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Highly_Autistic
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28 Nov 2022, 4:58 pm

Nowadays, i started to think too much again. I wasn't bothered about being asocial, but now i think im missing out too much (activities, hobbies ... ). Traveling, doing sports, working, people do this kind of stuff together. So im not doing much on my own. I feel like world is designed for normies.

At the same time i hate normies, small talk and people in general. Being alone is ok but doing nothing, missing out at life bothers me. I dont see anyone alike near me.

What do you do to fit in this world for nt's ? Do you socialize or want to socialize ? I cant figure out what im supposed to do to be happy and peaceful as an aspie person



rse92
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28 Nov 2022, 6:37 pm

First thing to do is to stop hating people in general. You’ll never be happy otherwise.



DanielW
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28 Nov 2022, 6:46 pm

I socialize as much as I want to. I do things in public that I want to with 1-2 trusted friends. Its enough for me. Spending time hating or resenting the majority doesn't accomplish anything and is a waste of my time and energy.

Most things you feel you are missing out on can usually be done solo if you want to. What do you feel you are missing out on?



Last edited by DanielW on 28 Nov 2022, 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ToughDiamond
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28 Nov 2022, 7:04 pm

I've felt rather like that since losing most of my access to my preferred types of unusual people. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with the mainstream.

One thing I've found useful is to stay mindful of the notion that extremely normal people are probably quite rare. I don't do well in most groups so I try to stick to one-on-one, which allows me to discover the deviations from normality that most individuals have. If those deviations are in line with my own to a reasonable degree, I'm winning. Groups can bring out the "worst" in people.

Another strategy is to join a fringe interest which could attract unusual people. I think such groups can often have a sense of pride in being rather odd, and the interest can distract people from some of the expectations and tests of normality that would happen in a "pure" social situation. In my case I use music, which isn't all that eccentric but for some reason it serves the purpose. As a result I get on well with a lot of people who have quite different outlooks to my own, but it doesn't show much because all they see is my singing and instrument playing, and all I see is their musical talent. The co-operation involved in playing together seems to create bonds between us all by itself. If I wasn't reasonably accomplished in (certain styles of) music, I'd probably go for other performing arts or art in general, because that kind of thing has always fascinated me, but obviously you'd have to choose your own interest.

I used to hate mainstream people but I mellowed quite a lot. I think I noticed that unusual people weren't as wonderful as I used to think they were, and that normal people weren't as boring or horrible. Normality is a spectrum disorder, so if you've met one normal, you've met one normal.



timf
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30 Nov 2022, 7:55 am

When I was single I used to travel. Once I tried fishing by going into a bait shop on a lake in California and telling the guy I would like to go fishing, but I didn't know the first thing about it. He was very helpful and not only because I purchased the equipment and rented a boat. One can go horseback riding with a group or even SCUBA diving. It helps to have a task to accomplish with a group activity.



MOONTRIPS
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30 Nov 2022, 8:28 am

I may not have irl companions to do things with, but I've got some close internet friends that I vibe with. I'm usually content with that. usually. I've also not had a desire to do... much. ever. I don't think I'd enjoy traveling. there's no way I could keep a job. I don't like sports. I do what I want to do and don't usually feel like I'm really missing out on anything. sometimes I do, in a way, but then remind myself that I most always feel this way about things I wouldn't enjoy or don't care about.
I've learned to just be happy with what I have, but I know that's easier said than done. took me a long time to get here. and even then, it's not entirely consistent.
I don't hate "normal" people. hating others for being what I'm not or having what I don't have isn't going to help.



jimmy m
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30 Nov 2022, 9:45 am

You are an INTROVERT. You gain your strength and energy when you are alone. It lets you recharge your internal batteries. About half of the people in the world are INTROVERTS. The other half of the people are EXTROVERTS. Extroverts recharge their internal batteries when they are in a group of people. If they are down, they simply find other people and begin talking and talking and talking. And within a few minutes they are happy.

There are many people in this life who are introverts. They do not normally hang out with other people. They are in many ways loners. But there are some groups floating about. You just need to find them and become part of a small community. Let your interest drive you. The world is very large and there are many different types of groups. Find your special interest and then find others that share the same interest.


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blueraspberry
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01 Dec 2022, 1:42 pm

I'm not sure which thread this goes with but I thought of a metaphor or something to explain how I've been feeling and wanted to share. Let me know your thoughts :)

Everyone has a machine in their head. For most people, when a certain input goes in, the output is 2. For me, the output for that input is 12. My machine isn't broken or wrong; it just produces something different than the normal output. I've learned that my output isn't the same as others so I developed a calculation to convert my output to theirs. Doing this calculation is tiring and takes a lot of work. Sometimes I make a mistake with my calculation and report 3 or 5 instead of 2. This is especially likely when I'm tired. Or the calculation just didn't work for reasons I don't understand. Sometimes I report 12. Maybe I forgot to do the calculation. Maybe I wanted to save my energy for later. Maybe I was completely out of energy. Maybe I just didn't want to do it and wanted to stick with my answer, not caring that it's different. If I don't report 2, this can lead to people being confused, judging me, or being annoyed that I didn't report the same answer as them.



ASPartOfMe
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02 Dec 2022, 12:23 am

Highly_Autistic wrote:
Nowadays, i started to think too much again. I wasn't bothered about being asocial, but now i think im missing out too much (activities, hobbies ... ). Traveling, doing sports, working, people do this kind of stuff together. So im not doing much on my own. I feel like world is designed for normies.

At the same time i hate normies, small talk and people in general. Being alone is ok but doing nothing, missing out at life bothers me. I dont see anyone alike near me.

What do you do to fit in this world for nt's ? Do you socialize or want to socialize ? I cant figure out what im supposed to do to be happy and peaceful as an aspie person


Why do you feel you are missing out on things you profess to hate? A no-win situation.

If you do socialize, do it less often and definitely with much fewer people at once than is typical.


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Gammeldans
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03 Dec 2022, 11:33 am

rse92 wrote:
First thing to do is to stop hating people in general. You’ll never be happy otherwise.

And one must start to see that even being around people with ASD diagnoses can be difficult.



Gammeldans
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03 Dec 2022, 11:38 am

jimmy m wrote:
You are an INTROVERT. You gain your strength and energy when you are alone. It lets you recharge your internal batteries. About half of the people in the world are INTROVERTS. The other half of the people are EXTROVERTS. Extroverts recharge their internal batteries when they are in a group of people. If they are down, they simply find other people and begin talking and talking and talking. And within a few minutes they are happy.

There are many people in this life who are introverts. They do not normally hang out with other people. They are in many ways loners. But there are some groups floating about. You just need to find them and become part of a small community. Let your interest drive you. The world is very large and there are many different types of groups. Find your special interest and then find others that share the same interest.

"But, according to psychiatrist Carl Jung, who introduced the terms into psychology, there's actually no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert.

"Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum," he famously said.

Most people are ambiverts, he said: extrovert-introvert hybrids."
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.abc.ne ... /100457118