only one. He has many friends who are very nice and that is very fortunate, I haven't seen that too much.
Thing is, I know the others and my other friends find him annoying or rude, and there are too many people who think that, and I am not the kind of person who can just speak up about it. I've never done anything about my problems my whole life, so I don't know how I could just start now.
I want it to be fair, and I dont want to be hated. I know they find me sort of eccentric as well, but not as much as in a negative way. I try my best to be nice to everyone so I will not be hated, but then that sort of backfired because I failed to realize that that means someone else would have to be, since especially in high school, there's always someone who is.
But if there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of, that's that if this gets bad enough, and it will since it's only taken a short time to get this bad, then it will eventually get to the point where I will speak up, and probably become a target myself. But I think that would be better for everyone, since right now Im thinking of my own and everyone else's emotions rather than my own friend's.


_________________
We could sail on a pancake sail ship in an ocean of chocolate. And if it sinks we could hitch a ride on a ratatouille rocket.


VincentVanJones
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 462

09 Jan 2010, 6:42 am

Heres what I suggest:

It sounds like they target him because they find him annoying, not JUST because he has AS and is strange. Ideally arrange a face to face and mediate. Find out what bothers them about him, and if he has any complaints. Try to find a middle ground as you said.

I mean, you can just ask them not to talk to him or comment about him, and have him leave them alone, and still be friends with everyone.