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Regulan
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 4 Aug 2022
Age: 38
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Location: α Leonis

14 Aug 2022, 6:25 am

Some years ago I had to stay in a hospital for 2 weeks because my daughter was ill. We had no private rooms. I knew it would be like going to war for me because I had a severe trauma of hospitals. I put myself together and joined wathever I needed inside and there I was.

I had to share a room with all kinds of people, I could not sleep, I would cry the whole night in the bathroom and put a happy face and a calm forced behaviour because of my daughter every day.

Day 13th, late at night, I went out to pick a cup of tea and I suddenly did not move anymore. I sat down where I was, in the middle of the corridor, I did not want to but I cried and I don´t know what movements I dit but I was in this position of squeezing myself against a wall. There was a woman nearby and she held me by my arm and brought me to a room. She was the child psychologist of that section. The next days she would kindly offer me some 15 minutes of her time and would help me relax a bit.

I did and still do work those traumatic experiences to heal but if I remember well, there were many occasions where I felt more or less that way in the past (living with a very problematic father). Each occasion was something unique in a sense.

Leaving the hospital, I was still feeling very distressed and I discovered that something very bad happened at home during my absence. I´ve lost my mind and became aggressive for some minutes, than I felt terrible, I fell apart in tears and I felt miserable because I had lost control of myself.

These things don´t happend often at all, but I thought they were normal. Now I understand that they could be a shutdown or a meltdown, but I am still confused to understand for myself how which one manifests.

In a daily basis, if I feel very distressed I will do my best to tell people that I need space and calm if they don´t give me this, I may give an unpolite answer trying to push them away because I do need to be left alone to recharge but I don´t get to an extreme point (above examples). I think if other people are not giving us the space and quietness that we need they have a big problem with boundaries.

Was it a meltdown in the hospital? Was it a shutdown when I was back home? Or were both meltdowns? :?:



timf
Veteran
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15 Aug 2022, 6:05 am

One might use the illustration of an electrical circuit breaker. If too much electrical energy is drawn from a circuit, an element in the circuit breakers heats up. At a certain point the breaker is so hot that it disconnects itself from the circuit so that damaging amounts of energy are not allowed into the system.

In a similar way those of us with Aspergers can react to protect ourselves. When the emotional component is frustration or anger, a meltdown is usually observed. If the emotional component is fear, grief, or anxiety, a shutdown may be observed.



Regulan
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 4 Aug 2022
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 37
Location: α Leonis

15 Aug 2022, 7:17 am

timf wrote:
One might use the illustration of an electrical circuit breaker. If too much electrical energy is drawn from a circuit, an element in the circuit breakers heats up. At a certain point the breaker is so hot that it disconnects itself from the circuit so that damaging amounts of energy are not allowed into the system.

In a similar way those of us with Aspergers can react to protect ourselves. When the emotional component is frustration or anger, a meltdown is usually observed. If the emotional component is fear, grief, or anxiety, a shutdown may be observed.


Thank you very much for explaining this to me. It is strange not to have noticed these things for what they are all these years, just have been pointed out the "bad behaviour". And I felt I must be a bad person for so many years because I could not avoid these things since I was young.