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Mego
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23 Oct 2011, 5:27 am

Do you think this guy has Aspergers or at least something that falls on the spectrum...

1. Odd speech: (story: i am about 80% positive he followed me somewhere or at least remembered a regular pattern of mine and showed up) I asked and he said "I didn't follow you and I dont know who did" which i think is kind of weird considering most people would respond with: "no, why would i do that?" or "what are you talking about?" Also, seems like you have to say things like "you should try/listen/go blah blah blah, *name*" so that he would even consider it BUT if you worded it like "you should listen to blah blah cd its really good *without his name*" he will respond with either no or yes depending on his current situation/mood.

2. Strange social rules that only apply to him: a) He is only friends when he is hanging out with you. Says things like "Lets be friends again" as if I never existed. This got really confusing when i was trying to figure out where I stood with him. b) If he is busy or doesn't feel like talking he will respond with "no" , which seems really rude when you answer a text with that sort of response. However, apparently I am supposed to ask: "why don't you want to talk?" Then he will give an appropriate response or even have a decent convo. But if i answer "why?" he will give a really annoyed response like "you are giving me a headache" "I don't want to talk!! !! !! !! !! !!" c) Says comments that can go either way (taken seriously or comedic depending on how YOU respond) If he is trying to be funny and you respond in a serious way he wont say anything...but its not obvious in the least bit (things like come over and go away and Yep Fail)

3. Acts like you can read his mind: a) incredibly vague...says 1 word and thinks he says it all. He will bring up people or things with 1 word and gets super frustrated if you don't "know" what he is talking about. example: I asked him if he wanted to have lunch together this week.....he says sure....1 day later i ask him what his schedule was like....his response: what are you talking about....i say i thought we were going to have lunch this week...he says "Virginia" . I was like huh? why did you agree to have lunch if you weren't going to be in the same state? he was like "yeah"....then i was like I am sorry am i misunderstanding something here. His response was "yes" ...i have no idea what he is talking about and of course he gets really mad

4. Appears to lack empathy, but will say others lack it: If i am having a horrible day or something unfortunate happened to me he would respond with "makes me feel better" but of course he says nothing more than just that.....Also, says things like "you should be nicer" even though i don't think it was mean to call him weird when he said i was weird...oh well...

5. Questions are very vague and always the same: "why would you do that" "why would I do that" "why wouldn't I" ....i can never really tell what he is talking about....even though i feel like i should based on my own remark *shrug* It always seems like it has a totally different meaning to him....

6. Most bizarre thing that was said: (Back story: he invited me to a party. I was unable to attend due to him falling into the pool with his phone in his pocket and me waiting until the last minute....we even talked about it at great length a couple days prior) me- You should invite me to a party I can actually go to (with a tongue out emoticon to show i was teasing) him: why would i do that? me- uhhh because i haven't seen you in forever? him - i don't even know who this is me- huh? what do you mean? wait a second who is this? him - (names his roommate and probably because he was standing next to him ...my guess) him - who is this? me - (I say my full name) I seriously thought he was playing around until he wouldn't speak to me anymore..... Later when asked he responded with "I don't have to answer that"

7. Doesn't seem to remember conversations

8. Cant connect the dots dealing with social interaction...therefore he always creates problems and always blames the other person....acts like people pick on him.

9. Loves to correct people especially dealing with spelling or word usage.

10. Eccentric in nature and gets upset at the drop of a hat

He comes off as a complete ass. But he told i am crazy for thinking that he was mean to me....even though he over reacts to something incredibly loud and over the top and calls me crazy (even though i am always super quiet and have a flat tone)....which doesnt make any sense



Ichinin
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23 Oct 2011, 6:27 am

I know this is OT and i'm trying to say this in the nicest way i can put it:


ENOUGH!

Dear moronic as*hole - a "lack of empathy" is not a diagnostic criteria for Aspergers or Autism. Not knowing what the different feelings are is "lack of social reciprocity" (read the f*****g DSM will ya?). It's because of people like you, propagating this BS MYTH that the rest of us are being dragged in the mud and being judged by normal people who believe s**t like the stuff you blabber on about.

People with antisocial personality disorder (Psychopats / Sociopats) have no empathy. They usually end up in jail because they have manipulated/swindled someone, stolen something that was "theirs" or have killed someone - THAT is a lack of empathy, and not being able to read someones facial expressions ISN'T about empathy.

Empathy is about the ability to "put yourself in someone elses shoes" and understand their viewpoint. MANY aspies have this ability. If you do not - i am sad for you, but just because YOU have these problems does not mean that everyone else have it. If anything you should seek a new diagnosis for psychopathy if you are uncertain.

So, stop shoveling this horses**t about "lack of empathy" when you describe Autism or Aspergers!


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SilverShoelaces
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23 Oct 2011, 2:49 pm

Ichinin wrote:
I know this is OT and i'm trying to say this in the nicest way i can put it:


ENOUGH!

Dear moronic as*hole - a "lack of empathy" is not a diagnostic criteria for Aspergers or Autism. Not knowing what the different feelings are is "lack of social reciprocity" (read the f***ing DSM will ya?). It's because of people like you, propagating this bull**** MYTH that the rest of us are being dragged in the mud and being judged by normal people who believe sh** like the stuff you blabber on about.

People with antisocial personality disorder (Psychopats / Sociopats) have no empathy. They usually end up in jail because they have manipulated/swindled someone, stolen something that was "theirs" or have killed someone - THAT is a lack of empathy, and not being able to read someones facial expressions ISN'T about empathy.

Empathy is about the ability to "put yourself in someone elses shoes" and understand their viewpoint. MANY aspies have this ability. If you do not - i am sad for you, but just because YOU have these problems does not mean that everyone else have it. If anything you should seek a new diagnosis for psychopathy if you are uncertain.

So, stop shoveling this horse**** about "lack of empathy" when you describe Autism or Aspergers!


I think you read the OP wrong. It clearly says the person in question appears to lack empathy. The apparent lack of empathy is completely unrelated to an actual lack of empathy. If someone actually lacked empathy, as you said, that person may have Antisocial Personality Disorder (but not necessarily!). However, it is possible for a person with Asperger's to have an apparent lack of empathy, simply because it is harder for people with Asperger's and for NTs to understand each other than it is for them to understand themselves and others like them. Not understanding how people express themselves is completely different than having no empathy.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like this person is having more problems with communication than with empathy.



League_Girl
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23 Oct 2011, 10:41 pm

If that is all about him you described, that doesn't sound like AS. He could have social communication problems aka poor social skills. You didn't mention any rigidness or lack of flexibility or routines or repetitive interests or stims.

I wonder if people with poor social skills also have a different brain wiring just like people with ASDs do and also see things differently and learn differently?



Mego
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24 Oct 2011, 12:09 am

1. Its obvious he had a different way of thinking, which is probably why he is an engineer. The bad thing is I just could never find the "right" things to say back. I could never answer his open ended vague questions, which kind of made me feel dumb that I couldn't piece it together. So all I would say would be things like "just kidding" or "oh sorry" because I just couldn't figure it out. Its as if I thought of 3 things at once when he asked that....what did I just say? what is he trying to say? and where exactly was I going with that....my train of thought was cut. I couldn't hear the answer so couldn't say it. I dont know if that makes any sense.?

2. I simply said he "appeared" to lack empathy. Not that he actually lacked it. Sorry for the improper or unclear wording. I didn't mean to offend anyone.



Chronos
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24 Oct 2011, 1:59 am

Honestly, from your description it's impossible to say whether he has AS or not. But why does it matter? You two obviously have very different socialization styles and it does not seem as if a relationship or friendship would work out.



Mego
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24 Oct 2011, 11:47 am

Ironically, i have concluded that we think almost exactly the same way. The only difference is that (maybe because I am a girl) I have learned to adjust a little. Also, really social people know how to answer better. If i dont know where someone lives for example and I am going to their house...i will say "where do you live?" although the correct answer is probably "what is your address?" with him...he gave his street name....i asked again and he answered his community. I found this really annoying! However, I realized recently I do the same thing and people think I am not being serious and that I dont want them there. Another example was when he was going somewhere and he invited me....i asked "what is that?" (because I have never been before and because i have never even heard of the place) and he said "I dont know" however he must have known if he was going! Although he might have answered " I dont know" because he has never been before. My last example was another time when he gave almost every detail (except his address) to a party he was hosting....i asked "where?" (probably because every when what etc was described)...he answered "my house duh" I know I answer things in the same fashion but I always do this "oh oops sorry" and I never say duh as if it were obvious.

Anyways, it doesnt really matter...i explained all this to him and he is too arrogant to even try to understand.