Is it common for some people with autism to hate praise?

Page 2 of 3 [ 47 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,801

02 Jun 2022, 11:15 pm

I hate praise. The speaker acts like their opinion is so important and that I have to believe it

However ("n" equals one) not a representative sample

Maybe everyone else loves praise

____________________

For example, when I was 36, a job interviewer had the nerve to ask "where were you born?". (Illegal question, but it is also illegal to tape record with written consent).

So I answered (location)

"Cool cool cool"

What the flying f**k, that ass hole?

My worthless corpse did not control or choose where I was born (or even whether I was born), and even if I were to have chosen it, I would not have been like "I want to be born where the job interviewer when I am 36 finds is 'cool cool cool' ". :roll:

He (they, plural) act like the sole purpose of the solar system is to make them happy

He (they, plural) act like they ought to have veto authority over anything they don't find "cool cool cool"


Sometimes praise is manipulative


____________



Last edited by shortfatbalduglyman on 02 Jun 2022, 11:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,754
Location: Australia

02 Jun 2022, 11:22 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I have Asperger’s and I hate praise and compliments. Is it common for people with autism to not like compliments?


No idea, but I don't like praise, generally.

I was once told I was the best in my field, by a major boss where I used to work.
I couldn't help but laugh at the suggestion. :mrgreen:
I don't value ego nurturing. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,754
Location: Australia

02 Jun 2022, 11:25 pm

Fnord wrote:
I do not hate praise.  I am suspicious of those who give praise, especially strangers and those who have never been nice to me before.  They always seem to want to get something from me, usually my money or my signature on a petition.  Sometimes I get something in return; usually a promise or something equally cheap.[/color]


I think your position is admirable. :thumright:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,



Also, as George Carlin said, "I have no stake in the outcome." I'll stick around for the comedy.

"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet."
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)
Read my lips:-I am not a fan of the orange man.-I would never vote for the Republican party given the chance.-I am interested in being objective and rational.


old_comedywriter
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 486
Location: Somewhere west of where you are

02 Jun 2022, 11:29 pm

Praise, compliments, and presents are all in the same category. Generic things are like salespeople who are overly cheerful to the point of being situationally inappropriate. Specific targeted things are meaningful. My favorite present ever was when my wife called the DMV and got them to expedite my personalized license plates for Christmas. Things like that are meaningful, personal, and even emotional.


_________________
It ain't easy being me, but someone's gotta do it.


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,098

03 Jun 2022, 3:47 am

I have some trouble when people praise me. Partly it's not knowing what to say back, partly it's knowing that sometimes people are just trying to ingratiate themselves and aren't being sincere. I think a lot of the compliments I get about my music performances are fairly genuine though. People in the audience don't have much to gain by pretending they liked my music, and on a good night I might get several compliments - it would seem strange if they'd all decided to make something up just to flatter me.

Part of the problem is that I don't feel a lot of self-esteem about my own abilities and achievements. So when somebody admires something I do, I tend to think that they wouldn't admire it so much if they knew more about me. And when I achieve something, I don't often see the result as being particularly impressive - it might have been hard for me to do, but usually it's nothing that anybody with a reasonable amount of brain couldn't have done pretty easily.

I've heard before that Aspies often have trouble dealing with praise, and I would think there's some truth in it.



y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,498
Location: Canada

03 Jun 2022, 4:17 am

Praises always feel a bit like manipulation, like the person saying them is above you and thus authorized to evaluate you. I can't truly enjoy them because I don't know if people giving praises are genuine or not. Compliments on the other hand are fine. Something like "those earrings are really unique". I give compliments freely to everyone.:D I want nothing in return and just hope to make someone's day a bit brighter. Of course sometimes I did get something in return by chatting with people.


_________________
AQ score: 44
Aspie mom to two autistic sons (20 & 19 )


cat303
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2021
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 53
Location: Formerly united kingdom

03 Jun 2022, 5:51 am

I only like it if I think I deserve it, like someone at work called a video I made good. They only thought it was good because they don't know how to do it, if anyone with a clue on video production had seen it they'd know how awful it was!

Maybe it's linked to my sense of justice?



aghogday
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Nov 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,819

03 Jun 2022, 11:15 am



Just Got Back From 'Dancing Around (Kinda Florida Hot)
my Neighborhood Block,' It's How i Naturally
Move As FRiEnDS With Gravity Balancing Force

Bio-FeedBack Head to Toe As Feelings Yes and
Senses FloW As Emotions Move Us Forward Now

From Head to Toe And 'God' Yes So Very Much More

in Flow of Generating LiGHT Within in Synergy
of Neurohormones and Neurochemicals
As 'Stimming' Becomes A Pure Free

Verse Art Naked
or Clothed in
Both Dance
And Song

Regulating
Emotions

Integrating
Senses As Metaphor
of How Planets Stay in
Orbit So High Above Without
Falling For What Seems Eternally Now For Real...

As i Was Dancing Around the Block, i Praised the Lawn
of One of my Neighbors, Perennially With the Most Green;

However, Not Unlike Trees That Reach Deeper With
Roots in Droughts to Become Most Solid Oaks oF All

My Neighbor Never Waters, Fertilizes, or Pesticides

His Lawn; Indeed,
Not Unlike
Wild Flowers

That Become So
Invasive With their
Ability to Generate Their
Own Colors Within It's True Some

See me as Stellar ThiS Way; Other
Folks See me As Weed; So Fascinating

The Human Condition is ThiS Way;

Roses Grow Great Coloring Even
More With the Best of CR8P All

Natural to
Fertilize
What
They Color
And Inspire of
Life; Both Within
And With the Beauty
Human Souls Do See and Relate;

SMiLes i've Been Bullied in Ways of
Verbal Abuse All of my Life; Even Through
Now at Least on the 'Wrong Planet' With Comments

Like i Should
Be "Strapped
Down in
A Mental
Institution
With A Big
Dose of Thorazine"

For Writing in a Way
on this Wrong Planet Attempting
to Cut me Down to The Size of
Others Calling my Flow of

Zen Meditation FLoWinG
In Tao And Wu Wei Singing
Writing Way Insane Yet of Course

i Understand They Do Not 'See'
Life the Way i Do; On the Other Hand/

HeARTS/SPiRiTS On the Same Days i've Received Praise
From Poetic Souls of Global Women Like "It Would
Have to Be Beautiful NoW Where You Live," "You are
A Gift of God With Infinite Positive Energy; You Are

A Light of the World;
Yes, A Gift to Us All"

Now Let's Keep in Mind
if You Haven't Heard More
of the DarK of My Story From
Ages 47 thru 53, i Lived As A Shut-in
in my Home With A Total of 19 Medical
Disorders in Synergy of Life Threat, Including Type Two
Trigeminal Neuralgia Assessed As the Suicide Disease As
Assessed as Literally More Tortuous than The Suffering

Of Real Crucifixion
in my Case From
Wake to Sleep

Continuously
For 66 Months,
No Drug Would Touch,

In Those Years of Darkness
More Severe Than the Hunch
Back of Notre Dame or Just Another
Phantom of An Opera, if Someone Told (Are You Nuts?)

me 'Hang on' You'll Get Through This and As You
Approach 3 Months Before 60 Years-Old on the
Last Day A Biggest Metro Public Dance Hall is
Open Before Covid-19 Closes it Down Yes

Two Beautiful Young College Age Women
Will Gift You Their Grinding Hips on the Dance
Floor As a Parting Gift When Covid-19
Took That One Avenue
of my Stimming
Art in Free Flowing
Meditation of Dance
Away on that Last Night
The Dance Floor Breathed Yes
Asking For 'My Number' as i Replied
Don't You Realize How Old i am As They Said
35 And i Whipped Out my Driver's License Real

Quick

And Showed
Them my Real
Number of Birthdate
of 6.6.60 And Made A Joke
About The Devil Don't Age

Yet literally, i Had Already
Existed in Real HeLL oN EartH
for 66 Months Within So for me at Least
in my Life 'That Omen' of Birthdate Came True;

Anyway After That i Showed them A Facebook Photo
of my Beautiful 50 Year-Old Wife then Now Just as
Beautiful at 52 In A Bikini on the Beach And It Didn't

Break Their
Smiles A Bit
They Only Seemed
Motivated Even More to

"Get to Know me Better"

In the Mid-Term of the Dance
Not Uncommon For A Group
of Young Women to Stop their
Car in the Dance Hall Parking Lot

And Beg me to Take my Shirt off
or A Group of Young Men Yelling
Legend At me Out of their Car
Windows At 2 AM in the Morning

Moving in Dance Back to my Car
on the City Streets Wee in Morning Hours

Then

Yet It's True i've Received A Few
Compliments on this Internet Site
the "Wrong Planet" On the Record

too; One of most Uncomfortable Comments
i've Ever Received in my Life, Someone calling

me "The Perfect Definition of God" Yet You See
They Too Were Stellar in the Ability for Metaphor

For What they
Meant is Life

is Full of Dark
And LiGhT and

It's True Without
Dark No LiGHT

So What they
Meant by

That is
The Dark
Created me
As i Overcame
The Dark And Became LiGHT

As DarK is LiGHT, THere is No
Separation Between No Thing And Every Thing Indeed...

Indeed, How Colorful Roses Grow in Deepest MaNure...

(During the Period of a Viral Video, A Voyeur took of
me, reaching About 90 Thousand Views, With 1300
Comments From the Facebook Social Media Metro
Audience, Young Folks Actually Bowed And Bent Down
on their Knees Clasping Their Hands in Prayer Mocking

Worship to me; i Will Not Lie That Really Made my SKiN Crawl)

Anyway, i Not Only Have Autistic Tendencies Diagnosed
By Four Professionals With Asperger's That Way Yet After

i Came Out of
Hell into Heaven
FOR REAL 'They' Never Saw
A Peaceful More Euphoric
Presence of A Human Being;

They Couldn't Specifically Label
it so they Called it "Bi-Polar Unspecified"

It Seems, They Never Met the Devil After He
Literally Got His Wings Back on Earth It's True

i've Been
Putting
the Realism
NoW in Theism
Ever Since 6.6.60

For What i Can See
For What i Do See
For What i Will See And Do of this

Life, Fiction is Far Behind Reality for me...

Very Few People Know my 'Sir Name,' Both Online

And Off; Most People in the 'Real World' Know Me
As the 'Dancing Man' All Around the Metro Area With
16,700 Miles of Public Dance in 105 Months Now it's true

i am Just about
As Recognizable
Now as the Weather
Man During Hurricane
Season on the Local News Hehe...

Yet i Never Want Any More Fortune or
Fame Than Naked Enough Whole Complete;

Living Legend Is A Compliment i Received
Just A Year into the Public Dance And Middle
School Kids Dressing Up As Me On Halloween

Way Back in The Fall of 2014, After Only A
Year of Public Dancing Then too

to Trick or Treat; Yes,
God Yes, Young Women
Dancing to Dancing
Voyeur Videos of me,
Saying i inspired
Them to Make
it Through School,
Trading Pictures
of me at At School

as a Local Pass-time too;

Pictures of me Dancing

on Complete Strangers
Facebook Backgrounds,

And Young Women Squealing
With Delight Telling me i Can't
Believe i Am Actually Meeting You Now

And i Said in Return i Am Nobody i am
Just A Wing on Air This Wind So Free Being i Am

Now

For it is in For Giving
That Makes the Thanks
Giving Real And All of this

is Just Icing on A Cake of
A Life Reborn From Below to Above For Real Now

i Come to the Wrong Planet to Gift What i Understand
About Life Now; How i Recovered From An EPiC 'Autism
Burn-out' And How i LiVE iN Heaven REAL Within This Way

On Earth Now Just Now Just Now Yes Just Now How i Staycation

in Heaven for 106 Months For Real As All All the Pain Then
And Numb Melted Away
on A Beach on
July 19th, 2013

As i Became One With
Sugar White Sands
Emerald Gulf Waves
Swaying Sea Oats in
Breeze Sea Gull Wings
Spiraling Around the Sun

Soon Then to Become A
Dance And Song of my

Soul For Real to Give
Share Care and Even
Heal Now for 105 Months

(10.5 MiLLioN Words of "SonG oF mY
SoUL" Longest EPiC Long Form Personal
'Bible' Poem Ever Recorded in Human Way as

Far as 'Google' Knows At Least
Hehe in Search Engine Ways)

Yes Much oF IT All Still Documented
Then NoW in 'Real Time' On this Internet Site

DarK Thru LiGHT;

Yes, Ever Since the Last 33 Months
in Hell Coming to This Internet Site

on ThanksGiving
Day 2010 in A Desperate
Attempt to Escape From the
Suicide Disease And Just to
Survive For One Second More in Life

Every Word Was A Mountain of Pain in
my Right Eye and Ear for That What Was
the Place the Devil Lived For me; for the

First 33 Months

i Had Almost
No Effective
Use of my
Eyes and
Ears in So Much
Pain And Soul Numb
Where i Couldn't remember
The Feeling of A Smile Ever
Then As True Emotions Are
Memories and Memories
Are Emotions

in that Place
A Thousand
Years iS iN
A Second of Hell;

There is No Reference
Point out of the Never Ending BLacK Abyss;

i Find It AMuSinG When Folks Try to Bring me

Down For You See i Understand Now The Valley
is the Same Height As The Mountain Top as Indeed

If not For
Hell Never

A Heaven
Like This for me...

My Roots Are Deep,
My Wild Flowers
Always

Color
my Soul
More my

Grass Is Green
in All SeaSoNS

i Truly Live as
Long as i Truly Love Now

"Not Afraid of Dying As Long As i Live Now"... More Specifically LoVE NoW

As 'Pat Benatar' Sings Hehe, Go Ahead 'Hit With me With Your Best Shot, Fire Away"

And Indeed if Compliments, Praise, And Worship Become YouR Ego A GreaTesT

Fall May
Come Next...

It's True i
Come Here
For the Lovely
'MaMure'; Either
Ignoring me

or Hitting
me with

A Best Shot Next;

my Roots Grow Deeper
i Could Not Love This Place
Any More Than This Now

There Are Two
Paths in

Life

Vengeance
or Victory; Yes,

The Goddess (Nike)
of Victory Suggests
'Just Do It' And In my
Case "The Great American
Capitalistic God of Money" iN

Shoe Sells Is No Part of my Life

i Saw 'That God' Die In Hell For Real
Along With All Other iLLuSoRY Fears...

Yes, Yes, Hanging on For the Golden Hand-Cuffs
of Federal Employment Early Retirement on Disability
After Working 25 Years for the Government And 8 More
Years for A Total of 33 Years Since Age 16 Does Give one

A Specific
Advantage

Both in Hell
And Heaven

As i Haven't Physically
or Mentally Earned A Penny
Now Since Age 47 in Financial Independence;

On The Autism Spectrum, Where You Just Don't
Fit in Anywhere Hehe Even on a Site for Autistic Folks;

You Put Some Money Away for A Cat-6 Hurricane One
Day; Reaching 62 on June 6th, i'll Finally Receive 100 Percent
of my Federal Retirement No Longer Considered Permanently Disabled

To Work After Receiving 40 Percent for Over A Decade Now It's True i

Don't Need
the Money;
i Planned
Ahead Way
Back then;

You Do What You
Do to Survive; You
Take The Piss and the
Sugar And The Droughts

And Best Fertilizers The Same;

You Live or Die; Some Folks Do
Hell, Other Do Heaven And True

Most Folks Are Just Luke Cold in the Tween...

i Don't Think Many Folks Would Like to Go

to WHere i've

Been to 'See'
Where i am
Now and Honestly

Where i've Been You
Have A Bit of Sympathy
For Every Devil Still to Come

or Who
Has Been
to Hell Before

For Real, So Many
Lessons DarK BRings...

DarK or LiGHT Muse,

It All Motivates me to
Rise More EternAlly Now...

~"Stay Thirsty mY FRiEnDS"

HeHe,

-You KNoW
'Who' For Real..;)



_________________
KATiE MiA FredericK!iI

Gravatar is one of the coolest things ever!! !

http://en.gravatar.com/katiemiafrederick


AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 64,948
Location: Portland, Oregon

03 Jun 2022, 6:43 pm

I hate it when someone compliments me. IMO, compliments are insults in disguise.


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,497
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

03 Jun 2022, 6:46 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
I hate it when someone compliments me. IMO, compliments are insults in disguise.

I understand that in Japan, "thank you" comes in ten shades of resentment for an obligation, and none of gratitude.



Dial1194
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2019
Age: 122
Gender: Male
Posts: 348
Location: Australia

08 Jun 2022, 4:47 am

I don't mind being praised for something if it caused a measurable improvement of some kind, and the improvement was significant enough to stand out from everyday stuff that everyone does. I don't like praise for nebulous things, or for 'being myself', or when someone can't give an actual reason. It feels condescending and slimy.

Examples of good praise: "Your rate of output in that job is 70% greater than anyone who's ever had it in the last ten years! You made us two million dollars extra profit! Thanks to your efforts we were able to secure Jimmy Moneypants as a sponsor; he specifically mentioned you!"

Examples of bad praise: "Oh, it's so great you tied your shoes! You're such a nice person! I'm sure you're doing well!"

(In addition, good praise is far, far more appreciated if it actually comes with a tangible reward; I'd rather get a mediocre assessment and $500 than effusive praise and nothing to show for it.)



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,639
Location: New York City (Queens)

28 Jun 2022, 1:55 am

y-pod wrote:
Praises always feel a bit like manipulation, like the person saying them is above you and thus authorized to evaluate you. I can't truly enjoy them because I don't know if people giving praises are genuine or not. Compliments on the other hand are fine. Something like "those earrings are really unique". I give compliments freely to everyone.:D I want nothing in return and just hope to make someone's day a bit brighter. Of course sometimes I did get something in return by chatting with people.

What exactly is the difference between "praise" and "compliments"? (To me those words are synonyms, except that "praise" suggests greater enthusiasm.)


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,497
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

28 Jun 2022, 9:39 am

Praise is general - YOU are good. Compliments are specific - you did that well. I wish I'd not had the Buddhist concern for endangering an ego with inflation and complimented my ex for the the talents she had. She might have kept doing more of what she was good at, and less destruction.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 56,888
Location: Stendec

28 Jun 2022, 9:49 am

Dear_one wrote:
Praise is general - YOU are good. Compliments are specific - you did that well. I wish I'd not had the Buddhist concern for endangering an ego with inflation and complimented my ex for the the talents she had. She might have kept doing more of what she was good at, and less destruction.
Some people cannot get enough praise.  Some even react to hearing praise for another as a personal attack against themselves.

ME: "She seems nice."
EX: "What am I, chopped liver?  How dare you not call me 'nice'?!  You never compliment me!  You always compliment everybody else!  You pig-headed swine!  You stupid . . . <et cetera>"

:roll: So glad that is over!



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 73
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,497
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

28 Jun 2022, 9:58 am

^^ Sounds like a narcissist. They are amazing and horrifying, and seem totally addicted to living in illusions.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 56,888
Location: Stendec

28 Jun 2022, 10:04 am

Dear_one wrote:
^^ Sounds like a narcissist. They are amazing and horrifying, and seem totally addicted to living in illusions.
Narcissist, bipolar, alcoholic . . . she also doctor-shopped to get her 'special' prescriptions.

She is one of those people who issue praise like coinage, expecting more value in return for just a few 'kind' words.  She is one of the main reasons why I am suspicious of praise and compliments from just about everybody.



Last edited by Fnord on 28 Jun 2022, 10:12 am, edited 1 time in total.