Guys to overprotective of there girlfriends?

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Nades
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09 Aug 2022, 12:11 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

That's why I believe "the loss of virginity" is not something like finding the Holy Grail.


It's not, but to an older virgin it might as well be the Holy Grail. This needs to be kept in mind when weighing up risk. We all see the posts here from people tearing themselves to shreds over their virginity and I honestly think if so many people get so worked up about it then what's the point of picking the "correct" type of sex?



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09 Aug 2022, 12:21 pm

Nades wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:

That's why I believe "the loss of virginity" is not something like finding the Holy Grail.


It's not, but to an older virgin it might as well be the Holy Grail. This needs to be kept in mind when weighing up risk. We all see the posts here from people tearing themselves to shreds over their virginity and I honestly think if so many people get so worked up about it then what's the point of picking the "correct" type of sex?


It's not a cure for depression, though. I remember seeing posts from people who finally found love (and sex) but quickly realized that they were still depressed.

Once again, it's not normal for people to tear "themselves to shreds over their virginity." They need to get help. It's probably much more difficult for people with untreated/insufficiently treated mental health issues to find love.

Also, a few regular members of this board may not represent the entire demographic (here or elsewhere). The sample is too small and not sufficiently randomized.


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kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 12:29 pm

I totally stopped with the one-night stands by the time I was in my late 20s. I never had a one-night stand intending it to be a one-night stand. I always wanted more than that.

I suppose, were I a virgin, that I would feel "left out." It's the "myth" behind sex---like sex alone is some transcendent thing. That it puts you with the "haves," and takes you away from the "have nots," that makes losing one's virginity akin to searching for the Holy Grail. I used to feel that way while I was a virgin. After I lost it, the allure of it (i.e., sex in and of itself) went away.

I lost my virginity with someone I found to be pretty special. I wasn't all that special to her, though. We never became an "item," like I wanted us to become an "item." We had gone out on one date the year before, to a movie. We held hands and made out a little---but that was it. No other dates.



klanka
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09 Aug 2022, 12:35 pm

Oh I see , the intention was different on your end, that makes sense.



kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 12:37 pm

When a woman once told me that it will be "the only time" we have sex, and that I wasn't "adequate down there," I felt pretty bad about it.

But I got over it.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:10 pm

Such people aren’t worth one’s time.


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Nades
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09 Aug 2022, 1:30 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Nades wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:

That's why I believe "the loss of virginity" is not something like finding the Holy Grail.


It's not, but to an older virgin it might as well be the Holy Grail. This needs to be kept in mind when weighing up risk. We all see the posts here from people tearing themselves to shreds over their virginity and I honestly think if so many people get so worked up about it then what's the point of picking the "correct" type of sex?


It's not a cure for depression, though. I remember seeing posts from people who finally found love (and sex) but quickly realized that they were still depressed.

Once again, it's not normal for people to tear "themselves to shreds over their virginity." They need to get help. It's probably much more difficult for people with untreated/insufficiently treated mental health issues to find love.

Also, a few regular members of this board may not represent the entire demographic (here or elsewhere). The sample is too small and not sufficiently randomized.


Not a cure but counselling or seeing a shrink seems like a sticking plaster too. It's an innate human desire and no amount of counselling will ever alleviate the frustrations once they set in. Actively pursuing sexual encounters is quilted literally the most proactive measure. Every single adult virgin I've ever seen in my entire life have been bothered about it too. Whether they will still be miserable afterwards is a different matter.

Obviously this needs to be done in a way that doesn't wind people up.



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09 Aug 2022, 1:56 pm

There are more glamourious places to go than bars.


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kraftiekortie
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09 Aug 2022, 2:10 pm

UK = Plaster

US = Band-Aid



nick007
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11 Aug 2022, 5:29 am

I'm not gonna read 13 pages of replies so this reply will stick to the original topic. I am extremely protective of the women I love because they are more important to me than anything else including myself & I am lost without them. The rest of the world could burn in hell for all I care. My 1st & current girlfriend had/have various issues their dealing with & I feel I kinda have to be protective of em.

My current gf's doc, psychiatrist, & counselor were concerned I might be controlling & abusive when she 1st started seeing them but they quickly realized that I'm protective & she's usually the abusive one in the relationship. She's kinda unstable when she's stressed, anxious, depressed, or feeling pressured. She probably has Borderline Personality Disorder &/or rapid cycling Bipolar along with depression & various types of anxiety & executive dysfunction. She tends to take things out on me when she's in a bad mood. She's usually the one making decisions in our relationship & I just give my input but sometimes her judgement is not very good. She sometimes makes decisions that she regrets. She ran up alot of credit-card debt due to impulsive spending. She has a very codependent relationship with a couple of her family members who manipulate & guilt trip her. One is very controlling of another family member by having tons of rules for them to follow that he sometimes suddenly changes & he threatens suicide whenever he cant get his way or they get mad at him over it, surprisingly he's been diagnosed with Aspergers since he was little. The other family member alienated everyone else in the family by performing $hit tests on them & he's letting himself waist away by living on pot & coffee. Cass would feel horribly bad when/if they die & would blame herself for not being there more so she often spends time with them only to come back horrible upset about it. I often feel I have to be her councilor & encourage her to try & set boundaries & make herself & her own needs a higher priority. She's sometimes very forgetful due to stress & I have to remind her of things. Bad stress can cause her to shut down sometimes & I have to make a decision & push her in a direction or push her to go to a doctor when she's very sick & freaking out or shutdown. I really think things would go better for her if she would consider my input more. I tend to be a passive person & go my own way with things & I don't like being in this position but I feel I need to. There's LOTS of things I love about her but I believe things would be better for her if she took less responsibility for everyone else & took more responsibility for herself.

As for as her chatting with other guys, Cass has a very hard time saying No when others ask her for money even thou she has a ton of debt herself. She doesn't know the difference between someone just wanting to get free money from her & someone actually intending to pay her back & wanting to be her friend. I'd have no problem with her having a guy friend if he was NOT trying to use her for money or anything & cared about being a real friend himself.


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11 Aug 2022, 11:01 pm

Why would you not expect guys to be protective of their girlfriends.


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11 Aug 2022, 11:04 pm

Fnord wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Once again, we’re talking about a general pattern of behavior.
Go to bar . . . chat up woman . . . get rejected . . . post "Why?" . . . ignore/argue against replies . . . repeat . . .

That about sums it up.


That's very well-said. :D


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11 Aug 2022, 11:28 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
A bit of topic last night when I was out after a few beers this younger girl said "can you stop starring at me please"

A girl has never that to me before.


8O

Maybe you should avoid bars and excessive alcohol consumption if it’s going to make you behave in ways that makes others uncomfortable.


I strongly agree.


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11 Aug 2022, 11:48 pm

This is an interesting question.

In my experience where the guy is "punching above his weight" and has a hot g/f then he's more likely to be overprotective (protecting his good fortune/asset :lol: )

But of course this means the guy's personality traits favors him being the controlling/old fashioned/jealous type