Do I had/have some sort of gender dysphoria/transgenderism?

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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,551
Location: Poland

27 Jan 2022, 11:38 am

I am a man, but in childhood and late adolescence I often (or maybe even relatively very often) imagined myself as being a girl/woman, always or almost always in association with eroticism.

When I was about 15 - 16 years old I became significantly religious (and had fear of hell, of scary divine punishment) and rejected and suppressed my sexuality. I have also peculiar sexual preferences since childhood (associated with feces, flatus, specific odor of regio glutealis), concentrating on buttocks area or even lower digestive system (such as about intestines or stomach).

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when I was nearly 17 yo in specialistic centre, I have diagnostic meeting (with my mother) thanks to my school (at least thanks to the pedagogue, maybe also thanks to the psychologists). I was "other" and "unsuitable to word" since childhood, but I might not have (at least larger) symptoms of ASD during my first three years of life after birth. I had marked asymmetric hypotrophy at birth, my birth weight was low (2150 g in health certificate) despite being born on time, with 10 Apgar.

When I was about 6 - 15 years old, I had "obsessions" about certain three girls, I wanted them to be myh partner, but they want not and I misbehaved against them when I was young :( I regret my improper behavior.

My "merntality" would "obviously" prefer to have a true woman (eternally young, sexually attractive, with "sexy" name, infertile, without menstruation) than to be a man, a male human. This preference is associated mainly with sexual, erotic, romantic area. I had autogynephilia. My "sexuality" dreams about autosexual and polyamoric woman-only relations and orgies associated with my "kinks" like coprophilia, eproctophilia, olfactophilia, bromidrophilia, salirophilia, mysophilia, hygrophilia, excrementophilia, urophilia, vorarephilia(?), some sort of alvinolagnia, "general" pygophilia :( It is very against traditional Abrahamic religions.

My sexuality is not so interested with genitals (vulva is for it "small bottom (small buttocks-like region) with opening for urine which pees", it is not interested in clitoris (I did not know about it before pubertly, at least I did not know about it so much). I am not interested in penile penetration (especially passive, my interest in active penile penetration is pretty low, about all of three: vaginal, anal, (especially) oral).