Does sex require a bond/connection?

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Carl Friedrich Gauss
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15 Aug 2022, 2:08 pm

From my childhood, even in high school, all my male friends were always talking about having sex with girls. Then, I encountered that most of these people had sex with women. Even those who are married (they were cheating)

I tried to have sex. But these attempts were awful. Because I realized that only way for me to have sex (to get pleasure of it) with a woman is to feel a (reciprocal) connection, a bond between us. But those of my friends never mentioned such a thing. They were only talking about how beautiful legs, hips or other part of organs women have. I never understood this. When I judge beauty I only look at the face of women and intelligence. Which kind of ideas they have. I do not know why.

I always respect that someone can claim sex is a biological need and it does not require any feelings. But I always saw sex as something different. For example, if the most beautiful woman in the world came and say ,would you like to have sex with me, I probably say no. Since I need a connection, a bond. That is why I believe I never betray my wife, if one day I marry. Not just because of this, but also I believe a philosophy of my own.

In short, sex is like touching. If I do not feel, I do not touch. If I have a wife to touch, why should I need to touch another woman?

I do not have any sexual problem. I have been masturbated at least 4 a week, sometimes every day for all my life. I will be 28 at september. Sometimes, I am watching porn. But I discovered only women with beautiful face attract me. But this beauty is not universal. As I mentioned before, I can not see most of women who are claimed to be beautiful by most people as beautiful. Because people look at all body parts. I only Look at the face. For example, legs of women never attract me. I never see legs or any other parts of women as sexual.

Women attract me. But not their bodies. I want to have sex. But I don't see sex as sex.

I just tried to explain my thoughts and just wanted to know whether or not there are some people like me here. Or am I so alone. This is not my native language. That is why I would not be explained my ideas as clearly as you can understand. I have been reading articles (at least one) in English nearly every day to enhance my language ability. This is my 3rd language. I have 2 native languages.

Thanks for reading. I am happy to be here. Because I know nobody will bully me because of my thoughts.



that1weirdgrrrl
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15 Aug 2022, 4:07 pm

If that's how you are, then that's how you are. I wouldn't worry about it.

The guys you hear talk may well be exaggerating because they are competing and comparing with the other men they're talking to.

Many people are demi, many are not. It takes all kinds...


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Carl Friedrich Gauss
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16 Aug 2022, 1:06 am

I had never heard this term before. I have just searched on the internet. It is called demisexuality. But the part "demi" sounds rough and may be misleading. Because I have a full potential of sexual desire. My sexuality is not half of something. The difference between me and others, I think, is that I am more selective or need a bond.

It may also be because of oxytocin hormone levels. Because for example, male mountain mouse and male meadow mouse have very different oxytocin levels. One does sex with any other females without discrimination. However, the other only bond to a female mouse and it is called monogamous. I guess, I am biologically determined monogamous. Maybe that is why most of them (my friends) betrayed their wife. And maybe they did not have an ethical or philosophical understanding of life or maybe a different understanding from mine. It does not matter. If I had a chance to choose between the two, I would choose mine.

Now, I just want to learn how this sounds to you? If someone says he or she is demisexual, would you think this might be a problem or at least cause to some problem in the future? How should I introduce this topic, not to put people off?



CockneyRebel
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16 Aug 2022, 4:31 am

I think that sex does require a connection.


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kraftiekortie
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16 Aug 2022, 4:40 am

It probably makes you a better guy.



Noamx
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16 Aug 2022, 5:05 am

Sex is better done as a result of some bond/connection, but it can be done without too. The bigger question you need to ask yourself is, do you get laid together because you really love each other, or is it because the woman, for example, want to make the man happy in their relationship, so he will pay for her more, or love her more, and so on, ?

You dont always have to give it so much thought like you might do, because sometimes couples get laid just because they enjoy sex, without a special reason to do so. But I have a feeling men care about sex alot more than women, although that might not be the case always in every relationship.



Carl Friedrich Gauss
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16 Aug 2022, 5:45 am

Quoted
"because sometimes couples get laid just because they enjoy sex, without a special reason to do so."

This is the part most people often misunderstood. I do not need special reasons for each sex to enjoy them. This demisexual term means that I can not have sex with people I do not know or people I have nothing to feel to.

If I marry one day, that would be probably because I felt something to her. And this is not something repeats each time for each sex.

And we will probably have sex without any special reason just to get pleasure.

If I do not want to have sex, that means I don't have a feeling. I just can not do this with people I don't feel anything to. But if I marry with a woman, I probably would never reject her.

In short, no women seem as sexually attractive at first except women with a beautiful face (but this is very rare). Even if I see them as naked, I would just want to ejaculate not loving, or kissing. To get rid of this drive/impulse. But making love is nearly impossible.

In my life, I am trying to meet women I can make "love" with. I guess I am enjoying making "love" not ejaculate. This may be a more complicated issue.

If I like a woman and if she likes me, then I want to touch, have sex, kiss etc. But If a woman came and show me her legs I may show her my legs in return. But if a woman came and show me her excellent ideas and if other things (a beautiful face etc) are suitable as well, then I feel an attraction to her.



Last edited by Carl Friedrich Gauss on 16 Aug 2022, 5:53 am, edited 3 times in total.

Carl Friedrich Gauss
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16 Aug 2022, 5:46 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It probably makes you a better guy.



Thank you for your niceness.



Nades
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16 Aug 2022, 10:27 am

Simple answer is no. Most of my encounters have been with women I have no bond or connection too and sometimes didn't even know their name until afterwards, if at all.

Women vary a lot with the type of men and sex they prefer.



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16 Aug 2022, 10:28 am

No.

I've had plenty of sex that just required mutual physical sexual attraction & consent. Most of the time it's been Very Hot.

But a bond/connection can be involved, it just isn't "required," for sex. For Some People it may be more of a required criteria, though - usually for females as their sexual attraction is typically more emotionally based vs. purely physical.


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kraftiekortie
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16 Aug 2022, 10:47 am

Having sex with someone without a regard for that person.....is like humping a rubber doughnut.



DanielW
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16 Aug 2022, 10:54 am

Sex doesn't require a bond or a connection. Plenty of people of all sexualities can have anonymous sex just for its own sake. I think it helps to have a connection in some cases, but not all.



Last edited by DanielW on 16 Aug 2022, 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Carl Friedrich Gauss
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16 Aug 2022, 10:56 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Having sex with someone without a regard for that person.....is like humping a rubber doughnut.



You are great ! Interpretation of my feelings.



Carl Friedrich Gauss
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16 Aug 2022, 11:00 am

DanielW wrote:
Sex doesn't require a bond or a connection. Plenty of people of all sexualities can have anonymous sex just for its own sake. I think it helps to have a connection in some cases, but not all.



It seems that I will deprive of it until I find a girl/women who I can love.



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16 Aug 2022, 11:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Having sex with someone without a regard for that person.....is like humping a rubber doughnut.


Nope. Sex with a female is sex with a female. They feel the same whether you have a connection to them or not.

I've had good convos immediately after having sex with some though. By it's nature, the pair need to feel comfortable just to have sex so that in itself is a bond or connection, regardless of how small.



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16 Aug 2022, 11:05 am

I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone that I wasn’t in love with.

Everyone is different, though.


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