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Lizzie60
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04 Jul 2022, 4:24 am

Hi all just looking for a little reassurance I guess. Had ASD confirmed at the ripe old age of 62 recently. I came out to close family and friends (or so I thought) as my friends appear to be avoiding me now. That said my family didn't blink an eye and are treating me exactly the same.

I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.

On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!



Mountain Goat
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04 Jul 2022, 4:45 am

Hello. I may not have many friends but those I have are genuine. Some are a bit odd but I like them that way. :P Who is "Normal?" Not sure I can do normal. :P
I am not sure if I am on the spectrum or not. I am giving up waiting to find out as it could be years and waiting makes me stressed when I think about it so better I pretend it is not happening... Just ignore it and it will go away. :D (My Mum says this to most things. Haha!)

I could start a fun "Just ignore it and it will go away" thread! :D



kitesandtrainsandcats
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04 Jul 2022, 7:09 am

Lizzie60 wrote:
I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.


That is a bit strange, and disappointing.

You are still the exact same you that you have been; diagnosis doesn't cause change, it merely names what is already there.

Yay for your family! :D


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beady
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04 Jul 2022, 7:50 am

If it’s just been a short time, perhaps your friends are trying to digest this new information about you.
Have they explained their avoidance?



Lizzie60
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04 Jul 2022, 8:25 am

No explanation but I sensed a change towards me after I told them. Maybe they weren't as genuine as I thought.

Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.



Lizzie60
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04 Jul 2022, 8:29 am

Getting a diagnosis doesn't suit everybody. Do what feels right for you.



Lizzie60
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04 Jul 2022, 8:30 am

Thank you all for your comments and support it really helps.



beady
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04 Jul 2022, 7:36 pm

If I understand you OP, you are trying to be more true to yourself. That must be a relief and congrats!
With this effort to be more true, you say you have changed a bit in the manner and the way you relate to your friends. It makes sense that they might wonder why you have changed your behavior after your diagnosis. I don't know that I could be so bold as to try to explain to a friend about masking but maybe you are braver than I am.
The average person seems to have no clue what it's like to be on the spectrum.



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04 Jul 2022, 9:58 pm

Welcome to wrong planet

Lizzie60 wrote:
On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!

So true.

Lizzie60 wrote:
Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.

Sounds about right.


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1986
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04 Jul 2022, 10:38 pm

Lizzie60 wrote:
Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.

It happened to me too. "I lost myself trying to be like everyone else. Now I'm trying to be myself and losing everyone else." A bit drastic but you get the point.

At least your family accepts you. Mine flatly denies I have any form of autism despite there being considerable paperwork behind it (carried out by a state-owned medical institution).



Sailon
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05 Jul 2022, 8:28 am

Lizzie60, I have had something similar happen to me in the past. I would concur that it certainly is very disappointing.
In the future I wish for the both of us that we may find better friends.



HighLlama
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06 Jul 2022, 4:37 am

Lizzie60 wrote:
Hi all just looking for a little reassurance I guess. Had ASD confirmed at the ripe old age of 62 recently. I came out to close family and friends (or so I thought) as my friends appear to be avoiding me now. That said my family didn't blink an eye and are treating me exactly the same.

I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.

On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!


Funny--similar experience for me. Even being younger, when more people might be accepting/more knowledgable about autism. But, some you thought were closer have disappeared, while the ones who were always clearly supportive are still there. Hurtful, but it's always nice to see people for who they are.



cyberdad
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06 Jul 2022, 5:33 am

Look on the brightside, at least you learn't they weren't your friends, even if it was at 62



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06 Jul 2022, 6:07 am

Yeah, it sort of happened to me a bit when I disclosed my ADHD diagnosis, one or two friends of mine just suddenly stopped liking or commenting on my Facebook posts.

I think some people become afraid of people with a neurological condition that is named. I remember when my grandmother first got diagnosed with Alzheimer's her friends suddenly stopped visiting her, even though she was still good company.


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06 Jul 2022, 6:48 am

I’m sorry this happened to you, Lizzie.

Please remember you are not obligated to disclose you have autism. It’s not a contagious disease.

I understand why you did disclose, though.



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06 Jul 2022, 7:05 am

The closest disorder in terms of stigma to autism is Downs syndrome. Autism is universally seen as being a child's disorder or a disorder that severely effects intelligence.

People often take a dim view on those who have it or at the very least, adapt their behaviour accordingly and "stupify" their behaviour around autisitcs.

When it comes to your friends, I would start guilt tripping them personally. Either way their behaviour is dreadful, especially against an autisitc.