Bride not inviting several autistic sister to her wedding

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Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 64
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Location: Long Island, New York

16 Oct 2021, 8:39 am

Internet Backs Woman's Decision Not to Invite Her Severely Autistic Sister to Her Wedding

Wedding days are supposed to be a day for the bride and groom to celebrate their happy union in the company of their nearest and dearest.

However, one bride-to-be has been forced to make a difficult decision when it comes to her big day. A decision, she says, that now means several of her closest family members are set to miss the occasion.

In a post published on Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum, the woman explained that she is due to marry in three months as part of a low-key wedding and reception and last week got in touch with her parents to ask that her younger sister, Anna, not come.

In a post that has been upvoted over 19,900 times and generated more than 2,600 comments, the woman, posting as Priyrpro, explained that Anna has "severe autism" and "while she is verbal most of her communication is 'physical' like sign language due to her social discomfort."

The bride-to-be noted that while her sister communicates better around family, she has "bad cognitive skills" but "can't comprehend boundaries" and has lived with their parents since birth as a result.

More specifically, the woman says her sister Anna has an issue when it comes to her future husband, Michael, whereby she will often try to touch and kiss him inappropriately.

At times when we were at my parents house Anna would try and grab Michael's hands, try to lean in to kiss him or would have a really bad shutdowns if she wasn't allowed to be directly next to him," she said.

She said that they had tried to speak to Anna about the issue but unfortunately "she doesn't really understand."

They called me selfish and asked how I expected them to agree to something like this," she said. "They told me Anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own and while I have Michael for probably the rest of our lives she'll have no one and that Michael and I can be a little more understanding to the reality of her life."

Since then, her parents have told her they will not be coming to her wedding.

The bride-to-be suggested they could "redirect" Anna away from the groom during the wedding but her parents rebuffed that idea, insisting he simply needed to "get over it."

Similar suggestions that they watch the wedding via webcam or pay for someone to look after Anna were rejected with the bride's parents expressing concern they when they eventually die, she will be looking to "pawn" her sister off on other people whenever she could.

Despite the difficulty of the situation being faced, the majority of responses to the post were supportive of the bride's actions.

I do not understand why the webcam idea was not an acceptable workaround. Most people due to the pandemic have had zoom holiday dinners, weddings, and funerals. Of course it is not the same but it is better what they have now.

I would think Anna has a therapist. If not the problem goes beyond the wedding. If so why not pay her to watch the webcam? They are paying all sorts of money for superficial things to make the wedding look nice, why not pay extra for something that matters?

Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman

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Joined: 31 Jul 2020
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16 Oct 2021, 1:31 pm

You'd think they could just have found a couple of reliable volunteers to escort/steer Anna.

When my parents married my Dad was in the Navy so a few sailors were in attendance. My aunt was assigned the job of keeping an eye on them. (Apparently they still got quite a bit of alcohol.)

When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


Joined: 5 Mar 2018
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16 Oct 2021, 2:54 pm

Sad but must be selfish irresponsible parents a clue is here:-

the bride's parents expressing concern they when they eventually die, she will be looking to "pawn" her sister off on other people whenever she could.

What makes them think she is obligated to give 24 h care to her adult sister when their gone?

Would she not have a life of her own? Her own kids to look after?

Do her future kids or husband`s feelings about this not matter? Is she expected to neglect her kids & ruin her marriage and give up her job because her stupid parents failed to properly plan for the future?

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends upon the unreasonable man."

- George Bernie Shaw


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Joined: 13 Jan 2011
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25 Oct 2021, 3:03 pm

It's completely reasonable to expect not to have a woman who isn't the bride trying to kiss the groom and insisting on being beside him at a wedding. Even if she's too disabled to understand, that doesn't mean they should put up with that behavior.

Appropriate solutions:
* finding some way to teach her more appropriate behavior
* not allowing her to come
* assigning someone the job of babysitting her throughout the event and preventing her from harassing the groom or disrupting the ceremony, leaving with her temporarily if necessary

Someone being disabled doesn't mean that others have to put up with unacceptable behavior from them.