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Technic1
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12 Jun 2021, 8:13 am

I have been getting hurt for the things I say…like physical violence isn’t worse than swearing.



cbd
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12 Jun 2021, 9:09 am

elaborate .. ?



Technic1
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12 Jun 2021, 9:14 am

Like getting physically violent with someone isn’t worse than words, it is!
‘-
Like an aspie having a word meltdown needs physical restraint?

Like an argument requires a punching violent fight…It doesn’t.



ToughDiamond
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12 Jun 2021, 4:51 pm

I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.



Technic1
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13 Jun 2021, 3:32 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?



auntblabby
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13 Jun 2021, 5:07 am

Technic1 wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?

by learning to deliberate, to slow down the verbal expression of thoughts until the frontal lobes have gotten a chance to be sorted out first. for smokers, they have a built-in delaying crutch to use, they just take a drag first, hold it in, then exhale before saying what is on their mind having given themselves good time to edit their thoughts for maximum utility and appropriateness.



ToughDiamond
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13 Jun 2021, 11:46 am

Technic1 wrote:
how do you improve your words?

Frankly my interpersonal style became rather less spontaneous when I realised how dangerous shooting my mouth off was. Probably not surprising. I guess the most important thing is to consider "is this likely to hurt their feelings?" before saying what's on my mind. To this day I'm still freshly amazed how much reassurance most people seem to need, how easy it is to offend them. It's as if the faintest suggestion of anything being inferior about them could seriously mess with their self-confidence. Makes little sense to me because if somebody says something "offensive" to me I usually just think "sez you," and it's rare that their words upset me. Over time a lot of the "filtering" becomes second-nature and some of the spontaneity comes back.



naturalplastic
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13 Jun 2021, 12:41 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Technic1 wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
I used to have this "sticks and stones" idea that words are completely harmless, I used to think free speech was all-important, but I was wrong. Words can be very powerful, and it's often important to choose them carefully.


This is exactly my point, how do you improve your words?

by learning to deliberate, to slow down the verbal expression of thoughts until the frontal lobes have gotten a chance to be sorted out first. for smokers, they have a built-in delaying crutch to use, they just take a drag first, hold it in, then exhale before saying what is on their mind having given themselves good time to edit their thoughts for maximum utility and appropriateness.


In other words "make sure brain is engaged, before putting mouth into gear."



skibum
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13 Jun 2021, 1:55 pm

Technic1 wrote:
I have been getting hurt for the things I say…like physical violence isn’t worse than swearing.
Words can be incredibly painful. I am often severely affected by things people say to me to the point of making me dysfunctional and even suicidal. Verbal abuse is just as destructive as any other form of abuse.


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auntblabby
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13 Jun 2021, 11:17 pm

lower your expectations of most people, see them as they really are, as just wetware noisemakers, akin to furless upright-walking dogs, and give them the same wide berth.



Brainiac42
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13 Jun 2021, 11:21 pm

auntblabby wrote:
lower your expectations of most people, see them as they really are, as just wetware noisemakers, akin to furless upright-walking dogs, and give them the same wide berth.


Hahahaha.



Technic1
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15 Jun 2021, 4:05 am

Do you believe in Telepathy?!?

Pictures in your mind are telepathy too, thinking about it!



auntblabby
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15 Jun 2021, 4:11 am

i have, when i was young, experienced telepathy. as i grew older, whatever facility i had seems to have grown rarer but not entirely absent. i have experienced mental pictures, often months or years ahead of time, that became manifest in the fullness of time.



shortfatbalduglyman
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15 Jun 2021, 10:21 am

"actions speak louder than words"

Freedom of speech

"Loose lips sink ships"



auntblabby
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15 Jun 2021, 9:58 pm

a quote from one flew over the cuckoo's nest - "'a rolling stone gathers no moss' makes about as much sense, as 'don't wash your dirty underwear in public.'"



RadioDog
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15 Jun 2021, 10:32 pm

What everyone else has said.

Learning to keep my lips closed (most of the time) has saved me from a lot of pain and heartache in the last several years. Took me decades to figure it out finally. And I don't always manage to block that impulse to speak before it's too late. But it makes a world of difference.

Someone told me once "Your opinion rarely matters." And they weren't trying to be mean. But it's true, if you think about it: Does my opinion really matter to people above me in social rank? To people who are aquaintances or strangers to me? Even to friends and family when they are doing their own thing?

Rarely.


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