I'm starting to feel like my life is pretty s**t.

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Kathulhu
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03 Jan 2021, 4:16 pm

Currently 19, turning 20 in a month and this whole covid quarantine thing has been a period of self-reflection for me... And it made me realise how pathetic my life has been up until this point.

During my childhood I had plenty of friends because around that time, everyone was only interested in talking about, well... Interests. It was much easier for me to make friends even if I was still shy. It was, honestly, a pretty happy period of my life. Then, came puberty and the teen years. I was a mess, barely had any friends (not counting pity ones), barely talked with anyone, didn't have a girlfriend, didn't get invited anywhere and etc. I feel like I might've missed out on a very fond chapter of life that many people experience. The change from kid to adult where you start going out with friends, have your first kiss, you lose your virginity and all that. Didn't do any of that at all and I feel pretty miserable over it.

I recently got diagnosed with austim, which would explain why I was bad at small talk and was only interested in talking about things I had an interest in. Is that an excuse for spending most of my teen years all alone and sad? Probably not, even if I got diagnosed pretty late and didn't know sooner. There was nothing stopping me from trying to get more used to talking with people, making friends and etc. instead of staying inside my home playing games, even if at the time I didn't know what was "wrong" with me.

Does anyone else feel the same and is it common for other people on the spectrum to go through something similar?



honeytoast
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03 Jan 2021, 6:44 pm

I was diagnosed late like you — almost a year ago at 22. (Wow I thought it a much shorter time period.) And I was the same. Very bold as a child, but still shy. I would wander away from my mother to talk with the cashiers at stores because I was bored. Something happened between childhood and adolescent and then I became a lot more reclusive/introverted.

I feel that part of it is just that being a teenager is tough. You’re going through a lot of changes with your body which causes a lot of self confidence issues and your brain is all ogled with a bunch of stuff. You are more aware of yourself and how others perceive you. You don’t want to be “weird”.

Part of it is all societal standard that you absolutely MUST do all these things at a certain time by a certain point. Sure, yeah, you could have done something sooner, but that doesn’t mean you never get to do it just because it wasn’t in high school. Life is different for everything and we all reach goals at different points. Everybody wants to claim high school is the peak of your life when it really isn’t. I didn’t have a good experience and that’s fine.

It’s okay to not have a good high school experience.

What I did at 14-18 isn’t going to define myself as a person ten years later. Being an adult is much more fun anyway lol.

You still are young. The ability to do many things has been shut down by COVID, but that doesn’t mean it will not happen.


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Joe90
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03 Jan 2021, 7:12 pm

I got my diagnosis at the age of 8 and I still suffered terrible social isolation through my teens, even though I've always been only mildly impaired. So having a diagnosis wouldn't have made much difference on your social life, as it didn't with mine.

Being a kid was easy because the social expectations weren't so high and it seemed easier to be included in play if you make some effort (which I did). But at around age 10-11, things started getting complicated; social rules got confusing, social expectations got higher, everybody became judgemental, girls got bitchy and cliquey, and I just got more and more socially rejected no matter how hard I tried to fit in.

They say that the ages between 17 and 24 are the best years of your life (apart from your childhood years), because you're young and you can still get away with being a kid in an adult's body. But I missed out on parties, bars, vacations, etc, because I didn't have the friends to do all those things with. And during these very years I suffered mental illness such as depression and anger because of knowing what I was missing out on. I beat myself up about having this curse (Asperger's) and had frequent emotional outbursts. And I think it was caused by a build-up of emotions from all the social rejection and social deficits I suffered as a younger teen that I was less able to identify at that age. So when I was picked on and treated differently at school for being me, I just put up with it, not realising that it was actually storing resentment and anger that all came pouring out in the first 7 or 8 years of my adult life.


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jimmy m
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03 Jan 2021, 7:20 pm

Were you bullied in your adolescent years?


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Dbz33
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04 Jan 2021, 2:08 am

Resonate with everyone's stories, I got diagnosed late and autism wasn't supported in my family even though I had obvious signs ... I am here if anyone wants too PM me and chat.


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Kathulhu
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04 Jan 2021, 9:14 am

jimmy m wrote:
Were you bullied in your adolescent years?

During middle school, not really. Then I entered high school and my classmates found me weird for not talking much, so whenever I said something slightly "funny sounding" they mocked me for it. I imagine that wouldn't have happened if I wasn't quiet so I didn't have more people paying attention to what I said.



Kathulhu
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04 Jan 2021, 9:18 am

honeytoast wrote:
I was diagnosed late like you — almost a year ago at 22. (Wow I thought it a much shorter time period.) And I was the same. Very bold as a child, but still shy. I would wander away from my mother to talk with the cashiers at stores because I was bored. Something happened between childhood and adolescent and then I became a lot more reclusive/introverted.

I feel that part of it is just that being a teenager is tough. You’re going through a lot of changes with your body which causes a lot of self confidence issues and your brain is all ogled with a bunch of stuff. You are more aware of yourself and how others perceive you. You don’t want to be “weird”.

Part of it is all societal standard that you absolutely MUST do all these things at a certain time by a certain point. Sure, yeah, you could have done something sooner, but that doesn’t mean you never get to do it just because it wasn’t in high school. Life is different for everything and we all reach goals at different points. Everybody wants to claim high school is the peak of your life when it really isn’t. I didn’t have a good experience and that’s fine.

It’s okay to not have a good high school experience.

What I did at 14-18 isn’t going to define myself as a person ten years later. Being an adult is much more fun anyway lol.

You still are young. The ability to do many things has been shut down by COVID, but that doesn’t mean it will not happen.


Currently trying to find a job I can work part-time. I do realise nothing much could've been done about my situation unless I was diagnosed earlier, but then I see other kids with autism having success socially where I failed and start thinking it's not an excuse. It sucks honestly.

I, technically, only became an adult this year as well since high school finished a couple months ago (I got held back one year) so that might be why I'm having more regrets over not doing stuff.



Kathulhu
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04 Jan 2021, 9:21 am

Joe90 wrote:
I got my diagnosis at the age of 8 and I still suffered terrible social isolation through my teens, even though I've always been only mildly impaired. So having a diagnosis wouldn't have made much difference on your social life, as it didn't with mine.

Being a kid was easy because the social expectations weren't so high and it seemed easier to be included in play if you make some effort (which I did). But at around age 10-11, things started getting complicated; social rules got confusing, social expectations got higher, everybody became judgemental, girls got bitchy and cliquey, and I just got more and more socially rejected no matter how hard I tried to fit in.

They say that the ages between 17 and 24 are the best years of your life (apart from your childhood years), because you're young and you can still get away with being a kid in an adult's body. But I missed out on parties, bars, vacations, etc, because I didn't have the friends to do all those things with. And during these very years I suffered mental illness such as depression and anger because of knowing what I was missing out on. I beat myself up about having this curse (Asperger's) and had frequent emotional outbursts. And I think it was caused by a build-up of emotions from all the social rejection and social deficits I suffered as a younger teen that I was less able to identify at that age. So when I was picked on and treated differently at school for being me, I just put up with it, not realising that it was actually storing resentment and anger that all came pouring out in the first 7 or 8 years of my adult life.


18-24 might be the best years of one's life, but I wouldn't know since I'm not going to college any soon, where most of these "fun years" seem to happen. Then again I do realise I'm still young till I hit 30, or if I want to go a bit further, 35 and could start trying to change myself for the better in terms of social skills, which I plan to do, but I still feel behind everyone socially, even from other people on the spectrum.



jimmy m
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04 Jan 2021, 9:57 am

Kathulhu wrote:
18-24 might be the best years of one's life, but I wouldn't know since I'm not going to college any soon, where most of these "fun years" seem to happen. Then again I do realise I'm still young till I hit 30, or if I want to go a bit further, 35 and could start trying to change myself for the better in terms of social skills, which I plan to do, but I still feel behind everyone socially, even from other people on the spectrum.


Many individuals that graduate from high school go to college and waste it. This is their first chance at living independently and they live a party lifestyle. They skip classes, change majors many times and eventually drop out of school. Going to college can help a person develop a well paying career path but in general you have to work hard to achieve that. You have to be well focused and avoid majors that have no practical worth in the real world.

I worked my ass off in college and had very little time for social life. Most people define themselves by their career. When my young daughter was in second grade, I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Well she slept on it and came back the next day and said she wanted to become a medical doctor. I told her that would take a lot of hard work on her part. She said O.K. And she worked hard and became a medical doctor.

So what do you want to be? With a career you can live independently, get married and live a life of adventure. And you can even have a bit of fun along the way.


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Kathulhu
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04 Jan 2021, 10:33 am

jimmy m wrote:
Kathulhu wrote:
18-24 might be the best years of one's life, but I wouldn't know since I'm not going to college any soon, where most of these "fun years" seem to happen. Then again I do realise I'm still young till I hit 30, or if I want to go a bit further, 35 and could start trying to change myself for the better in terms of social skills, which I plan to do, but I still feel behind everyone socially, even from other people on the spectrum.


Many individuals that graduate from high school go to college and waste it. This is their first chance at living independently and they live a party lifestyle. They skip classes, change majors many times and eventually drop out of school. Going to college can help a person develop a well paying career path but in general you have to work hard to achieve that. You have to be well focused and avoid majors that have no practical worth in the real world.

I worked my ass off in college and had very little time for social life. Most people define themselves by their career. When my young daughter was in second grade, I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Well she slept on it and came back the next day and said she wanted to become a medical doctor. I told her that would take a lot of hard work on her part. She said O.K. And she worked hard and became a medical doctor.

So what do you want to be? With a career you can live independently, get married and live a life of adventure. And you can even have a bit of fun along the way.


I've always had an interest in the ocean and it's creatures. I've been thinking for a while that I want to be a marine biologist.

My main concern right now tho is that I feel like I haven't lived a proper teen life of partying, hanging out and etc. Like those years have been wasted and they're gone.



jimmy m
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04 Jan 2021, 10:59 am

Kathulhu wrote:
I've always had an interest in the ocean and it's creatures. I've been thinking for a while that I want to be a marine biologist.

My main concern right now tho is that I feel like I haven't lived a proper teen life of partying, hanging out and etc. Like those years have been wasted and they're gone.


It sounds like an interesting career path. When I went to school, I didn't date very much or hardly at all. I always figured that romance and marriage would come after college and after I established a career. So when I finally earned my degree I found out that life is a bit of an illusion. I expected to have several job offers waiting for me. But I received no job offers. I spent around 8 months trying to get a job, I sent out 500 resumes and visited over 200 companies in person. But nothing. Eventually I stumbled into a job offer and I took it and built it into a career, worked for 40 years and retired. I expected to find romance. But that did not work out well. I met and dated a few girls, but suffered one broken heart after another. You see all those high school and college years, young men and women were learning how to date, how to find romance, how to find a mate. And all those years I was not. Therefore I was 10 years behind the eight ball once I started looking. They had already had their hearts broken and stumbled through the act of courtship and found some successes along the way. Whereas I was just a novice. Eventually I found a mate and we have been married for over 45 years. So it came but I had to work at the art of courtship. Nothing came easy.

Also I am an extreme introvert and introverts do not generally like to party. For us one or two good friends is enough.


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Kathulhu
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04 Jan 2021, 11:15 am

jimmy m wrote:
Kathulhu wrote:
I've always had an interest in the ocean and it's creatures. I've been thinking for a while that I want to be a marine biologist.

My main concern right now tho is that I feel like I haven't lived a proper teen life of partying, hanging out and etc. Like those years have been wasted and they're gone.


It sounds like an interesting career path. When I went to school, I didn't date very much or hardly at all. I always figured that romance and marriage would come after college and after I established a career. So when I finally earned my degree I found out that life is a bit of an illusion. I expected to have several job offers waiting for me. But I received no job offers. I spent around 8 months trying to get a job, I sent out 500 resumes and visited over 200 companies in person. But nothing. Eventually I stumbled into a job offer and I took it and built it into a career, worked for 40 years and retired. I expected to find romance. But that did not work out well. I met and dated a few girls, but suffered one broken heart after another. You see all those high school and college years, young men and women were learning how to date, how to find romance, how to find a mate. And all those years I was not. Therefore I was 10 years behind the eight ball once I started looking. They had already had their hearts broken and stumbled through the act of courtship and found some successes along the way. Whereas I was just a novice. Eventually I found a mate and we have been married for over 45 years. So it came but I had to work at the art of courtship. Nothing came easy.

Also I am an extreme introvert and introverts do not generally like to party. For us one or two good friends is enough.


I'm not sure I'm an introvert, but seeing as I don't know how to make friends with other people my age give that I don't like small talk, doesn't sound like I'd enjoy parties much either. I've only ever been to one, a birthday party, and only reason it didn't suck was because I had a middle school friend there that I spent the whole night talking with.

I guess some people just aren't meant for the teen life portrayed in movies, but then that leaves you feeling like you missed out on something and that you wasted them. That's how I imagine I am right now.



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03 Apr 2021, 2:37 am

Dbz33 wrote:
Resonate with everyone's stories, I got diagnosed late and autism wasn't supported in my family even though I had obvious signs ... I am here if anyone wants too PM me and chat.


Yeah same here. I'm a discarded piece of crap except my mother loves me by default and just hasn't been able to probably tell me she agrees with my other siblings and family that I'm garbage. She might genuinely love me but in reflection I genuinely love everyone and my family yet I treated them not the best. I'm so lonely.



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03 Apr 2021, 5:45 am

I am only sad because people wont accept me as I am.

I have to pretend to be normal all the time and they keep calling my special interests 'hobbies' and trying to take them off me.

They want me to be NT...its stressing me out horribly. If I refuse to comply, often because I can't, they think I am being difficult.

Please accept I am not normal, I am ok with it, and I try to control any behaviours that distress people (often through lack of understanding on their part) but please leave my quirks alone.

I like them and sometimes others have liked them too!

Sometimes they can be funny...but i guess it depends on perspective.

I can like people too but it tends to depend.

I find being normal exhausting. I am ok around people whom will let me be weird.



Earthbound_Alien
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03 Apr 2021, 5:50 am

Then again, looking back to before I knew about Autism spectrum disorder, I have lived with autism all my life.

Not only do I have it but so did my dad, although he was more rainman (but not so exaggerated) than sheldon cooper from the big bang. My mother was allistic/neurotypical and I am the hybrid.

It makes for an odd combination...adds a new dimension to life a think, and alternative perspective.



Earthbound_Alien
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03 Apr 2021, 5:53 am

Danusaurus wrote:
Dbz33 wrote:
Resonate with everyone's stories, I got diagnosed late and autism wasn't supported in my family even though I had obvious signs ... I am here if anyone wants too PM me and chat.


Yeah same here. I'm a discarded piece of crap except my mother loves me by default and just hasn't been able to probably tell me she agrees with my other siblings and family that I'm garbage. She might genuinely love me but in reflection I genuinely love everyone and my family yet I treated them not the best. I'm so lonely.


NO NO NO NO

Don't feel this way...please.

You have beauty inside, find it.