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ItsJustAmber
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26 Jul 2012, 3:32 pm

Abstract I am the same way. I only speak to people when it is something I just have to say and then I lose track after it is said. This leads to uncomfortable pauses and a dead conversation.



tjr1243
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26 Jul 2012, 4:04 pm

Can relate to this, although people don't react as negatively to my being quiet as they do to talking at any length :?



SanityTheorist
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26 Jul 2012, 6:04 pm

Venger wrote:
I hate how NTs are always quick to tell other people "you talk to much". But then they often talk on the phone constantly. It's like they think talking on the phone is exempt and doesn't count or something. :roll:


I do find that odd...talking on the phone is icnredibly boring for me.


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Imweird
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26 Jul 2012, 6:20 pm

Yes, if I'm with people I'm comfortable with, I talk too much. And it's usually just spewing facts about an interest of mine and I assume everyone is interested, lol! But if I'm with people I don't know well, I clam up. And YES....I am often interrupted. I find most people just do not bother to wait their turn or at least say "excuse me." I am interrupted even by someone entering the room while I'm talking who just barges in and starts talking to the person I am already talking to. So it's not like they were waiting for me to shut up after rambling for 10 minutes. I think people today are generally much more rude than years ago.



shortfatbalduglyman
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06 Jun 2017, 9:57 pm

yes.

idiots have had the nerve to tell me "shut up" and "why are you so quiet?". talking too much versus not talking enough.

"you were talking too loud at trader joe's." versus "huh". talking too loudly versus too softly

some neurotypical extroverts, sometimes, act so judgmental. it's like they have a judgment about everything and they just have to announce it.



questor
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06 Jun 2017, 11:20 pm

Yes, it's the old damned if you do and damned if you don't regarding conversation. I have often been told I'm being too quiet, or am asked if I'm upset or unwell because I haven't been saying much, when it's just a case of either I don't have anything to say, or just don't feel like talking.

Then when I do talk I have trouble reading cues as to when I should pause to let others talk, or I just keep going past when I should end the subject, or I keep talking when something else starts. I also have a tendency to talk too loud sometimes, which also causes problems.

Fortunately, I grew up into a hermit, so I don't spend much time with people anymore, which cuts down on my conversational mistakes. I do make voice memos on my Tracfone, but those are just memory aids for my own use, and I don't care if I make speaking mistakes in them, and I delete them when I am done with them.

I have had these conversation issues for 5 and a half decades, so I don't see this problem going away. Glad I'm a hermit. :D


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richardbenson
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07 Jun 2017, 12:46 am

It happens to me too. Don't know how to get out of it


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Kiprobalhato
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07 Jun 2017, 1:31 am

^ for me, minimal talking seems to be the lesser evil.

questor wrote:
Yes, it's the old damned if you do and damned if you don't regarding conversation. I have often been told I'm being too quiet, or am asked if I'm upset or unwell because I haven't been saying much, when it's just a case of either I don't have anything to say, or just don't feel like talking.


saving your vocal energy for when you really have something to SAY. i like that.


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underwater
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07 Jun 2017, 3:59 pm

I tend to talk too much, and the reason for it is that I become anxious when I don't get any feedback. Then I either totally zone out or get very stimmy, and either way I draw attention to myself, which I hate. So I sort of control the attention by controlling the conversation, and I try and try to get people to talk so I don't have to, but it doesn't work very well because I live in a country of introverts and nobody wants to talk. So when I don't hear words, I have to read body language, which makes me very nervous.......etc. ad infinitum. I just wish people would stop looking at me.


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Nickchick
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09 Jun 2017, 3:11 pm

There is no balance for me though I wouldn't really say it has to do with this. For me it's moreso about being assertive vs being "lazy". I don't check up on my job applications I'm too disinterested. I do I become a pest.

As far as talking too much or too little it's I'm either quiet or too honest which is part of the reason why I usually stay quiet/vague. Just can't win but really as an introvert I'd rather not share my feelings but I also know that people want to know things about you so I try and share. However when I do it hurts as much in a different way because since I'm putting myself out there when I'm uncomfortable the rejection makes me feel unnecessarily vulnerable.
My biggest frustration though is talking too much doesn't result in people saying I'm rambling it's more about them getting annoyed with me because they think I'm not listening to them or I'm making excuses and sometimes they will suggest therapy (if I haven't already emphasized to them that I'm going..with NTs you have to spell it out almost). Why am I even explaining anything to them? They just do not get it. If they don't get it the first time they never will but I want them to get it since I need help so I stupidly try and wish I did not.



Eliza_Day
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11 Jun 2017, 1:56 pm

If I'm comfortable around someone and we have a connection I can talk a lot, otherwise no. Even though I, like every one, can talk nonsense at times, I'm not a fan of talking for the sake of talking and people who just waffle on about nothing all day irritate the hell out of me. They may talk a lot, but what they say lacks content. Generally for me, conversation has to have a purpose which means that I rarely engage in small talk.

I've always been accused of "being quiet", usually by men, who, no doubt would also be the first to complain about women who "talk too much"! :?



SaveFerris
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11 Jun 2017, 2:34 pm

Never been accused of talking too much , I usually say very little unless it's about a subject I know about and even then I try to be as succinct as possible


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11 Jun 2017, 2:56 pm

My family would probably say I talk too much, especially about my special interest. Other people would probably say that I'm pretty quiet. I'm definitely the type of person that has to warm up to people and know them for a long time before I begin to open up to them.


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slw1990
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11 Jun 2017, 8:34 pm

I feel this way a lot too. I sometimes feel like I might explain things too much or once I talk Iget to fixated on what I'm talking about. Most of the time though, I'm really quiet. Part of it is trust issues, but sometimes I just don't know what to say.



TheWarrior
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12 Jun 2017, 10:50 pm

Yeah I can relate to that.

The worst thing about being quite is because I feel that social pressure to say something, to talk about anything. But my mind goes in a spiral of trying to come up with something but then comes some anxiety and a fear that if I say something it will attract people's attention and they'll look directly at me and judge what I say, how I say or even just judge me as a person.



auntblabby
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12 Jun 2017, 11:14 pm

that was my mom's main complaint about me. :oops: