How did you feel when you were first diagnosed?

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ahayes
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20 Jan 2007, 1:43 am

At first I felt pretty good, I knew what was wrong with me. But as time went by I realized that there isn't any way to just cure my problems. I'll always have the problems I have, I may learn to get past a few of them and live a better life than I would otherwise but still, I feel like I have problems I can't really do anything about. It's also pretty shocking to learn you have a form of autism, as mild as it may be.



SteveK
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20 Jan 2007, 2:21 am

Well, I haven't had an OFFICIAL diagnosis, BUT.....

1. It is nice to now I am not alone.
2. It tells me what I have to watch for. MAN has that opened my eyes!
3. It encourages me to get back to where I was. I thought I was becomming more normal(NT), albeit way to slow, and was actually becoming less normal(AS)! NO WONDER why I was depressed.
4. It explains EVERY last thing! Even things I never dare talk about because nobody would believe me, and it seemed like I was from a different planet.

BTW like you, the idea that I have a type of autism is a real SHOCK. No offense meant to ANYONE, of course.

Steve



KBABZ
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20 Jan 2007, 2:30 am

At first I thought "Oh, okay, that's explains a bit. What were we talking about before again?"

Later, when I found WP, it was "Oh, thats explains some stuff! Hey cool, there are other like me! This is gonna be one heck of a ride!"

And when I saw a statement: "Wow, I have one of the world's most feared mental conditions! How cool is that?! I mean how many people can say that..?!"


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Laconic
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20 Jan 2007, 2:42 am

I felt ashamed at first and hid my diagnosis from my family for about a month or two. Eventually, I also realized that there is no cure for my AS (which is mild) and that I can only deal with it day-to-day. My sister found the psychologist that I'm currently seeing.



Droopy
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20 Jan 2007, 3:52 am

One day last year I went to my doctor and insisted on having the tests to find out if I had ADD, Schizoid whatever or loser syndrome...whatever it was, I needed to know what was wrong with me. She referred to a Psychologist who specializes in neurological disorders and she put me through the tests. Once she gave me the DX I was mad, furious might be a better word. After that kind of settled I went through a denial phase.... I mean...autism! My whole life sucked because of all things...autism!? So I started reading about it and then it all started making sense. The more I understood AS, the more I understood myself. It was like a heavy cloud was lifted off of me. I was relieved and finally, I made sense and there's a reason for it.

I spent my life thinking I was just stupid, a loser, a failure, an outcast because I just wasn't likable. My self esteem was pretty much at rock bottom all of my life because of how I was treated and people voicing their own stupid opinions about the kind of person I am. Well, knowing what I know now....they can all kiss my...you know!

I thought back to people who told me I'm selfish, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself, I need to grow up, I have too much anger...well yeah...duh! I was told I need help a lot usually after a meltdown but other times as well. People who say that might as well say "you need to go where they put you in a padded cell and give you pills". Stupid, stupid, stupid people. I need to do this, that, be like them, be like that person, this person.
All of my adult life I felt like and acted like a jester. I was always asking "What's wrong with me?! ! Why am I like this?"

I feel a whole lot better about myself now and am better able to "forgive" myself for past and present shortcomings. I need to be me, that's all I can be and that's all I will be. There are areas I would like to try to improve in but it's up to me to choose those areas and how I do it. Let those people put that in their pipe and smoke it!



Flagg
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20 Jan 2007, 4:00 am

"Whass aspperger mummy?" is pretty much it.



Emettman
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20 Jan 2007, 4:34 am

"KBABZ" has much of it...

A sense of things making sense,
A trace of a sense of community for almost the first time.

And in my wicked moods, just the idea of a label that could be a threat or a "get out of jail" card is amusing. I have to be a little careful in gauging how, for myself and for others, I should let the term surface. It could helpful and harmful, depending on intent, situation, prejudice...



Tesla
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20 Jan 2007, 5:00 am

Dr. Asperger’s diagnosed this in the 40’s not fully understood until 1994.
Yes something is different about me than other people. My communications skills are absolutely terrible, but I will attempt posting this Blog.
I was informed of the diagnosis, but not concerned or cared. I am too busy to care about societies expectations and seemingly limited patients or their lack of understanding.
I spend 75 percent of my waking hours gathering information for my collection of DATA acquisitions and experiments for understanding and recording numbers for newly found anomaly’s. This is my life, I have no friends except for my experiments, I am very lonely and don’t know how to reach out to others. It is extremely lonely I am sometimes sad others think I’m peculiar because of my love for science and isolation.

For the moment I dislike being called Aspergers only because that word had been repeatedly used against me in the diminutive as a young child. They said I had the little professors disease. But I tell you I am normal to myself.

Ever noticed how the rest of society tends to be like unthinking cattle, going to the slaughter. Or fish who all get caught it the same net. I tell you the truth, if you are what I am, we don’t swim with the fish. We think out of the norm, we swim differently. We see the world in our own eyes, we are Starters, Thinkers, Developers of new ways methods and formula’s. This is our nature not our curse. Aspergers is capability and ability. Not a disease. What do you think? Do you feel the same way that I do?

Malcolm



copernilol
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20 Jan 2007, 7:10 am

I was happy that I knew what was different about myself and that it wasnt an unknown problem to the medical community.
It was a nice little manual to help me deal with others, and for others to deal with me.



Bart21
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20 Jan 2007, 8:58 am

For me it made things fall into place.
I understood why i was the way i was.
Since than i started working on improving my social skills and they became much better.
My whole life has been alot better since than.
I think too many people fall for the self pitty trap though.
Blaming everything on Aspergers instead of working on trying to actually overcome it.



Starbuline
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20 Jan 2007, 8:59 am

I felt relieved.



OddDuckNash99
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20 Jan 2007, 9:56 am

I got a kind of "pseudodiagnosis," just having been told by my CBT therapist that I fit the DSM criteria. So, I was kind of skeptical because I had read about Asperger's and suspected it, but I didn't think I fit it because I don't have horrible social deficits and I don't speak in a monotone. All of those stereotypes. I just didn't want to be diagnosed with something I didn't deserve. But then, as I read more about it, I knew it was me. Then, I was happy to know what it was, why I was "different." And then I was finally relieved when I got an official diagnosis in September because I could stop worrying that I was saying I had something that I didn't.
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9CatMom
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20 Jan 2007, 10:15 am

I don't want it confirmed, not because I am afraid of the AS diagnosis. I am certain I have several strong traits indicative of it. I just don't want to be evaluated by a person who will limit me in any way and tell me my dreams can't come true. If I do get a diagnosis, I would rather have a person who can tell me that I can, and even need, to do certain things to succeed, things which I am already trying to do, and help me implement a plan of action, rather than saying "Oh, you can't do that."



SteveK
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20 Jan 2007, 10:42 am

Tesla wrote:
Dr. Asperger’s diagnosed this in the 40’s not fully understood until 1994.


WOW, someone FULLY understands it? *******WHO*******!?!?!?

Sorry, couldn't resist. If you REALLY think someone does though, let me at him/her!

Steve



Phantasmagoric
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20 Jan 2007, 6:08 pm

I actually wouldn't've known that there is a syndrome that matches my weirdness. Now, I'm glad that there is. My psychologist still bluffs at the idea of me having AS, contesting that I have "Smart Kid Syndrome." I don't think my mom fully understands, either; she says auties have something... "missing." (How insulting!)



subalternnavert
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20 Jan 2007, 6:42 pm

When the psychologist first told me, I started giggling. The scene from the TV show "The Tick" where The Tick discovers the "brain baby kicking" is called a headache. About a minute after I started giggling, the guy stopped and asked me what was up, and I responded with: "IT HAS A NAME?!"

Afterwards I was worried that I might lose my new job since Goodyear is completely and utterly anal about background investigations, but for no reason. The next day, I got a raise and put into a company training program to attain my ASE certifications. Go figure.