Ever had an NT jealous of your autism?

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League_Girl
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26 Sep 2019, 12:10 pm

aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?



Maybe because who knows what she has on her mind when she said it. I find it very ignorant she would be jealous of your autism. If it's because of your great humor or great gifts you have such as talent or memory or how intense your interests are, then she should say she is jealous you are like that and she wish she could be as X as you. But not be jealous of your autism.

She clearly doesn't even understand what autism is. Even when I was 13, while I envied Simon's Lynch's gift of reading codes, I never thought "I wish I could be autistic like him" because I saw his limitations and knew I would not want to live like that and not be able to talk and communicate and I have already been there anyway but it was due to a language disorder, totally unrelated to autism. So ignorant thing to say.


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248RPA
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26 Sep 2019, 12:21 pm

aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.


Is there any chance that she had some undiagnosed issues, and she was jealous you had a diagnosis to explain your issues?

In any case, that is a very strange thing to say. Nobody can blame you for being angry.


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aquafelix
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26 Sep 2019, 12:30 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
Unless you are leaving some part of her response out or how she said it (was she flip? glib?): I may be empathy impaired but that was mean of you. She said she doesn't feel special but you focused on how you felt insulted instead of the fact she obviously has low self esteem. Aren't you a counselor?

Yes, I'm a counsellor, but that doesn't mean I can never make mistakes in my personal life! This wasn't a client or a work colleague and I wasn't in work-mode. I only recognised after the fact that what I said was mean. I just got caught up in my emotional reaction without thinking and then I felt bad about my response. We have repaired the friendship rupture and everything is good between us now. The person is a bit insecure, but also is also an exceptionally talented person which is also what made her comment seem so bizarre.



That's good. Does she know you view her this way ( talented, not insecure?)



I tell her she's brilliant all the time


that's good of you. Not that someone insecure should be coddled but acknowledging them sometimes does wonders esp. if coming from someone they (apparently) respect

She doesn't need coddling. I genuinely believe she is brilliant. She has a beautiful singing voice, she is creative and funny and smart and a wonderful friend.

248RPA wrote:
Is there any chance that she had some undiagnosed issues, and she was jealous you had a diagnosis to explain your issues?
I think she may have some minor anxiety issues, but nothing else that I can tell.



EzraS
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26 Sep 2019, 12:38 pm

red_doghubb wrote:
EzraS wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
red_doghubb wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
I had a bizarre experience today. A person I know well told me she was jealous of my autism. When I asked her why, she said it made me and another person we know (an aspie) special. She said that she was jealous cause she didn’t feel she was special in any way.

I was angry at what she said and asked her if she ever felt jealous of a person in a wheelchair or a blind person? She was really hurt by what I said, and in hindsight it probably wasn’t the best response. But, I'm baffled why anyone would be jealous. I don't feel special, I see my autism predominantly as a disability, with the difficulties far outweighing the advantages.

I often don't know whether I'm right to be angry about things. Am I missing something?


you realize you were comparing yourself to a cripple as if you (and they for that matter) are or should feel deficient or even self hating. There may be difficulties caused by autism but you should not let them lead you to (indirect) self denigration.


Do you realize that youre talking nonsense. He is doing nothing of the sort.

He is comparing himself to a cripple because that is a correct analogy. Autism, like blindness, is a disability.

Where did he say that "cripples should feel bad about themselves"?

If you met Stevie Wonder in person you might say "Stevie, I envy you for your musical talents", but you wouldn't say "Stevie, I envy you for being blind because it makes you special". The OP is just pointing out the obvious- that what the lady said to him was of comparable idiocy to the saying the later to SW.


As both an autistic and a cripple, I think both you and aquafelix are spot on.


Leaving aside cripple, this does make me wonder, is it the social skills aspect that makes so many ppl feel disabled? Referencing my caveat above with the clarification my ASD counselor thinks I have it: I don't feel disabled. In fact, I feel somewhat empowered because I am capable in ways that others I know are not regarding esp. intellect and skills. But then, I have no- to- little desire for social interaction or friends.


Autism can be very much a disability for some, like myself. In my case it has crippled me cognitively.



Dimples123
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27 Sep 2019, 7:45 pm

LMAO Nah, I'm usually exiled pretty quickly from NTs