I get jumped a lot in queues - aspie, me or everyone thing?

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25 Jan 2019, 7:21 pm

I look young for my age and wear dark glasses.

People tend to jump in front of me in queues and if I point it out to them, they say nothing or they say something rude back or make an excuse.

Is this something which happens to everyone in the UK? Or is it because of my glasses and looks? Maybe a body language thing? Or is it just me that it happens to?

I'm saying it might be a looking young thing cos when I was an actual child I used to sometimes hold a queue for mum and I would have been a waste of a person to wait behind. But I don't look seven which is the sort of age I was when I did that...

I hate to sound like a cliché but it really bothers me. It's like they're saying I'm less important than them. If I was there first, I should be served first unless it's like our local supermarket where sometimes we discuss - in words and with gratitude - letting someone with a smaller amount of items through. Not someone who just decides they're too good to queue behind me.

Often times it's just behind me too. They're in a long queue and they jump only one place.

Sometimes I say something to the counter person after they're gone and not even the counter person offers sympathy.

It makes me feel like everyone thinks I'm inferior and not worth equal respect.



SilentJessica
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25 Jan 2019, 7:34 pm

I think it’s just people being rude. I don’t understand why they do things like that, but I hear about people pushing in a lot, so I’m sure it would happen to everyone.

I’m sorry to hear you feel bad about yourself because of it. When you stand in the queue, do you stand sort of outside of the queue? I thought it might not be obvious that you’re in the line. Maybe it could be because of your glasses, too. If they think you’re blind, they will think you won’t notice if they go in front of you and that they’ll get away with it.


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25 Jan 2019, 8:52 pm

Sometimes they're rude, sometimes they're preoccupied. Like I know I have jumped into a queue when there was a slight break in the line, and then apologized and moved when I realized what I had done.

If you don't like this happening this to you, you will have to assert yourself. You say in a very audible voice (I usually use loud, but as long as it's loud enough, you'll be fine):

"Excuse me, I was next in line."

In nearly all cases, this embarrasses the person into submission. You do need to employ a tone of voice that is direct and confident. Smiling and making eye contact also helps. Try it!


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26 Jan 2019, 12:30 pm

Actually people never jump me in a queue. I get jostled in shops and I get people walking right into me causing me to have to quickly step aside, but one thing I have never had happen to me was people jumping in front of me in a queue.


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26 Jan 2019, 12:37 pm

It's probably because I sometimes go outside of the queue to get the things which are advertised at the queue - what's the point of that? - but I don't always do that and I still get jumped.

Maybe it's a glasses thing, if so that's incredibly selfish.

And yeah, I normally stand up for myself only to be told something rude back or to be ignored.

This big biker bloke I shouldn't have said anything (he looked dangerous) but I did and he ignored me and the guy at the counter also did.



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26 Jan 2019, 12:48 pm

I'm 6'2" and a former martial artist. People are always jumping in front of me in queues. It's not you (or me)... it's them... they're pig-ignorant... or staring at their phones or whatever. If you make a fuss it just spoils your day and they remain pig-ignorant. Expect the lowest standards and you're never disappointed... but sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised, then it actually makes your day.


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26 Jan 2019, 12:57 pm

You could be right but maybe there's a body language thing neither of us are picking up on?

I think the body language for queues is simple though. Stand there. Don't go in front of others. Exceptions are verbal and include the word 'excuse me' and are started by the person in front. Eg 'excuse me but I'm going to take a long time and you only have a few items, do you fancy going ahead of me' 'yes please, thank you so much'. Not just walking in front of someone.

Yeah, I think they're just ignorant and I need to stop feeling bad about it.



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26 Jan 2019, 1:54 pm

No. No one ever cuts in front of me in queues.

Queuing is one of the great British traditions. You just don't cut in, its usually really frowned upon.



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26 Jan 2019, 3:52 pm

hurtloam wrote:
No. No one ever cuts in front of me in queues.

Queuing is one of the great British traditions. You just don't cut in, its usually really frowned upon.


Yes, I've noticed that. Doesn't matter how "weak" you look, people don't just cut in front of you if you're waiting in a queue, unless someone is a jerk, but if that happens usually everybody else in the queue would react, because where I come from cutting in queues is strongly frowned upon.
And if somebody isn't sure whether you're part of a queue or not, 9 times out of 10 they will ask first.


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26 Jan 2019, 3:59 pm

hurtloam wrote:
No. No one ever cuts in front of me in queues.

Queuing is one of the great British traditions. You just don't cut in, its usually really frowned upon.


I'm British and it's happening to me in England and Scotland. Mostly in England. From older people and strong looking people.

I don't matter that much.

I agree it should be frowned upon, they think it's funny when I try to assert myself.

I mean I'm not even that proud to be British but this is one of the things (and fighting the Nazis in world war two) where I really am. If only it worked for me.



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26 Jan 2019, 7:39 pm

They're just people who don't bother knowing who's supposed to be on the queues or not.

I concluded it was an attention thing in their part.

And partially a body language in my own part, that I may not be aware of as they mistaken me for not being in line -- instead of bothering if I'm on the queue or not.
Same with the opposite, except I do bother people if they're on a queue or not.



From where I'm, people would likely bother to ask me if I'm on the line or not. I've done the same, and they'll answer.
If someone's being an intentional jerkasses, though, most people would speak up.
Worse case scenario so far would be a verbal spat over it though. I've seen it at least twice, of course the one who cuts in line intentionally would have to comply as there were too many witnesses seeing it.

In some queues, seniors and PWDs are allowed jump queues.


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