Dating a virgin for the first time.

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Nades
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19 Oct 2021, 7:30 am

A first for me. A woman who's taken a but of an interest in me has told me she's a virgin with almost no experience with men. What worries me is that unlike a lot other older virgins, she has no disability that's prevented her from interacting with men and instead, decided to avoid dating until the age of 29 for her career which never took off anyway.

As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return. Probably an autistics nightmare thinking if it.

We've been in four dates now and have another lined up. She responded very well indeed to the first kiss and went in for seconds and thirds. Perhaps I'm just being a bit paranoid from previous experiences but is it a red flag to anyone? I thought if she was into guys and has been capable all this time she would have done the deed a long time ago.



babybird
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19 Oct 2021, 8:57 am

Yeah it's a bit of a strange one that.



Minervx_2
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21 Oct 2021, 9:23 am

Quote:
What worries me


This shouldn't worry you. This is her business - not yours.

It's not a red flag. People go through their dating life at different paces. There's no one size fits all.

You're making a lot of assumptions on what she's like romantically, but you don't really know anything for sure.

Keep in mind that women get judged for their "body count" no matter what. People will comment about it if they feel like it's "too high". And apparently, from what you wrote, people will make an issue of it if its "too low" too.

I wouldn't say anything to her about this topic; I wouldn't even ask why.

The only thing I would tell her (when we're intimate) is "I want to make this as comfortable for you as possible; if there's anything you want me to do or not do, you can talk to me about it any time"



AquaineBay
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21 Oct 2021, 4:43 pm

It is unusual for someone that is 29 years old with no disability to not have been on a date(especially women). If you are just in it for a casual fling and be done with it then I wouldn't worry cause it doesn't matter too much in the end(And please tell her so that you and her are on the same page!). If you plan on being in a relationship and possibly married then I would say that is a red flag.

Reasons for red flag:
Could indicate these:
She isn't marriage minded
She is aromantic(possibly asexual)
She doesn't want children
She is a "work-aholic"(which isn't a bad thing but some put their career over everything else).
Pass unhealed trauma
Etc.

Now you shouldn't go looking for the red flags but, just be cautious.



kraftiekortie
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22 Oct 2021, 10:40 pm

Don’t blow a good thing just because she’s a virgin.

Do you have strong feelings for her?



IsabellaLinton
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22 Oct 2021, 11:56 pm

Nades wrote:
I thought if she was into guys and has been capable all this time she would have done the deed a long time ago.


??

What do you mean by "if she has been capable all this time" ?

You stated that she decided to avoid dating until age 29. Therefore she wasn't capable.

Are you suggesting heterosexual women are supposed to have sex by a certain age, unless they have a disability as an excuse?

What exactly is "an older virgin" anyway?

Is there a cutoff age?



hurtloam
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23 Oct 2021, 12:42 am

Isabella Linton. Have you not been on this forum long enough? Women are able to access sex anytime because they are women. They just need to walk out on the street and grab a guy :lol:

Women aren't seen as individuals here with feelings and desires. We're not allowed to be shy, awkward or have struggles. Or want to have real emotional intimacy rather than just sex with any old guy. We're just meat that can arouse or not. We're not people to make emotional connections with. We are there to be sexual fantasies. If we can't play to that fantasy a "woe is me" post is made.

I see red flags. Red flags from the OP. I hope she's not too inexperienced and unloved enough to realise she can do better



Nades
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23 Oct 2021, 12:57 am

hurtloam wrote:
Isabella Linton. Have you not been on this forum long enough? Women are able to access sex anytime because they are women. They just need to walk out on the street and grab a guy :lol:

Women aren't seen as individuals here with feelings and desires. We're not allowed to be shy, awkward or have struggles. Or want to have real emotional intimacy rather than just sex with any old guy. We're just meat that can arouse or not. We're not people to make emotional connections with. We are there to be sexual fantasies. If we can't play to that fantasy a "woe is me" post is made.

I see red flags. Red flags from the OP. I hope she's not too inexperienced and unloved enough to realise she can do better


You seem to have a lot of problems with me do you? Ideally don't post again on this thread.

This isn't going to turn into a repeat of my last thread where you were firing off your mouth for little reason.



Last edited by Nades on 23 Oct 2021, 2:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

Nades
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23 Oct 2021, 1:00 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:
I thought if she was into guys and has been capable all this time she would have done the deed a long time ago.


??

What do you mean by "if she has been capable all this time" ?

You stated that she decided to avoid dating until age 29. Therefore she wasn't capable.

Are you suggesting heterosexual women are supposed to have sex by a certain age, unless they have a disability as an excuse?

What exactly is "an older virgin" anyway?

Is there a cutoff age?


Older I would say is 25+. Average age at losing it is generally about 17 so it's considerably later and has me wondering. I have the feeling she might possibly be asexual.



cyberdad
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23 Oct 2021, 1:03 am

Nades wrote:
What worries me is that unlike a lot other older virgins, she has no disability that's prevented her from interacting with men and instead, decided to avoid dating until the age of 29 for her career which never took off anyway.

As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return.


A few things here don't line up.
1, It's actually not unusual for NT females to not date till later in life
2, What has her focusing on her career got to do with her being timid?
3. Why are you reluctant to make any moves after 3-4 dates?

BTW what career was she do focused on in her 20s?

On your last point, no woman will make moves and few give signals. Women wait for men to create situations/make offers. They don't want a man who wants them to make all the decisions.



Nades
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23 Oct 2021, 1:10 am

cyberdad wrote:
Nades wrote:
What worries me is that unlike a lot other older virgins, she has no disability that's prevented her from interacting with men and instead, decided to avoid dating until the age of 29 for her career which never took off anyway.

As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return.


A few things here don't line up.
1, It's actually not unusual for NT females to not date till later in life
2, What has her focusing on her career got to do with her being timid?
3. Why are you reluctant to make any moves after 3-4 dates?

BTW what career was she do focused on in her 20s?

On your last point, no woman will make moves and few give signals. Women wait for men to create situations/make offers. They don't want a man who wants them to make all the decisions.


I did make a first move on the 4th date. She seemed fine with it and actually seemed to like it.

I think avoiding dating until almost 30 will make anyone shy too. I doubt not many people will be bursting with confidence if it's left that late.

She has a degree in media but didn't really get far with it and has been working in a shop since.



Last edited by Nades on 23 Oct 2021, 2:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nades
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23 Oct 2021, 2:17 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Don’t blow a good thing just because she’s a virgin.

Do you have strong feelings for her?


Pretty strong at the moment. She's on the more capable and independent end of the scale which I like. I know with confidence she won't ask me for money or pester me for favours which is what I would want in a woman (and to be honest how any fully grown adult should be)



cyberdad
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23 Oct 2021, 2:20 am

Nades wrote:
I did make a first move on the 4th date. She seemed fine with it and actually seemed to like it.

I think avoiding dating until almost 30 will make anyone shy too. I doubt many will be bursting with confidence if it's left that late.


it sounds like things are moving in the right direction so the ball's in your court. Don't underestimate latent/repressed sexuality, you may be very very surprised. But you need to read the tea leaves and work on timing.



Mountain Goat
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23 Oct 2021, 4:50 am

It really does not matter is someone is a virgin or not. I have no hope if you judge by being one is to be avoided. If anything I would avoid a woman who has been with too many men because she is likely to go out with you and change her mind and find another one. This lady is far more likely to stay because she may have found the thought of dating difficult, so when she finds a date she will want it to last forever, so she will be far more likely to be committed. Of course there is no 100% in this that things will work out but I hope they do.
I would not let it worry you. All is fine. Keep dating and enjoy the experience.



IsabellaLinton
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23 Oct 2021, 9:41 am

Nades wrote:

Older I would say is 25+. Average age at losing it is generally about 17 so it's considerably later and has me wondering. I have the feeling she might possibly be asexual.


Women don't commodify their bodies by "doing the deed" on schedule to drive sociological data, or to assure future partners that they aren't disabled in bed.

Nades wrote:
As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return. Probably an autistics nightmare thinking if it.


WTF.

So wait, her lack of experience means she won't be able to give feedback ... for YOUR pleasure and to stroke YOUR ego?

It will be a nightmare for .... you??

You're objectifying her. This is not about you.

It sounds more like a potential nightmare for HER, to be judged, shamed, and stereotyped by someone who doesn't respect women's autonomy or respect the choices they make for their body.



Nades
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23 Oct 2021, 10:31 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:

Older I would say is 25+. Average age at losing it is generally about 17 so it's considerably later and has me wondering. I have the feeling she might possibly be asexual.


Women don't commodify their bodies by "doing the deed" on schedule to drive sociological data, or to assure future partners that they aren't disabled in bed.

Nades wrote:
As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return. Probably an autistics nightmare thinking if it.


WTF.

So wait, her lack of experience means she won't be able to give feedback ... for YOUR pleasure and to stroke YOUR ego?

It will be a nightmare for .... you??

You're objectifying her. This is not about you.

It sounds more like a potential nightmare for HER, to be judged, shamed, and stereotyped by someone who doesn't respect women's autonomy or respect the choices they make for their body.


Judging someone will be rejecting them without giving them a chance.

I believe what I'm doing is what everyone does when they meet someone new...find out if you're compatible. For some this appears to be a problem it seems.

Is it really much of a surprise to think that if someone avoids dating their entire life, they'll become very rusty and nervous at dealing with men/women or whatever rocks their boat? So far.....she's been rusty and it's been difficult.

I take it my desire to have a family also doesn't matter then? Even at the age of 31? It's about me as much as her. I'm not a horny teenager anymore looking to get a leg over. I'm in my 30s, built up a good amount of stability and want to settle down properly. You only seem to view this front he female perspective.