Any ideas on dating someone with a different work schedule?

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ironpony
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18 Jul 2021, 7:21 pm

Right now I am dating someone who works at a very different time schedule than me. She works early shifts in her job, and I work late shifts. But because of this, we have to loose sleep if we choose to hang out, which kind of sucks of course. Has anyone had this problem before or have any advice on it? Thank you very much! I really appreciate it!



DW_a_mom
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19 Jul 2021, 1:46 am

Work schedules change throughout life. In my observation, people adapt best they can while they are exploring the relationship. When they get serious, they start looking into schedule modification options to ease the burden.


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ironpony
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19 Jul 2021, 1:49 am

But what if the employers are not going to accept modification requests though.



that1weirdgrrrl
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19 Jul 2021, 2:15 pm

Can you visit her on your breaks, or can she visit you on her breaks?

Could you have breakfast together before she goes to work? Or have dinner together before you go to work?

Do you have any days off that overlap? (Like Saturday or sunday?)


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19 Jul 2021, 4:11 pm

ironpony wrote:
Right now I am dating someone ...
Are you dating her in person or are you "dating" her via Skype, Zoom, or some other video chat app?


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Double Retired
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19 Jul 2021, 4:25 pm

Can you each do most of your sleeping while the other is working? You could rendezvous for a true night-life.


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DW_a_mom
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19 Jul 2021, 6:19 pm

ironpony wrote:
But what if the employers are not going to accept modification requests though.


First, you have no way to be sure of that. Second, it sounds like you are still a long way from knowing the relationship is serious. If you get to that point and employers are intractable, you decide accordingly. People change jobs for relationships. People move for relationships. You can't look forward to see what your options will be as they are subject to constant evolution. Your situation today is NOT lifelong, so I would not make lifelong decisions based upon it. Meanwhile, you will do what people always do: do your best with the situation you have.


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ironpony
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20 Jul 2021, 9:29 am

We are not dating over skype or anything but in person.

But as far as the idea goes, is wait till the relationship is more serious before making schedule changes, how do I progess the relationship into possible seriousness, if the schedules are preventing us from getting there as much, if that makes sense?



that1weirdgrrrl
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20 Jul 2021, 6:38 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
people adapt best they can while they are exploring the relationship. When they get serious, they start looking into schedule modification options to ease the burden.


Double Retired wrote:
Can you each do most of your sleeping while the other is working? You could rendezvous for a true night-life.


that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
Can you visit her on your breaks, or can she visit you on her breaks?

Could you have breakfast together before she goes to work? Or have dinner together before you go to work?

Do you have any days off that overlap? (Like Saturday or sunday?)


If your employer refuses to let you change your schedule, you could quit and find a more compatible work situation elsewhere.

(I've known many people who have quit jobs to start dating someone / get more serious with someone / get married, in order to relocate, in order to go back to school / vocational training, or in order to find an employer who respected them and their time more, in order to make more money, in order to raise children, etc, etc, etc.... People leave jobs for
So many different reasons).


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DW_a_mom
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26 Jul 2021, 7:23 pm

ironpony wrote:
But as far as the idea goes, is wait till the relationship is more serious before making schedule changes, how do I progess the relationship into possible seriousness, if the schedules are preventing us from getting there as much, if that makes sense?


While dating it isn't uncommon for individuals to test out different and creative time schedules to allow themselves to date and talk. Choosing a day you can afford to, you might stay awake a few extra hours in order to get together, for example.

In some ways, how willing you are to make short term sacrifices in order to advance the relationship is a test of how much you want it. There is nothing wrong with deciding a relationship (either a particular one, or any at all) isn't worth the disruption to your schedule, but anyone who feels that way has to accept they've just made a clear choice.


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27 Jul 2021, 2:17 am

You learn to work around it.

Many people have different work times to their partners, it's something you adapt to and make the best of the situation.

When I was working nights I would meet my (now ex) partner and we'd have breakfast together before walking her to work. It meant we got to spend some time together and do something nice.



ironpony
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27 Jul 2021, 9:38 am

Oh okay, it's just we are quite tired some days because of it, and I feel it's beginning to wear. I guess I could just try to find a way to handle it for now...