Is it common for aspies to not like the way they look?

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babybird
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05 Jul 2022, 3:01 pm

I never look like what I think I should look like but that's not to say I'm completely unhappy with my looks.

I think it's due to dissociative identity disorder and when I was younger I actually thought I was a boy so there was that as well.



funeralxempire
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05 Jul 2022, 3:04 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Sometimes I wouldn't mind being incorporeal, but then I remember there's some... corporeal things I enjoy.

Share with me. :oops:


:heart:


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catpiecakebutter
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09 Jul 2022, 11:37 pm

I'm overweight with diabetics.



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09 Jul 2022, 11:43 pm

I'm not fat, I'm just preparing for hibernation.


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10 Jul 2022, 1:53 am

I'm pretty sure 90% of people are insecure about their appearance.



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10 Jul 2022, 1:50 pm

I'm mostly indifferent. My appearance seems to affect others more than it affects me.


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jimmy m
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10 Jul 2022, 5:29 pm

This sounds like a common trait, not specifically an ASPIE trait.

For many years, I gained weight. Because I was a male, it didn't affect me very much. Sometimes I went on diets and lost weight for awhile, but I would eventually gain the weight back. Sometimes I did exercise and lost the weight, but then again I would always gain it back and a few pounds more. But when I reached my 60s I discovered I could no longer lose my weight. Even with dieting and exercise, I still gained weight. Not only that but a variety of medical issues developed. I had diabetes and high blood pressure and many other problems and I was taking prescription medicine to control these problems. SO I MADE A DECISION.

I had weight loss surgery called (Roux-en-Y) Gastric Bypass. I lost over 100 pounds and over the past ten years I have kept this weight down. I am a lot healthier. I no longer take medicine for the variety of conditions that went along with my excess weight.

So for me, this was an approach that worked.


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12 Jul 2022, 12:54 am

I want to look the way I did when I was 21, like a young Mick Avory instead of John Banner.


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Garthilium
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24 Jul 2022, 1:46 pm

I'm overweight or maybe more? BMI idk how it is with different facors it doesn't count. I feel indifferent about that I think, while my weight has fluxuated in past I don't really care that much to lose it and I am not really gaining any more for the last few months. I would say I dislike something about my appearance like facial hair but I'm not sure if I care about like my appearance to others at all. I don't like care to dress to impress or uh work on my hygiene more for others only if it annoys me.



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27 Jul 2022, 8:24 am

Yes it's common for people in general to dislike the way they look. I saw an experiment once that seemed to demonstrate that people feel fatter than they are. It was done back in the days when being fat was more widely seen as a mark of ugliness.

My attitude to my own beauty has wavered around markedly over the years. I hated my appearance till I was in my 20s, when I started to feel more confident that if a photo of me was taken with just the right lighting and viewing angle, I would look quite nice. I came to like my appearance even more during my 30s. After that it was downhill all the way as male pattern baldness set in. A couple of years ago I grew a beard which I feel makes me look better.

I certainly don't think other people judge my beauty in the same way as I do. I've always had an unusual view of what beauty is, and I've noticed that society labels certain people as "great looking" when they don't look all that good to me. Until my mid-20s at least, I thought long hair was essential to looking good. That probably comes from the 1960s when long hair (especially on men) was very fashionable with young people. A lot of people were advising me to cut my hair short but it took years for me to start thinking that it wouldn't just make me ugly. So I got a haircut from a good hairdresser. I was astonished when I looked in the mirror and felt I looked really nice, and I got a lot of compliments, and more positive attention from the opposite sex.



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30 Jul 2022, 2:44 pm

My mom, my NT sister, and I all have weight issues with me getting the most intimidation because of it.

Sometime next week, I will visit a gym to get a free consultation
to determine how much weight I should lose.

However, one of our bigoted uncles is 6'2'', weighs about 300 LBS, but thinks of himself
as the fittest person in the family. :lmao:


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DanielW
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30 Jul 2022, 2:51 pm

We as a society are conditioned not to like the way we look. that's what keeps people buying cosmetics, clothes, anti-aging, weight loss, and home fitness products and gym memberships.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but if you ask the average person if they like the way they look, I think you'll find most people don't.



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30 Jul 2022, 2:58 pm

I think its probably common among all people, not just ND folks. Society and the media and marketing all try to make us feel insecure about our looks, our health, our lovability, our ability to do almost anything. Its all about money. There are probably only a few percentage wise (fewer than there are autistic people) who "make the grade" as far as societies expectations for model good looks, being thin and fit enough, being wealthy and socially successful. Its all hooey and our concept of self and our sense of well being doesn't have to depend on the admiration of others we will never meet or interact with ever... I don't need anybody's approval to do things that give me enjoyment, I don't have to look or act a certain way to gain wealth, admiration, social success.... I have never known anybody who was happy in these descriptions. I have known fashion models who were miserable and I have never met more unhappy or messed up families than those I worked for who had wealth and power. Things from "the other side" are not necessarily the way society and the media portray them.


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31 Jul 2022, 5:10 am

It's a cultural thing and it seems most people don't like how they look. I know I'm not beautiful but always felt fine. I don't make a living with my face so who cares? I try to be clean and pleasant and that should be good enough for anybody who sees me. :) The inner beauty and health are more important.

*Also for a lot of people who are getting older, being a bit chubby is better looking than being too thin. The lines, sunken eyes and hollow cheeks can really age a person. 8O


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31 Jul 2022, 6:08 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I'm a overweight aspie woman in my late 30's and I don't like the way I look even when I get beauty treatments by dyeing my hair and eyebrows, waxing my eyebrows, painting my nails and wearing cool pretty tops. I still don't like the way I look because of my weight. I hate looking at my face in the mirror and I want to try to lose weight and even if I manage to lose some pounds I still will hate the way I look in the mirror. Do any of you feel similar this way and is it common for aspies to feel this way?


I think it's easy for autistic people to dislike their appearance simply because we're taught to. Everything natural to us is pathologized, and we're asked to fit an NT ideal of beauty. Our habits and affect are all described negatively, so over time it's likely we would internalize this.

Because our way of being is so bothersome to NTs, it's hard for us to understand this--except factually. We might assume there is something wrong with our appearance, then, not understanding why "special interests," direct communication, or solitude are so offensive. We know this is how NTs feel, but will never feel this way ourselves.

That's not even getting into issues of weight or style, which you mention. Culture, in general, is about making people uniform, and we are not uniform people.