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Zhane
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Joined: 21 Jan 2012
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30 Jan 2012, 6:08 pm

I am simply tired of faking it. It feels like I can't remember a day where I wasn't depressed or trying to seem more then happy. I guess you can say I was over selling myself, but now I'm just done with it all. Killing myself is not an option. I know that no matter what I am grateful, but I am just tired of faking it.


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ghostar
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Location: Most likely work. Sigh.

30 Jan 2012, 6:21 pm

Me too. I would love to walk out of my cubicle right now and go home never to leave the house again.



MrXxx
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31 Jan 2012, 6:27 pm

Can we hijack Twisted Sister?

"We're Not Gonna FAKE it anymore!" :P


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I'm not likely to be around much longer. As before when I first signed up here years ago, I'm finding that after a long hiatus, and after only a few days back on here, I'm spending way too much time here again already. So I'm requesting my account be locked, banned or whatever. It's just time. Until then, well, I dunno...


MindBlind
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31 Jan 2012, 7:09 pm

Zhane wrote:
I am simply tired of faking it. It feels like I can't remember a day where I wasn't depressed or trying to seem more then happy. I guess you can say I was over selling myself, but now I'm just done with it all. Killing myself is not an option. I know that no matter what I am grateful, but I am just tired of faking it.


I know exactly how you feel. Gladly, antidepressants worked very well on me and I didn't feel the usual despair and lack of enthusiasm (though I still get it occasionally). But when I did, I got really really sick of pretending that I was optimistic about everything. I tried to tell myself that everything was going to be okay, but it wasn't making me feel any better. I tried to be cold and pragmatic and it worked for a while but then I realized that I was still lying to myself about how I felt. So I decided 'stuff this! I'm sad and I'm going to stay sad until I stop'.

It wasn't so much cathartic as it was relieving. Imagine, if you will, that you feel terribly ill and you try to hide your symptoms so that you don't worry others. You try to pretend that you're well but nothing is helping. Finally, you hurl. Sure, you still feel like hell, but at least that part is over and done with.

Still seek help whenever you can muster up the physical and emotional strength to look for it. Pester your doctors/therapists/etc about how sh***y you feel.

Remember that you are entitled to feel like s**t. You should never have to pretend (especially if it's killing you).

Take care.



CaptainTrips222
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02 Feb 2012, 12:47 am

MrXxx wrote:
Can we hijack Twisted Sister?

"We're Not Gonna FAKE it anymore!" :P


:)



Ryuzaki21
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18 Feb 2012, 2:31 am

There are so many people here in this office and I hate tube lights since they really tend to irritate me. I wish that I could just run away and never come back....



Mmuffinn
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18 Feb 2012, 12:28 pm

I am currently in the same position. I go between wishing I could do a better job at faking it and feeling resentful that I feel I must fake it to protect others, and just being tired of faking it. Right now I'm just tired of faking it.



Ann2011
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18 Feb 2012, 3:26 pm

Faking it takes so much energy - I'm less able to do it than I used to be. I try to repeat what the person says to me in different words instead of coming up with something that I don't really mean. That buys time to understand what they are saying. I hate the feeling that I'm portraying a character of myself.