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sitko
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14 Oct 2021, 7:59 pm

I moved back to my parent's house, after my last relationship ended. I'm not doing too good. I'm depressed, filled with anxiety and jobless. My parents told me that I'd have a place with them, if needed.

Recently, my Mom who might be a covert narcissist suggested I move out of the house. They told me that it is cheaper for me to live with them, than to live separately, and while normally I'd prefer not to live with them, right now, I'm very depressed, and worried that if I'm on my own, I'll get suicidal. I've been suicidal before, but obviously didn't go through with it. She says that I isolate too much in my room away from them, and that she doesn't think I want to be part of this household. Here I thought I was giving them some space, and she's complaining that I don't spend enough time with her...so she's going to force me to move out. Even AFTER I told her that I feared that with my depression and loneliness that I might eventually kill myself if I was by myself.

I see a psychologist and my Mom requested having a "group" session with me and my therapist. I asked her to not throw me out until after that meeting...but today, I overheard her speaking to a potential landlord for me, because she asked the person who returned her call, if the house had a fenced in yard, as I have a dog. This made me VERY angry, as I feel like she's saying that she'd rather move me out and chance that I might kill myself.

It really confuses me, as if she moves me out, I'd definitely be spending even LESS time with her, obviously...but the fact that I told her that I was scared I'd get suicidal if I was on my own, make me think she doesn't care.

I don't really have any friends to talk to so I'm coming to you, would you be pissed?



HeroOfHyrule
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14 Oct 2021, 8:07 pm

Personally, if my parents told me I could stay with them, and then tried to kick me out essentially for being depressed (people "isolate" when depressed), I'd be more than pissed. My parents actually do flip-floppy things like that, where they say one thing and then completely contradict it later on without care. It's very unstable and infuriating, no matter what age someone is or what situation they're in.


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IsabellaLinton
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14 Oct 2021, 9:00 pm

I'm really sorry that happened. I agree it's not reasonable and she's given you mixed signals. On top of being depressed, and keeping to yourself so not to intrude, I would assume you are autistic? Doesn't she know that autistic people generally require a lot of privacy and space? Could you approach the discussion from that angle?

My daughter is 24 and lives with me. We barely cross paths unless we make a point of it. We rarely even eat together because we both value our space and privacy. Sometimes I don't see her for 24 hours or more and our doors are both shut. As an adult she shouldn't have to sit around with me making conversation, if she doesn't feel like it.

I hope you can express how you felt when you overheard her talking to this potential landlord, and I wish you well with the depression too.

Please keep us updated.



Jakki
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14 Oct 2021, 9:15 pm

am hoping this situation gets better for you... Getting mixed messages doesnt make anyone feel comfortable about anyone even their own parents.
Please take care of yourself , as best as you can.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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20 Oct 2021, 4:58 pm

"Should", "can," and "will" are all three different things.

Anyone can feel any emotions.

Emotions are just emotions.

Your mom might feel strong emotions, that she did not tell you about.

You could, if you want, offer to spend more time with your mom, if she continues to let you live there.

However, it is her house. According to your profile, you are 55 years old. You do not have a right to live in her house. It is confusing for her to give you mixed messages. It sounds to me like she should have made her expectations clear before she moved in. However, not everyone always communicates in the most justified way. Especially autistics.