Page 2 of 2 [ 26 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

PBL187
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2017
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,821
Location: Temporary

01 Sep 2018, 1:21 am

babsfocker wrote:
That's horrible that your friends think you are lazy because you are an Aspie. I might be a lesbian. I have never had a boyfriend and never felt the urge to have one. Being born in a religious cult was my misfortune in life. Being born an aspie was my biggest blessing.

I always had a girl crush on teachers or other women in my life but never had a relationship sexually with a woman. If my family found out that I "swing that way" they won't treat me the same. The religion I was raised in thinks being gay is a choice and is evil. I'm going to have to stay in the closet for my whole life. I still have fantasies when I go to sleep at night and nobody can take that away from me.


Bloody religion, again. You shouldn't have to do that, your family should not treat u any differently for being gay. Why do people STILL find it such a big deal? The medieval attitudes some still have towards homosexuality or any sexuality in between is sickening :x


_________________
It’ll be nice to have a fresh start somewhere else


stevens2010
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2009
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 149

01 Sep 2018, 1:42 am

Reedo wrote:
I wanted to start a topic for all the gay adults out there who have been living with or just realized they may have Aspergers. I am a 53 y/o guy who was diagnosed 12 years ago, but have been in the closet about it ever since. I'm out as a gay man, but the Aspergers carries a lot more stigma than being gay ever did. My friends would (and continue to) dismiss my Aspergers as an excuse for being lazy, but we all know that's not how life for us really is.

As I grow older I'm finding that my symptoms are getting worse as well. I have much more difficulty reading cues and being able to fit in socially. I'm not sure if that's just part of getting older or if its the Aspergers. My Dr doesn't know either. His admonishment is that I don't give up and continue to try to fit in. Sound familiar?

Any one else have ideas about aging and Aspergers?


That is a fascinating point, that being an Aspie carries the bigger stigma. I guess I've suspected that all along, as I am loathe to tell anyone about it--it normally doesn't do any good and instead makes things worse.

But your last question really interests me, about aging and Aspergers. Some of my symptoms are getting worse, or at least I think so. Not dramatically so, but it has caused me to wonder if I will regress to the level of incompetence I had at age 15. I'm a little older than you are now.

The thing is, I thought I was pretty accomplished at "faking it" and at least behaving acceptably around NT people. I am having my doubts these days. Part of this is that we sometimes get out a blank sheet of paper and start re-examining things when we reach particular "age milestones." However, upon reflection and dropping the veil of denial what I decided is that my attempts to mechanically fake social competence have been far less successful than my self-deceptions implied. Being pretty much run out of a career that I liked was what got that started. The good news there at least is that I got a retirement before my livelihood ghosted me.

Anyway, to answer your question, yes it does sound familiar. Forty years ago, I would have suggested that the easy way out of this was find friends who are Aspies. Of course the problem is that two Aspies sometimes--maybe often--have perhaps more friendship challenges than a lot of Aspie/NT combos. I just hope I don't end up ten years older and having meltdowns like I did fifty years before.



PBL187
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2017
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,821
Location: Temporary

01 Sep 2018, 1:50 am

stevens2010 wrote:

I just hope I don't end up ten years older and having meltdowns like I did fifty years before.


Can't say u won't (have meltdowns) but it's more likely to be bouts of depression and low mood, possibly low self-esteem even. Maybe that could count as a "meltdown" of sorts?

I hope you don't suffer any of that


_________________
It’ll be nice to have a fresh start somewhere else


jatok2013
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 56
Location: San Francisco, CA

06 Oct 2018, 11:33 pm

I'm also experiencing the worsening of my ASD, I never was normal, but my mental age seems to be slipping somewhat, I don't now allow women to baby me more than I used too. I'm only 35 now, and I'll probably be like Chris Chan at 50 and who knows what if I get much passed that.


_________________
We shall unite or we shall fall.


d057
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 504
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

28 Dec 2018, 9:41 pm

You're friends sound like clueless people who do nothing but undermine your experiences. I would find new ones!

Reedo wrote:
I wanted to start a topic for all the gay adults out there who have been living with or just realized they may have Aspergers. I am a 53 y/o guy who was diagnosed 12 years ago, but have been in the closet about it ever since. I'm out as a gay man, but the Aspergers carries a lot more stigma than being gay ever did. My friends would (and continue to) dismiss my Aspergers as an excuse for being lazy, but we all know that's not how life for us really is.

As I grow older I'm finding that my symptoms are getting worse as well. I have much more difficulty reading cues and being able to fit in socially. I'm not sure if that's just part of getting older or if its the Aspergers. My Dr doesn't know either. His admonishment is that I don't give up and continue to try to fit in. Sound familiar?

Any one else have ideas about aging and Aspergers?


_________________
Living my life one day at a time.


Max1951
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2011
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 169
Location: Central Pa

13 Jan 2019, 10:32 am

I think that retirement makes Asperger's worse, because you don't have as many opportunities to exercise your social skills as you do at work, so you get rusty at it.



JustinDonne
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 18 Jan 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
Location: England

18 Jan 2019, 8:02 am

Not sure what to post. I don’t like to identify in a category, but I’ve rarely been attracted to women. I’m excellent at hiding or masking my Asperger’s and pass for neurotypical mostly. At home that’s nearly impossible. I’ve maintained it sometimes for years, but each of my relationships eventually became abusive to me.

I just don’t know where to find someone who can accept, understand, and still maintain the base line physical attraction.

Add to that what appears
To be superficiality with people, myself included, and I’m struggling with loneliness.

What can we do?



sfogelman
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Apr 2019
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 2
Location: New York City

19 Apr 2019, 10:29 am

I was diagnosed with ASD at age 55. I came out as gay in my 30's. Then men I found attractive I realize now was based more on infatuation than a positive interaction and I would usually misread my date's behavior over time to fit my desires. Now, I seem to be much more ASD symptomatic than ever, but I'm not sure if it's from overcoming the depression and anxiety or medication side effects. Because most my interests have disappeared, I don't really have much desire to date though I'm on a few dating apps. But when I meet with my therapists I feel hopeful for the future and just know to have relentless patients



jkwon23
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 25 Apr 2019
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 15

25 Apr 2019, 3:03 am

Ugh.
It's so hard being double rainbow. LGBT + aspie.
I want to find a gay asian partner, but they seem so rare, and I don't know if there are any gaysian that would want a partner with aspergers.



envirozentinel
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,796
Location: Keshron, Super-Zakhyria

25 Apr 2019, 3:17 am

Never say never. You can find a happy relationship against the odds and when you're least expecting it, as in my case. I think he is also on the spectrum and that helps a lot.
He is different to me in many ways but displays aspects of Aspue behavior, such as a dislike of noisy parties, office team building and human behavuour in general. He likes animals and technology, getting along better with both these extremes more than with crowds.

When I was diagnosed it actually strengthened our relationship, since he now understands my often weird and inexplicable behavior. So in my instance things got better after I was diagnosed at age 45.


_________________
Why is a trailer behind a car but ahead of a movie?


my blog:
https://sentinel63.wordpress.com/