Online dating and speed dating for Aspies

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cyberfox007
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10 Apr 2011, 3:13 pm

Hi everyone

As someone who is looking for that significant other, i have spotty relationship record of bad relationships don't seem to last long. Mostly because i would make a ton of mistakes that freaked a girl out. I have failed numberless times to the point where i almost want to give up on relationships and become a Bachelor. I have been thinking going the way of online dating or speed dating as my last kick off the can for relationships before i hang my bouquet of roses for good.

I find i am more social in the online world than the offline one and that's where i could get some luck on the online dating front. i have been looking at this one website gk2gk.com and i like the people that i see there but i have been reading some negative things about the site like how it is a cash grab or it just collects information from you or something. Stuff like this makes me weary of making the plunge into online dating.

As for speed dating, i never had the chance to do it but it is something that i would like to do. i barely see any posters around for this sorta thing but when i get the chance il try it out.

If anyone has any experiences on this sorta thing, feel free to contribute.



redwulf25_ci
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10 Apr 2011, 7:43 pm

Speed dating has always struck me as a bad plan for an aspie. I find meeting new people to be very stressful. Meeting lots of new people in rapid succession would be, at least for me, a one way ticket to a melt down.



cyberfox007
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11 Apr 2011, 7:05 am

I like to meet new people but now that you put it that way i can see why it would cause someone to go off on a tangent.



superbetsy
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11 Apr 2011, 12:56 pm

I've been looking for some opinions on online dating, as well. I'm a young female and I work in an almost entirely male profession. I'm attending grad school for Engineering... pretty much 100% male. Because of these environments, I find it really hard to meet people. You'd think it'd be easy... however, work and part-time grad school aren't conducive to establishing relationships. I want to meet someone who has similar interests to me, but with whom I don't necessarily attend meetings. Also, because of the all-male environments, I think everyone assumes I'm not single based on how I'm always surrounded by men.

Anyway, the only thing that sounds scarier than meeting a new person by chance is meeting someone with the single purpose of beginning a romance. The idea of meeting a new person and essentially interviewing them, and auditioning FOR them is terrifying. Dating terrifies me, but it seems like it could only be worse when you arrange to meet someone with the intention of establishing a spark.

Does anyone know what I mean? If so, can anyone offer advice on whether or not to try online dating?

Or is speeddating something to consider, like cyberfox007 mentioned?

Or is it time to resign to a life of drinking too much and having one-night stands?



cyberfox007
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11 Apr 2011, 7:57 pm

I totally understand your situation. I am an engineering student too and just about to graduate. It is a male dominated field and i have not had any luck with the female counterparts i my program or field due to a lack of them and different interests.

When it comes to romance, it is something i am searching for but that is not my main purpose. A relationship is something you nurture and make it grow and not something you rush. I have made this mistake many times that have resulted in disaster and heartache, only to learn from them.

As for one-night stands, i find them pointless. The fact that you have to get tanked up just so some random stranger can have their "fun" with you for the night and render you a nobody the following day is just rancid. You gain no confidence and the "relationship" is only temporary only to make you feel used.

Speed dating for one is something i would like to try and il give a post on that if it ever happens

Now, online dating (to me at least) is gonna be my plan b if all else fails. Finding the right site that suites your needs can be tricky. I like the site i mentioned but i read that its nothing more then a cash grab, they harvest your info, its a scam etc. and that kinda makes me a bit afraid to go on any online dating site route for this or any other dating site. I will keep it as a back up plan for now but id say its worth trying just to see if you have some compatibility out there.

Despite my failures, i am gonna continue. i have a bad habit of never giving up :)



blauSamstag
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11 Apr 2011, 10:58 pm

Simple anthropology.

Taking an interest in potential mates is about comparing the relative desirability of candidates in the pool of available mates.

The larger that pool is, the more interested potential mates a very desirable candidate will have - and conversely, the less attention a less desirable mate will receive.

In more blunt terms, in a big crowd of beautiful people who are easy to relate to, the homely person with social issues is background noise.

If you aren't highly desirable, you're better off in smaller groups with longer periods of exposure.

this means that the internet, fwiw, is about the worst place possible.



Iphone31966
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21 Nov 2020, 6:20 pm

How about if speed dating can be all naked speed dating.



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21 Nov 2020, 6:25 pm

Iphone31966 wrote:
How about if speed dating can be all naked speed dating.


That sounds like speed hookups. 8)


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21 Nov 2020, 6:41 pm

superbetsy wrote:
I've been looking for some opinions on online dating, as well. I'm a young female and I work in an almost entirely male profession. I'm attending grad school for Engineering... pretty much 100% male. Because of these environments, I find it really hard to meet people. You'd think it'd be easy... however, work and part-time grad school aren't conducive to establishing relationships. I want to meet someone who has similar interests to me, but with whom I don't necessarily attend meetings. Also, because of the all-male environments, I think everyone assumes I'm not single based on how I'm always surrounded by men.

Anyway, the only thing that sounds scarier than meeting a new person by chance is meeting someone with the single purpose of beginning a romance. The idea of meeting a new person and essentially interviewing them, and auditioning FOR them is terrifying. Dating terrifies me, but it seems like it could only be worse when you arrange to meet someone with the intention of establishing a spark.

Does anyone know what I mean? If so, can anyone offer advice on whether or not to try online dating?

Or is speeddating something to consider, like cyberfox007 mentioned?

Or is it time to resign to a life of drinking too much and having one-night stands?


Drinking too much is a requirement for engineers, I thought? Gives that little wobble that's so great for welding.

TBH it sounds like the mix of work and studying is the main barrier here, you're just too busy for a relationship. At least you can recognise that, though, rather than rushing to take on too much and then burning out. Aspies need more time and space than NTs, very often. You know that already, good.

Having said that, love has a habit of finding a way. You're probably better off waiting until you've qualified before looking for someone, but if someone nice happens to come along in the meantime don't stamp on their toe-caps.

I volunteer in an engineering field and let me tell you, there are a loads of guys who dream about finding a girl who shares those skills and interests.

Personally I'd wait for something to develop organically rather than going down the online dating / speed dating route, as that's not really an environment Aspies tend to shine in. But it does depend how confident you are (and how fed up, I suppose). Only you know how well you cope with pressure, time limits, and awkward, forced, social interaction!!



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21 Nov 2020, 11:08 pm

superbetsy wrote:
I've been looking for some opinions on online dating, as well. I'm a young female and I work in an almost entirely male profession. I'm attending grad school for Engineering... pretty much 100% male. Because of these environments, I find it really hard to meet people. You'd think it'd be easy... however, work and part-time grad school aren't conducive to establishing relationships. I want to meet someone who has similar interests to me, but with whom I don't necessarily attend meetings. Also, because of the all-male environments, I think everyone assumes I'm not single based on how I'm always surrounded by men.

Anyway, the only thing that sounds scarier than meeting a new person by chance is meeting someone with the single purpose of beginning a romance. The idea of meeting a new person and essentially interviewing them, and auditioning FOR them is terrifying. Dating terrifies me, but it seems like it could only be worse when you arrange to meet someone with the intention of establishing a spark.

Does anyone know what I mean? If so, can anyone offer advice on whether or not to try online dating?

Or is speeddating something to consider, like cyberfox007 mentioned?

Or is it time to resign to a life of drinking too much and having one-night stands?


Around half the people in the world are introverts and the other half extroverts. Most people who pursue Engineering are introverts. It takes an introvert, deep thinking personality to be a good engineer. So I guess my advise would be to mingle with the other engineers, find one you are interested in and be BOLD. Ask him out on a date.


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21 Nov 2020, 11:20 pm

cyberfox007 wrote:
Hi everyone

As someone who is looking for that significant other, i have spotty relationship record of bad relationships don't seem to last long. Mostly because i would make a ton of mistakes that freaked a girl out. I have failed numberless times to the point where i almost want to give up on relationships and become a Bachelor. I have been thinking going the way of online dating or speed dating as my last kick off the can for relationships before i hang my bouquet of roses for good.

I find i am more social in the online world than the offline one and that's where i could get some luck on the online dating front. i have been looking at this one website gk2gk.com and i like the people that i see there but i have been reading some negative things about the site like how it is a cash grab or it just collects information from you or something. Stuff like this makes me weary of making the plunge into online dating.

As for speed dating, i never had the chance to do it but it is something that i would like to do. i barely see any posters around for this sorta thing but when i get the chance il try it out.

If anyone has any experiences on this sorta thing, feel free to contribute.


Several members on Wrong Planet have married. Aspie males have one advantage over neurotypicals. We may not be sociable but on the flip side, we are more likely to break social norms. And that is one of the doors for an Aspie romance.

One of the attributes of an Aspie is:

"A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence."

So the world is very wide and filled with many eligible young ladies. There are many cultures in the world. So if you look beyond the borders you might find someone who will become your soulmate.


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22 Nov 2020, 4:22 am

^ I don’t know about the claim that half of the world is introvert; any stats? I always observed introverts to be a minority in any group (ie. class).


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22 Nov 2020, 4:25 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Iphone31966 wrote:
How about if speed dating can be all naked speed dating.


That sounds like speed hookups. 8)


That would be a good business idea, but I bet the sed ratio would be 50 male: 1 female; and the female most likely to be transgender.


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22 Nov 2020, 8:19 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ I don’t know about the claim that half of the world is introvert; any stats? I always observed introverts to be a minority in any group (ie. class).


The first official random sample by the Myers-Briggs organization showed introverts made up 50.7% and extroverts 49.3% of the United States general population.

Source: Introvert vs Extrovert: A Look at the Spectrum and Psychology


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22 Nov 2020, 2:02 pm

The 3 girlfriends I had I met online. I met them on forums thou & the the latter two were on this one. I tried LOTS of dating sites during an 8 year stretch & I had NO luck on them but I also had NO luck with meeting women offline either. I have various disabilities & issues in addition to Aspergers which could of been a major factor as to why I struggled so much. When it comes to online dating I think women generally have much more of an advantage with getting dates than guys do. There tends to be much more guys than women on most dating sites. The higher ratio of men to women helps encourage an atmosphere where women are like employers & the guys are like the job seekers. However women meeting guys online are much more at risk than guys who meet women online but women meeting guys offline are also at higher risk than guys meeting women offline.


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22 Nov 2020, 7:27 pm

superbetsy wrote:
I've been looking for some opinions on online dating, as well. I'm a young female and I work in an almost entirely male profession. I'm attending grad school for Engineering... pretty much 100% male. Because of these environments, I find it really hard to meet people. You'd think it'd be easy... however, work and part-time grad school aren't conducive to establishing relationships. I want to meet someone who has similar interests to me, but with whom I don't necessarily attend meetings. Also, because of the all-male environments, I think everyone assumes I'm not single based on how I'm always surrounded by men.

Anyway, the only thing that sounds scarier than meeting a new person by chance is meeting someone with the single purpose of beginning a romance. The idea of meeting a new person and essentially interviewing them, and auditioning FOR them is terrifying. Dating terrifies me, but it seems like it could only be worse when you arrange to meet someone with the intention of establishing a spark.

Does anyone know what I mean? If so, can anyone offer advice on whether or not to try online dating?

Or is speeddating something to consider, like cyberfox007 mentioned?

Or is it time to resign to a life of drinking too much and having one-night stands?


Can't offer advice but relate strongly to this. I was never burning up the dating scene, but prior to grad school was able to meet people relatively easily and stumbled my way into two relationships. Once I got to grad school things got really hard, as I basically only interacted with a small bubble of people.

Online dating seems awful, but I wonder if its the only feasible way to meet people these days. Especially since my interests seem to be male dominated, so the old meet someone whose interested in the same things as you tends to not work. One upside of the pandemic is its given me an excuse to forget about this for a little while.


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