Finding it difficult to make friends at uni, any ideas?

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kraftiekortie
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11 Oct 2021, 9:35 am

I feel like the advice: avoiding too much alcohol, and avoiding drugs altogether.....is excellent, valid advice.

It's not something which would only come from a strict parent.

If I were a parent, I would be very "laissez faire." But I would certainly advise any new university student to seek to avoid something which would detract from the student's studies.

I can understand anybody who wants a "social life." But if one has too much of a "social life," one might not have enough room to do well in studies.

In essence, a student, ideally, should have a harmonious "work-life balance."

Saying this, I remember, when I was about 18 or so, how I didn't like people giving me the sort of advice that I'm giving now. It's understandable.



magz
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11 Oct 2021, 9:48 am

I haven't tried any drugs in my uni life but I did drink quite a lot - and I kept to some rules my parents gave me when I was a child and it was still abstract...

1. The most important thing about heavy drinking is with whom. You first make friends, then get wasted with them. Be with at least one person you trust your life with.
2. Never leave drunk friends on their own in a public place. Walk them home, put them in a taxi home or offer them a night on your floor - so they don't get robbed, arrested, hypothermic, etc.
3. Joining point 1 and 2 - make sure people you drink with will do (2) to you, too.


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ConfusedFresher
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11 Oct 2021, 11:48 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the advice: avoiding too much alcohol, and avoiding drugs altogether.....is excellent, valid advice.

It's not something which would only come from a strict parent.

If I were a parent, I would be very "laissez faire." But I would certainly advise any new university student to seek to avoid something which would detract from the student's studies.

I can understand anybody who wants a "social life." But if one has too much of a "social life," one might not have enough room to do well in studies.

In essence, a student, ideally, should have a harmonious "work-life balance."

Saying this, I remember, when I was about 18 or so, how I didn't like people giving me the sort of advice that I'm giving now. It's understandable.


See that’s why I’m having such a problem. I can’t drink and I don’t take drugs (health reasons) so when everyone is drinking everywhere I’m just like :?



Fnord
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11 Oct 2021, 12:00 pm

ConfusedFresher wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the advice: avoiding too much alcohol, and avoiding drugs altogether.....is excellent, valid advice.

It's not something which would only come from a strict parent.

If I were a parent, I would be very "laissez faire." But I would certainly advise any new university student to seek to avoid something which would detract from the student's studies.

I can understand anybody who wants a "social life." But if one has too much of a "social life," one might not have enough room to do well in studies.

In essence, a student, ideally, should have a harmonious "work-life balance."

Saying this, I remember, when I was about 18 or so, how I didn't like people giving me the sort of advice that I'm giving now. It's understandable.


See that’s why I’m having such a problem. I can’t drink and I don’t take drugs (health reasons) so when everyone is drinking everywhere I’m just like :?
Where can you find people like you ... people who share your interests?


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ConfusedFresher
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11 Oct 2021, 12:16 pm

Fnord wrote:
ConfusedFresher wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the advice: avoiding too much alcohol, and avoiding drugs altogether.....is excellent, valid advice.

It's not something which would only come from a strict parent.

If I were a parent, I would be very "laissez faire." But I would certainly advise any new university student to seek to avoid something which would detract from the student's studies.

I can understand anybody who wants a "social life." But if one has too much of a "social life," one might not have enough room to do well in studies.

In essence, a student, ideally, should have a harmonious "work-life balance."

Saying this, I remember, when I was about 18 or so, how I didn't like people giving me the sort of advice that I'm giving now. It's understandable.


See that’s why I’m having such a problem. I can’t drink and I don’t take drugs (health reasons) so when everyone is drinking everywhere I’m just like :?
Where can you find people like you ... people who share your interests?


I’m not sure, societies I guess



Fnord
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11 Oct 2021, 2:08 pm

ConfusedFresher wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Where can you find people like you ... people who share your interests?
I’m not sure, societies I guess
Does your college have any clubs or student organizations related to art, Legos, games, comics, or RPGs?  If not, can you start one?  While I did not make any lasting friends, I did find a lot of friendly people at the campus RPG club.


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Flown
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11 Oct 2021, 2:12 pm

Fnord wrote:
Does your college have any clubs or student organizations related to art, Legos, games, comics, or RPGs?  If not, can you start one?  While I did not make any lasting friends, I did find a lot of friendly people at the campus RPG club.


I like this idea.

Also, I wish my campus had had an RPG club! I love RPGs!


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Fnord
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11 Oct 2021, 2:45 pm

Flown wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Does your college have any clubs or student organizations related to art, Legos, games, comics, or RPGs?  If not, can you start one?  While I did not make any lasting friends, I did find a lot of friendly people at the campus RPG club.
I like this idea.  Also, I wish my campus had had an RPG club!  I love RPGs!
There is a lot of software on the Internet that supports RPGs.  For example:

Army General Vivien Hernández, 3562A3, Age 46, 7 terms, Cr40,000.
Skills: Admin-1, Air/Raft-2, Electronics-1, Gambling-2, Pike-2, Rifle-4, SMG-4, Tactics-1
Benefits: 8,000/yr Retirement Pay, Middle Passage, Rifle


Was automatically generated
 HERE 

(Refresh the screen for a new character.)


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kraftiekortie
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11 Oct 2021, 2:49 pm

They don’t have to know you ordered a Coke or 7-Up.

It’s none of their business, anyway.

You can be the “designated driver,” or some other role sober people play.



CinderashAutomaton
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11 Oct 2021, 3:44 pm

My number one tip for socializing is to remember that people love talking about themselves and their pride and difficulties.

How this translates to making friends at uni is how easy it is to approach someone working on something and ask them about it and the class they're working on it for (obviously not in quiet study zones like the library or study rooms). If your uni has a place with lots of tables or seating where people are able to talk and make noise, if you see someone working on something feel free to ask them about their work and classes. If they seriously needed to focus on their work, they'd likely be doing it somewhere else. Or they'd also just tell you that they're busy and that's no problem.

Being students automatically gives you an easy way to relate to each other. Just don't overdo it since they're obviously working on something. Like 5-10 minutes chatting max. Or if they aren't looking at you when talking and are only answering your questions, just say that they look busy and you'll stop bothering them, then walk away. No harm done and at most they'll be slightly annoyed for 10 seconds then forget about you.

If you find that they're interested in talking with you, ask them if they want to chat more over some food or grab a drink later.

Waiting in lines or for public transit is also a great place to chat people up. Again, just ask them what they're studying and if things go decent, ask if they want to keep chatting and grab a coffee or something.

Go in expecting that some people are going to be busy or uninterested, or that either of you might not have interest after talking with them a bit over coffee or lunch. It happens. But people tend to be a lot more open in post-secondary schools, and much less abusive. There's generally a kind of mutual respect going on for having gotten into college/uni, especially if you're studying something that might seem like a difficult field.

Oh and easiest way to figure out if you have similar interests is just straight up ask questions like "Are you into x?", "What kinda stuff are you interested in?", and "So what do you do for fun?".

Or at least that's been my experience.


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ConfusedFresher
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12 Oct 2021, 4:09 am

CinderashAutomaton wrote:
My number one tip for socializing is to remember that people love talking about themselves and their pride and difficulties.

How this translates to making friends at uni is how easy it is to approach someone working on something and ask them about it and the class they're working on it for (obviously not in quiet study zones like the library or study rooms). If your uni has a place with lots of tables or seating where people are able to talk and make noise, if you see someone working on something feel free to ask them about their work and classes. If they seriously needed to focus on their work, they'd likely be doing it somewhere else. Or they'd also just tell you that they're busy and that's no problem.

Being students automatically gives you an easy way to relate to each other. Just don't overdo it since they're obviously working on something. Like 5-10 minutes chatting max. Or if they aren't looking at you when talking and are only answering your questions, just say that they look busy and you'll stop bothering them, then walk away. No harm done and at most they'll be slightly annoyed for 10 seconds then forget about you.

If you find that they're interested in talking with you, ask them if they want to chat more over some food or grab a drink later.

Waiting in lines or for public transit is also a great place to chat people up. Again, just ask them what they're studying and if things go decent, ask if they want to keep chatting and grab a coffee or something.

Go in expecting that some people are going to be busy or uninterested, or that either of you might not have interest after talking with them a bit over coffee or lunch. It happens. But people tend to be a lot more open in post-secondary schools, and much less abusive. There's generally a kind of mutual respect going on for having gotten into college/uni, especially if you're studying something that might seem like a difficult field.

Oh and easiest way to figure out if you have similar interests is just straight up ask questions like "Are you into x?", "What kinda stuff are you interested in?", and "So what do you do for fun?".

Or at least that's been my experience.


Thank you :D this is v useful



ResilientBrilliance
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15 Oct 2021, 8:31 pm

I met my college friends in extracurricular clubs. Suprisingly clubs that weren't at all related to my major. Not sororities, I never liked the idea of them. I also met some people I hung with a few times just because we lived in the same dorm and saw each other around. I don't know if things are different now because of COVID-19. I distinctly remember being told its important to make friends 1st year because after that everyone already has their friend groups.



cyberdad
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15 Oct 2021, 9:12 pm

When I was in uni I found joining study groups is the easiest way to make friends.