Are any of you jealous of how successful some people are?

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Redpaws
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21 Oct 2021, 1:38 pm

Yeah, I get jealous of ppl who don't have the problems I have and that hold me back, and i envy those who earn a lot. I wouldn't mind being a politician for instance, earn really well for very little work.
And I def envy ppl who win many millions in the lottery


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Texasmoneyman300
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23 Oct 2021, 1:01 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I'm jealous of how my cousins have travel to places and I feel envy of my cousins, my sister and 2 friends of mine who have jobs. I don't really have a paid job, I volunteer but I would like to earn money and traveling would be nice. I don't like having a mental illness. Sometimes I feel other people with mental illnesses are successful than me in handling their emotions better. How do any of you handle jealousy?

i am jealous of all the billionaires and people on the Forbes 400.I try to count my blessings and tell myself multi-millionaire next door level is still pretty good all things considered and tell myself that i have oil wells and there's always others who have it worse off than me.But I do struggle with jealousy.



cyberdad
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23 Oct 2021, 1:09 am

I guess this is a universal trait, but I always thought Americans are culturally more supportive of success than Brits, Aussies or Canadians.

I think this has something to do with individualism. Americans are individualistic and the culture promotes and celebrates success. It's the opposite here in Australia, We have something called the "tall poppy syndrome".

But at a more granular level, I think it depends on your parents and peers, If they look down on you for not being relatively successful then that contributes to how you perceive success in others. A parent's comment about how well your cousin is doing is more likely to make you bitter against that cousin (especially if that cousin doesn't want to have anything to do with you because you aren't "successful").

The latter is something very hard to decouple as one gets older.



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23 Oct 2021, 8:34 am

Yes, I get jealous. Mostly of the things other people have that I don't have. Houses, cars, holidays, virtual reality headsets. That sort of thing.

I know people who have quite a bit of money though, and they don't seem to know they have a lot of money. I feel like they would be amazed (or appalled?) if they knew how little money I get by on.

I think when you have lots of money, your expectations (and expenses) go up as so it never really feels like you have a lot of money.

I mean, you get a higher salary so you go out and get a nicer house with a bigger rent or mortgage and a better car that you have to make repayments on, and uses more fuel to go the same distance, and you buy better clothes more often and eat out more and then all that extra salary is tied up and you still feel like you've never got any money.

But also, people's conception of what is a lot of money changes. They might go out and pay for a meal with friends and it's like £100 and it seems like nothing to them. And I'm thinking, I could feed my whole family for a week with that. How do you justify this? And then I envy them that it's nothing to them.

But then I remember that they work hard, and I don't, and that I have loads of time to spend with my kid and doing things that I like to do when she's at school and the work I do I can pretty much do whenever and wherever I want.

I'm very free compared to them so I try to value that.



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23 Oct 2021, 12:11 pm

I get jealous of NTs for not having things like autism, ADHD or other neurological differences or developmental delays holding them back, although NTs can still get mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and bipolar, it still doesn't seem to stop them making friends or fitting in.

So I'm not the type to be jealous of people individually, I'm just jealous of the whole NT population - from a neurological context that is, not cultural backgrounds or living situations. Just jealous of anyone with the typical brain wiring humans are supposed to have, because they don't know they're born when it comes to socialising (unless maybe they are held back by social anxiety, PTSD or shyness). But most just know how to say the right things at the right times and gain friendships. I'm jealous of that skill. NTs are such savants. :cry:


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IsabellaLinton
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23 Oct 2021, 1:46 pm

The only thing I get a little envious about sometimes, is when women my age have partners to help raise their kids and to help with household management (big repairs, car work, etc). Sometimes I'll hear women saying how tired they are or how much work they've been doing, but then they mention they have a husband (or wife) who shares the workload -- even if it's only a little bit.

I'm fiercely independent and proud of what I've achieved on my own. I wouldn't really want a husband. I could remarry if I wanted to, but I know I can't deal with marriage or living with a partner full-time.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm envious of people who CAN manage marriage and coparenting without losing their mind.



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23 Oct 2021, 2:02 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
The only thing I get a little envious about sometimes, is when women my age have partners to help raise their kids and to help with household management (big repairs, car work, etc). Sometimes I'll hear women saying how tired they are or how much work they've been doing, but then they mention they have a husband (or wife) who shares the workload -- even if it's only a little bit.

I'm fiercely independent and proud of what I've achieved on my own. I wouldn't really want a husband. I could remarry if I wanted to, but I know I can't deal with marriage or living with a partner full-time.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm envious of people who CAN manage marriage and coparenting without losing their mind.


It's like you're jealous of someone having something that you don't even want. I do understand what you mean though.

I'm sort of similar. I'm really independent and have been for many years. Apart from my daughter I don't have any family and so I have no one to turn to and I don't even k ow how to ask for help either.

I wouldn't say I get jealous of people who have got people to turn to but in times when I have been really low and perhaps in need of people it makes me feel sad. Those are the times when I realise how alone I am.



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23 Oct 2021, 2:08 pm

babybird wrote:

In times when I have been really low and perhaps in need of people it makes me feel sad. Those are the times when I realise how alone I am.


This is exactly how I feel. ^

I'm not envious of their marriage because you're right, I don't want that.

I get envious of the fact that they have the skills to be married. In an ideal world I would have those skills, and I could be married too. The only reason I don't want marriage is because it's too challenging for me (sensory adaptability, communication skills, conflict management, emotional expression, trust).

Those are the things I wish I had, more so than a husband.



Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 23 Oct 2021, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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24 Oct 2021, 4:50 am

This is exactly how I feel about clubbing. I get upset at the fact that everyone but me has been clubbing at least once in their lives, and I get jealous when I see my cousins out getting drunk with friends on Facebook. But I hate clubbing and getting drunk, but it still doesn't stop me getting jealous of others, because I wish I had the confidence and the mental energy to be able to push myself to do these things. But instead I'm scared of being out on the streets at night, I find clubs and bars intimidating and judgemental places, I'm not really into wearing tarty clothes, I don't like alcohol and I don't like drunk people. If I wasn't scared of all of those things then I probably would go out more and I probably would have more friends.


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1986
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24 Oct 2021, 10:27 pm

I'm generally not a jealous type, but I can get irritated at the fact that autistic people are commonly expected to perform at the same level as those without autism. Especially if you can mask your symptoms well enough to "pass".

Fine, I admit being able to mask is generally beneficial as long as you do it in moderation, but if you ever, God forbid, "play the autism card" in order to get some sick leave from work because of burnout, you can bet last year's savings on that others are going to get annoyed, as if having an invisible disability equals cheating, faking, or just not trying hard enough.

EDIT: To clarify, I get jealous of people doing the same thing I do, just without autism. An onlooker might think we're on the same level, but one of us didn't have to deal with all the sensory/executive disfunction junk to get there.



Last edited by 1986 on 25 Oct 2021, 1:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fern
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24 Oct 2021, 10:36 pm

Quote:
Are Any Of You Jealous Of How Successful Some People Are?

I used to be.
Now that I'm successful I'm so freaking stressed that I've just become jealous of people who are less stressed.
I guess there is always someone to be jealous of...


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skrish234
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01 Dec 2021, 3:02 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I get jealous of my NT peers for being better than I am at making friends. It's not that I don't want other people to have friends, it's just that other people having friends reminds me of how lonely and hopeless I am and I get frustrated, especially if socially awkward or odd people still seem to have friends and live normal active social lives. I beat myself up about it inside.


Same, sometimes I wish I didn't have ASD.



Erjoy29
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01 Dec 2021, 5:13 pm

It took a really long time, but I hardly feel jealous anymore. Over the years, I’ve really had to learn how to “let go”. I put most attention and focus on myself and my own life path. I focus on my own positives. And keep building.

Any time I do get a bit jealous of anyone’s good fortune, I tend to just look the other way or just “block it” from my mind. I distance myself from it. Good for them of course, definitely, but I just prefer to be apart from it. If I ever do reach more success in my life, I’ll be happy to celebrate others’ success. Unless they’re like my BFF or something, then I’ll celebrate their success no matter what.



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02 Dec 2021, 12:45 am

i was made custom, not like anybody else.



CubsBullsBears
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02 Dec 2021, 2:07 am

I mostly envy people who are in relationships. Like, what is it that they have that I don't?



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02 Dec 2021, 2:16 am

^^^but it is not impossible that you have something salient that they don't have. having social talent is not the only good in this world.