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creastae
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12 Aug 2012, 10:50 am

I spend every moment that I'm awake wishing that I was born female, and even when I'm asleep these desires often manifest themselves in my dreams.

I hate my body so much, because it's male. Instead of dark hair and this hard body I would much rather have curves, breasts, and soft smooth skin. I feel bad whenever I see my body, so I try to cover it up as much as possible and never look at it. When I take showers, I stare up at the ceiling so that I don't have to look.
I would also much rather have a vagina than a penis. I don't even like how most vaginas look (and actually I think most penises look better) but I still feel that I want this anyway.

I also don't feel like a man at all. I have more feminine interests, I'm more emotional etc and would much rather be treated by others as a female, and not told to 'man up' or stop being a 'fag' or a 'p****'.

I also find myself frequently daydreaming about a future where I am female, and have a 'normal' life - where I have a nice husband, and we have a young child etc. Then I come back to reality and become very sad.
I sometimes have erotic dreams too, where I am female and there is also a man involved. Strangely there is hardly ever any actual intercourse in these dreams.

Everything is a trigger for me. If I'm outside and I see a woman, I become depressed and think about my problems. If I'm listening to a song and a woman starts singing, I become depressed. If I see an advertisment for something like women's clothes, I become depressed.

I don't know how I can live like this. I wish I was never born and frequently think of suicide. I have bought some benzos, I hope they can help me to calm down and not care.

Does anyone else have these issues?



idratherbeatree
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12 Aug 2012, 11:23 am

I'm transgender.

Also, please note that Gender Identity Disorder is no longer considered a mental illness.
http://dot429.com/articles/1119
There is an article for an explanation.

I just point this out because it's not really something that should be under this subforum, and instead should be in LGBT talk.



CockneyRebel
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12 Aug 2012, 11:56 am

If I could switch genders with you, I would. I strongly identify as male, though I'm that other gender.


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again_with_this
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12 Aug 2012, 1:58 pm

Curiosity question: Does there ever come a point of simply accepting what you are?

I mean, with Asperger's for instance, we can biitch and moan about it and wish we were "normal," but at some point we have to accept we are what we are.

Isn't there any sense of this in regards to your own body? Maybe you didn't want to be born male, but you are. In other words, why not just accept it for what it is?



Raziel
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12 Aug 2012, 3:32 pm

again_with_this wrote:
Curiosity question: Does there ever come a point of simply accepting what you are?


This is very different and every Transgender/Genderquer person has to find their own solution.

I tryed to accept it in my case for years but I came to a piont where I suffered so much that I'd rather die than coninuing living in my biological sex. So I started taking hormones a year ago and I will undergo an operation.

There is no "yes" or "no" and no real answer to that.
But for some ppl it's pritty much the only solution.
Transgender/Genderquer is a huge spectrum.


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Last edited by Raziel on 13 Aug 2012, 12:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

Dirtdigger
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12 Aug 2012, 3:59 pm

I always felt like a male trapped in a female body. It seems like everything I do is associated to what men does. I love radio control models, diecast models, building mechanical and electronic things. I hate dolls and all of the girly stuff. The only thing feminine about my is my long hair and women's clothes and shoes. But, I don't wear makeup. People see me as I really am with all of my skin marks.



idratherbeatree
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12 Aug 2012, 6:41 pm

@ again with this.

The suicide statistic in transgender people reflects that "just accepting" isn't exactly easy.



puddingmouse
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12 Aug 2012, 10:25 pm

I have a lot of gender dysphoria, though it's mainly regarding the social roles of being female (which people argue are rooted in biology). I do hate having a female body, but I don't fantasise about being male. I'm an androgyne. If I transitioned, it wouldn't do me any good. I would probably be a lot happier if society didn't have gender roles, but I'd still be uneasy about my physical gender.

I think you should see a therapist who specialises in GID. I'm thinking of asking about something similar.


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puddingmouse
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12 Aug 2012, 10:28 pm

Thread moved from the Other Psychological Disorders forum to LGBT Dicussion.


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thehandmedown
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16 Aug 2012, 9:59 pm

maybe you should start talking to a gender therapist. for a lot of trans people transitioning is what will make them happier. taking steps towards being what they feel they should be. a gender therapist can help with letters to docs for hormones, and surgery if thats something you decide on. If not even presenting as female could be something that helps. Ive struggled with this since I was a kid and it took me about 20 years give or take to finally figure out myself. and put a name to what I was feeling. I started seeing a therapist in march and have been way happier than I have ever been. I have not started any hormones or changes yet. but it is something I am looking forward to. I attend a support group every month. And that has helped tremendously. Just to know that there are others out there like me. I dont feel like a freak monster anymore. I hope you can soon find a way to happiness. It is difficult, and gender is a huge spectrum. But I hope that soon. your mind and soul will be at peace with eachother.



kittylover
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17 Aug 2012, 1:06 pm

I get so jealous when I see women out and about doing normal activities. I suck it up temporarily then cry at home.

I tend to sleep most of the day on weekends because I'd much rather be asleep than awake. The dream world is far better than the real world. It brings temporary relief from loneliness and gender dysphoria.



meems
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18 Aug 2012, 4:45 am

again_with_this wrote:
Curiosity question: Does there ever come a point of simply accepting what you are?

I mean, with Asperger's for instance, we can biitch and moan about it and wish we were "normal," but at some point we have to accept we are what we are.

Isn't there any sense of this in regards to your own body? Maybe you didn't want to be born male, but you are. In other words, why not just accept it for what it is?


It is accepting yourself to accept you were born with certain body parts that do not line up with your identity, who you are in your own mind. It's a very difficult thing to accept, and takes enormous courage for what has to be endured to become your true self.



visagrunt
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20 Aug 2012, 11:49 am

again_with_this wrote:
Curiosity question: Does there ever come a point of simply accepting what you are?

I mean, with Asperger's for instance, we can biitch and moan about it and wish we were "normal," but at some point we have to accept we are what we are.

Isn't there any sense of this in regards to your own body? Maybe you didn't want to be born male, but you are. In other words, why not just accept it for what it is?


You seem to start from the proposition that it is what's between our legs that defines our gender. But I take the view that it is what's between your ears that defines your gender.

By my reckoing there are at least four ways that we can classify human beings by sex:

1) Karyotype. If you have an XX karyotype, you are genetically female. If you have an XY karyotype, you are genetically male. If you have any other karyotype, you are intersexed.
2) Physiology. If you have male genitalia, you are physiologically male. If you have female genitalia, you are physiologically female. If you have both you are a hermaphrodite, if you have ambiguous genitalia, you are physiologically interesex. Karyotypical sex and physiological sex are usually, but not invariably consistent.
3) Gender identity. I use the term, "sex," to refer to genetic and morphological characteristics and, "gender," to refer to matters of sexual self-identification. That does not mean, however, that one is more important than the other. There is certainly journal literature that suggests anatomical differences between transgender people born male and cisgendered males.
4) Social gender role. One may be unambiguously male and still seek to fill a female social gender role, and vice versa.

If we begin from the proposition that a person has inconsistent physiological sex and gender identity, then when we talk of "accepting it for what it is," why can it not be the gender identity that is accepted, rather than the physiological sex?


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