Anyone else feel angry for not getting an early diagnosis?

Page 13 of 13 [ 198 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,137

18 Jul 2022, 12:28 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:
AprilR wrote:
No. If i was diagnosed when i was a child likely my parents' marriage wouldn't stand and our relatives might have even cut contact with my mom

Ouch!
And none of it would have been your fault.


Yes, i am glad to have bypassed the pity party that would have ensued.



Dial1194
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2019
Age: 122
Gender: Male
Posts: 348
Location: Australia

19 Jul 2022, 7:08 am

DuckHairback wrote:
It wasn't their fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. And that's hard to accept sometimes, that some things are no one's fault.


Yeah.

I was talking to someone the other day who was diagnosed late in life, and they were saying that they know perfectly well they were f****d up, and a lot of it was due to interactions with family as a child, but it was never really the case that anyone was deliberately trying to be mean; they just didn't have any knowledge or information or, really, any indication that there was a singular reason for any of the constant personality clashes. And it's not like they didn't have bunches of issues themselves...

So the result was someone who had a small mountain of psychological problems to try and find their way out from under, most of the time not even knowing that any of them existed because there just wasn't the information available back then, and when they thought about it - yes, they got really angry because they spent so long being crushed instead of having a freer life. But it wasn't due to active malice or hatred by anyone, really, just ignorance and people having their own problems, so there was no real valid target for that anger, which almost made it worse.



AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,137

19 Jul 2022, 2:44 pm

^I kind of agree and kind of not. It's one thing for a family to be ignorant of their child's issues, and another to consciously ignore them and guilt trip a child for being different, neglecting their needs because you don't want to accept the fact that they are different.

If someone wants to be a parent they should know that there is a possibility that their Child may be disabled, physically and mentally. And that they signed up for that. If they aren't ready for it they shouldn't have had a child in the first place.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,079
Location: Long Island, New York

19 Jul 2022, 8:40 pm

AprilR wrote:
^I kind of agree and kind of not. It's one thing for a family to be ignorant of their child's issues, and another to consciously ignore them and guilt trip a child for being different, neglecting their needs because you don't want to accept the fact that they are different.

If someone wants to be a parent they should know that there is a possibility that their Child may be disabled, physically and mentally. And that they signed up for that. If they aren't ready for it they shouldn't have had a child in the first place.

Back then autistic traits were seen as willful defiance/throwing tantrums/attention seeking. The fix was to ignore the child, do not give the attention seeker attention, do not reward a tantrum or they will do it again. The conventional wisdom was to let the babies cry themselves to sleep.

Guilt-tripping children was seen as scaring them straight, teaching them consequences.

Most parents knew parenting brings its problems, but "mental" issues carried such a stigma and was not talked about so the vast majority of parents did not expect that. I don't think it has changed all that much, parents do not expect it will be their child.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,137

20 Jul 2022, 3:26 am

^That is so cruel even for a nt Child. Letting babies cry themselves to sleep. Is traumatizing the way to "educate" children?

I understand you are portraying things as they are. It's not as though i don't understand those parents. It's just that it is not the child's responsibility to take care of or be mindful of the parent's issues.



AnomalousAspergian
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2021
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 64

05 Aug 2022, 12:05 pm

Angry at who? It's a bit of a loaded question really because it is implicitly assuming that you would be angry at having not had an earlier diagnosis, therefore missing out. It indirectly relates to a common dogmatic line that society tells older people - they have 'missed the boat' once they have reached a certain age if they have not fulfilled some mythic meritocratic paradigm of achievement.