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Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 1:49 pm

So I just found out that the guy I've been I've been talking about on here is not interested in a relationship right now. :( He said his schedule is way too busy and he would not be able to give me the time and attention that I need. I have heard that from every guy that I have dated or been interested in, and I'm honestly sick of it. Nobody is ever that busy. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I try to do everything right in order to attract guys or be a good girlfriend if I can actually get them to date me, and still nobody wants me. I'm 31 years old. I want a relationship with someone I truly love who loves me back. I would like to settle down and get married and have kids of my own. I've watched all of my friends do that. I'm the last single one. I want that so bad. Why can't I have it? What is so wrong with me that nobody wants a relationship with me?



octobertiger
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07 Nov 2013, 1:57 pm

If I'm right, you're the NT woman who was looking for a relationship with an aspie, and your mum was negative about this from happening?

First of all, you're clearly upset and annoyed, but is this the right time to ask these questions? You're clearly not feeling great about yourself. If you're feeling wobbly, finding any reasons why things are the way they are might not exactly be constructive (there might be no reasons at all!)

If you're upset, I'd leave it until you're less upset.

I suggest that if the above is the case, this is moved to the haven.



pastafarian
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07 Nov 2013, 2:28 pm

You are only 31.
Thats a good age to start dating, not to give up.



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07 Nov 2013, 2:46 pm

There is nothing wrong with you. 30 is such a mental number. Because its on the brink of "getting old" when it's not. Where most women scare some guys off is when they they say the words "settle down". Don't make that clearly evident. Just keep dating. I have an art history professor who is well into her 40s and got married in 2008. When you meet that right guy you'll know it. That's why it's called "dating". Which means you are single and able to have multiple options.


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Ferrus91
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07 Nov 2013, 2:46 pm

Finchel_Gleek wrote:
I would like to settle down and get married and have kids of my own.

You don't make that obvious do you? As that could scare some guys off if you seem to be too eager in that aspect.



equestriatola
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07 Nov 2013, 2:49 pm

I've been turned down once online. I can relate to you, OP.


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Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 3:58 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
I would like to settle down and get married and have kids of my own.

You don't make that obvious do you? As that could scare some guys off if you seem to be too eager in that aspect.


No, I don't. It's just something that I really want, and have wanted for a long time.



Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 3:59 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
I would like to settle down and get married and have kids of my own.

You don't make that obvious do you? As that could scare some guys off if you seem to be too eager in that aspect.


No, I don't. It's just something that I really want, and have wanted for a long time.



Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 4:33 pm

equestriatola wrote:
I've been turned down once online. I can relate to you, OP.


I'm turned down every time. I have really only had 1 real relationship, and that was my last one. We were together for just over a year, and he ended it with me because he didn't want the same things I did. (We had talked about getting married and having kids, which he said he wanted to do throughout most of the relationship. I'm not sure why he changed his mind. I know he wanted it badly for a long time.) I dated 2 other guys before him, but one was in high school and the other one was when I was 27. (Yeah, I have a history of not even getting asked on dates. It's usually years in between dates for me. Guys just don't pay much attention to me at all, which I know has really hurt my self esteem and self confidence.) Those relationships only lasted about 3 months. My last boyfriend was the first and only one that I have been intimate with. When I was with the first one, we were only 16 and 17, so way too young, and with the second one, I wanted to take things slow. I'm glad I did, because he ended up being a jerk, and I think he was just looking for sex and nothing else. My last boyfriend was the first and only one. He let me go at my own pace, and I knew for sure that Ii wanted to share that with him. I finally lost my virginity at 29 years old. I'm not a prude or anything, I just want to make good and sure that I really care for the guy and love him before I do anything with him.



Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 8:13 pm

pastafarian wrote:
You are only 31.
Thats a good age to start dating, not to give up.


I feel like it sometimes, though.



LogicalMolly
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07 Nov 2013, 8:22 pm

Finchel_Gleek wrote:
He said his schedule is way too busy and he would not be able to give me the time and attention that I need. I have heard that from every guy that I have dated or been interested in, and I'm honestly sick of it.


If all the guys you've been with have all said the same thing, there must be something you are doing or saying to make them back off.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just mean that you should try analysing your behaviour objectively and work out what you might be doing wrong.

I have similar issues, i.e. I noticed all the men I've been involved with had treated me in the same way (it was a different sort of undesirable behaviour, unrelated to what you are saying, but the same principle applies). I figured out that it couldn't be a coincidence, and had to be something I was doing wrong to make them all act the same way towards me. I worked out what it was I was doing wrong, and stopped doing it. You need to do the same.



Finchel_Gleek
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07 Nov 2013, 9:27 pm

LogicalMolly wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
He said his schedule is way too busy and he would not be able to give me the time and attention that I need. I have heard that from every guy that I have dated or been interested in, and I'm honestly sick of it.


If all the guys you've been with have all said the same thing, there must be something you are doing or saying to make them back off.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just mean that you should try analysing your behaviour objectively and work out what you might be doing wrong.

I have similar issues, i.e. I noticed all the men I've been involved with had treated me in the same way (it was a different sort of undesirable behaviour, unrelated to what you are saying, but the same principle applies). I figured out that it couldn't be a coincidence, and had to be something I was doing wrong to make them all act the same way towards me. I worked out what it was I was doing wrong, and stopped doing it. You need to do the same.


I am not even sure what it is I am saying or doing, though.



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08 Nov 2013, 2:32 am

You could try joining a dating site & messaging guys who seem really lonely, needy, clingy or desperate because something is different about them like being disabled, being a major dork, being more sensitive ect.


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Finchel_Gleek
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08 Nov 2013, 8:45 am

Tip: Styles can be applied quickly to selected text. & messaging guys who seem really lonely, needy, clingy or desperate because something is different about them like being disabled, being a major dork, being more sensitive ect.[/quote]

I had purchased memberships on some dating sites a while back. I had very bad experiences with them. All the guys I would meet on there would talk to me for about a week, then I would never hear from them again, I had creepy old men in their 60s and 70s who were old enough to be my dad messaging me and telling me I was hot and they wanted to meet me, and then there was the one guy who actually did keep talking to me that I did meet, and I ended up finding out that he was addicted to cocaine, and he is banned from the state of Georgia and from Canada, and he would not tell me what it was that he had done that makes it illegal for him to be there.



smudge
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08 Nov 2013, 8:59 am

octobertiger wrote:
If I'm right, you're the NT woman who was looking for a relationship with an aspie, and your mum was negative about this from happening?

First of all, you're clearly upset and annoyed, but is this the right time to ask these questions? You're clearly not feeling great about yourself. If you're feeling wobbly, finding any reasons why things are the way they are might not exactly be constructive (there might be no reasons at all!)

If you're upset, I'd leave it until you're less upset.

I suggest that if the above is the case, this is moved to the haven.


Weren't you mentioning in another thread that it was normal for people to ask questions and stereotype etc? Not that anyone has stereotyped...but how can the OP *not* ask questions?

I dunno about anyone else, but I'm almost always asking myself questions. Even if you come to the "wrong" answers the first time, you need to come to those wrong answers first in order to rule them out...in order to find better answers.



octobertiger
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08 Nov 2013, 9:10 am

I was saying that the basics stereotyping is 'normal', yeah - not that it's always justified to do so, or to follow them blindly. We are wired to do so. Not entirely sure how this spills over into this thread, and relates to questioning, though... (as stereotyping is a device to limit excessive questioning)

Of course, I agree - it's inevitable the OP will ask questions.

What I'm suggesting - only suggesting here - is that there is a time and a place for an inquisition, given the perceived background on this. And maybe since my post, that time has come! Or maybe that time already was - I don't know.

Obviously OP knows this far better than I do - hence my suggestion. I don't know how anyone else feels about this, but I find it more useful to ask what the hell happened, and ask questions, a little while after the event has passed, so I don't resort to self-flagellation.

When I see the "what is wrong with me" question, and "heartbroken", that tends to put a warning light on my head - perhaps because I used to be so cruel to myself, and beat myself senseless with this. Maybe that's just me.