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Dear_one
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17 May 2022, 2:20 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
I most regret not being married by now.


"The next time I feel like getting married, I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
Rod Stewart



Polynechramorph
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17 May 2022, 3:33 am

Life is complex. There are no certainties and no one is able to predict which decisions will produce which outcomes. All we have are the decisions we've made based on where we were and what information we had.

To regret anything is to say that I'm so godly and knowing that a different decision would have produced something better. That's total BS and buckets-full of self delusionment.

What you are really saying in having regrets is that "I wish my life were different now than it is." or "I'm unhappy." This is a whole different kettle of fish.

I've learned to accept myself for all of the decisions I've made. After all, it was the best I could do at the time. If I were able to go back and change any single thing in my past I wouldn't be who I now am. I might already be dead or much worse off than I now am. No one can know these things.

I think that blaming who you are now on past regrets is an attempt at an easy-out. I doesn't really help in any meaningful way. I try just dealing with the here and now and working out what I have and what I can do to progress and stay happy.

Sorry if this offends anyone. I really get triggered by this theme. :wink:


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auntblabby
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17 May 2022, 3:41 am

no matter what anybody thinks, i appreciate that this thread is here for us to express our wishes for what would better have been in a very real objective sense. for example, i wish i'd had the money in 1986 [was a poorly paid PFC in uncle sam's army] to buy the IPO [only round lots accepted then] of microsoft which cost $10k then, it'd be worth prolly 30 million $macker$ now. i'd be [for me] rich beyond my wildest dreams of avarice. i'd be able to have a different vintage cadillac for each day of the month along with a big climate-controlled garage to park 'em all inside.



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17 May 2022, 3:47 am

auntblabby wrote:
no matter what anybody thinks, i appreciate that this thread is here for us to express our wishes for what would better have been in a very real objective sense. for example, i wish i'd had the money in 1986 [was a poorly paid PFC in uncle sam's army] to buy the IPO [only round lots accepted then] of microsoft which cost $10k then, it'd be worth prolly 30 million $macker$ now. i'd be [for me] rich beyond my wildest dreams of avarice. i'd be able to have a different vintage cadillac for each day of the month along with a big climate-controlled garage to park 'em all inside.


Tesla stock is a bargain right now and in my opinion the best investment of the century. (hold the tsunami of backlash about to come). It's never too late. :D


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auntblabby
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17 May 2022, 4:00 am

Polynechramorph wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
no matter what anybody thinks, i appreciate that this thread is here for us to express our wishes for what would better have been in a very real objective sense. for example, i wish i'd had the money in 1986 [was a poorly paid PFC in uncle sam's army] to buy the IPO [only round lots accepted then] of microsoft which cost $10k then, it'd be worth prolly 30 million $macker$ now. i'd be [for me] rich beyond my wildest dreams of avarice. i'd be able to have a different vintage cadillac for each day of the month along with a big climate-controlled garage to park 'em all inside.


Tesla stock is a bargain right now and in my opinion the best investment of the century. (hold the tsunami of backlash about to come). It's never too late. :D

what is it relative to its IPO price?



munstead
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17 May 2022, 4:51 am

Masking too much throughout my life. I wish I had paused years ago and contemplated why I felt so different and why I found so many things so hard that other people seemed to take for granted. Basically, I wish I had been diagnosed earlier.



auntblabby
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17 May 2022, 5:32 am

yeh, if they had dx'ed me right in the army, i'd have been given the boot and ended up homeless once again, where i started. but if i'd been dx'ed and treated they way they do today, back in the late 60s, i might be another bill gates.



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17 May 2022, 5:38 am

Regrets? Not really. But I do lament not having more time with loved ones who have passed. But, that's a different animal from regret. I can't change the past. It's a waste of time and energy worrying whether I should have done this or that. I can only affect life going forward so I choose to spend my energy on that.



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17 May 2022, 8:48 am

SpiralingCrow wrote:
Regrets? Not really. But I do lament not having more time with loved ones who have passed. But, that's a different animal from regret. I can't change the past. It's a waste of time and energy worrying whether I should have done this or that. I can only affect life going forward so I choose to spend my energy on that.


Brilliant! :D


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Noamx
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18 May 2022, 1:14 am

There are many things I can regret about, but probably the biggest thing was I was relatively late to find out about my Aspergers Syndrome.

When you dont exactly know what your problem is, its difficult to find a solution. Sure you can do a few things to improve your situation, but it doesnt always help. Or it doesnt help enough. When I finally found out about Aspergers Syndrome, the fact I have it, I started to work hard to become a better person because of that. Its alot of hard work, and I have to deal with alot of problems. I still struggle to this day to talk to other people sometimes. They also notice weird differences about me which sometimes causes them to stay away from me, which further isolates me as a person. I dont know why it has to be that way, but I know atleast its not always my fault. However, I learned to not take it personally alot of times, so that allows me to deal with it better, and thats why I'm in a much better place today.

Have you guys also struggled with this kind of thing? If yes, please share your story. I guess life struggles affect most people, but maybe my struggles were different than yours.



auntblabby
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18 May 2022, 3:40 am

i regret saying no when i should have said yes, and i regret saying yes when i should have said no. both have cost me dearly and transformed my positive life potential from lightning, to lightning bug.



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18 May 2022, 3:55 am

Quote:
What do you most regret?


Simples...
Being born. :?
That umbilical cord was right there in front of my face and I didn't use it. D'oh! :wall:


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ThisTimelessMoment
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18 May 2022, 6:48 am

I'm getting better at dealing with feelings of regret. I certainly wouldn't want to go back and do it all again! One lifetime of torture is enough thanks!
Changing the past would result in a different me and that could just as easily turn out worse. I have worked long and hard for the understanding I have managed to develop and am SO much happier than I have ever been before. Even though I still have enormous struggles.
I do feel it is important to acknowledge feelings of regret though. Intellectually deciding not to feel something is not much help if I do sometimes feel like that. Yes, the feeling is a form of self attack and unhappiness with my self. But part of me does feel like that. Part of me is so desperately broken. I need to care for that part and pay it attention. Part of me still wants to die, in fact. It only shows itself very rarely these days, but when it does, it is very unpleasant to say the least.
I need to hear what these hurt pieces of self have to say so that I can begin to bring them into a happier place too. So I can learn new habits to replace the horrendous ones I was taught as a child.
I see this as one of the paradoxes of living as a human.

So...
I regret missing out on so much of raising my son when he was younger. I'm not sure anything I could have done would have changed things. I am glad to be far away from his mother but I don't in any way regret my child.
I regret not yet having worked out how to deal with my apparent inability to support myself financially. I am making progress but it is so slow!
I regret I wasn't able to have a relationship with a particular woman I fell in love with. There have been others, but never quite like that.


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Polynechramorph
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18 May 2022, 8:53 am

Noamx wrote:
There are many things I can regret about, but probably the biggest thing was I was relatively late to find out about my Aspergers Syndrome.

When you dont exactly know what your problem is, its difficult to find a solution. Sure you can do a few things to improve your situation, but it doesnt always help. Or it doesnt help enough. When I finally found out about Aspergers Syndrome, the fact I have it, I started to work hard to become a better person because of that. Its alot of hard work, and I have to deal with alot of problems. I still struggle to this day to talk to other people sometimes. They also notice weird differences about me which sometimes causes them to stay away from me, which further isolates me as a person. I dont know why it has to be that way, but I know atleast its not always my fault. However, I learned to not take it personally alot of times, so that allows me to deal with it better, and thats why I'm in a much better place today.

Have you guys also struggled with this kind of thing? If yes, please share your story. I guess life struggles affect most people, but maybe my struggles were different than yours.


Getting a late diagnosis (for me at age 48) is hard. I often wonder what would have changed had I known earlier but it's more a curiosity exercise. We spent so much of our lives wondering why we felt broken and not accepted. It's a long deep hole to crawl out of. For me my diagnosis was the ladder which gave me access to be able to review, heal and rebuild. I try not to blame NT's too much for their unaccepting nature but sometimes I could just explode at their audacity. It's a fine line to balance along.


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Polynechramorph
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18 May 2022, 8:57 am

ThisTimelessMoment wrote:
I need to hear what these hurt pieces of self have to say so that I can begin to bring them into a happier place too. So I can learn new habits to replace the horrendous ones I was taught as a child.
I see this as one of the paradoxes of living as a human.


Yes I get this. Totally. My avatar is about exactly that theme. Pieces of a broken puzzle that somehow fit together. The cracks in the defiantly smiling face from years of weathering the storms of life as an Aspie. The Smile is one of serene tranquility that I aspire to every day, not always so successfully...


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ThisTimelessMoment
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18 May 2022, 10:11 am

^ ❤ the avatar

BTW (off topic) I was wondering about the middle portion of your profile name: nechra? Not necro exactly... what's it mean?


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