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Codyrules37
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08 Nov 2013, 9:37 am

Maybe your unattractive. Maybe your too nerdy. Maybe the guys you like want to date hot supermodels with no personality at all...



sorry...



octobertiger
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08 Nov 2013, 9:41 am

^
above is an example of why I thought the thread should go in the haven. Nuff said.



Last edited by octobertiger on 08 Nov 2013, 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

smudge
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08 Nov 2013, 9:42 am

octobertiger wrote:
I was saying that the basics stereotyping is 'normal', yeah - not that it's always justified to do so, or to follow them blindly. We are wired to do so. Not entirely sure how this spills over into this thread, and relates to questioning, though... (as stereotyping is a device to limit excessive questioning)


I did say that it wasn't like anyone here had been stereotyping...i.e. yes, stereotyping isn't anything to do with this thread.

octobertiger wrote:
Of course, I agree - it's inevitable the OP will ask questions.

What I'm suggesting - only suggesting here - is that there is a time and a place for an inquisition, given the perceived background on this. And maybe since my post, that time has come! Or maybe that time already was - I don't know.

Obviously OP knows this far better than I do - hence my suggestion. I don't know how anyone else feels about this, but I find it more useful to ask what the hell happened, and ask questions, a little while after the event has passed, so I don't resort to self-flagellation.


Perhaps then it helps for the OP to ask questions at every stage...when she's first heartbroken, and afterwards when she's had time to think. I'm not sure. But yes, perhaps it's better to put this in the Haven rather than this forum, for this stage.

octobertiger wrote:
When I see the "what is wrong with me" question, and "heartbroken", that tends to put a warning light on my head - perhaps because I used to be so cruel to myself, and beat myself senseless with this. Maybe that's just me.


At the same time, you seem pretty aware of yourself, from what I've read. Maybe those sessions of beating yourself up helped you evolve? Or did you really learn the most from the questions asked afterwards?



octobertiger
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08 Nov 2013, 9:58 am

smudge wrote:

octobertiger wrote:
When I see the "what is wrong with me" question, and "heartbroken", that tends to put a warning light on my head - perhaps because I used to be so cruel to myself, and beat myself senseless with this. Maybe that's just me.


At the same time, you seem pretty aware of yourself, from what I've read. Maybe those sessions of beating yourself up helped you evolve? Or did you really learn the most from the questions asked afterwards?


What was that Robbie Williams lyric - 'so self aware, so full of...' :lol:

Beating oneself up - if all one feels is hurt, what can they but help to give out? And what good is that to anyone?

Really good questions of yours, Smudge. Maybe all I could do at the time was internally thrash myself for being 'useless', and I lacked enough maturity, experience and detachment to get the most out of questions. I finally realised that this first way - an emotional self-harming - was actually not of use at all (just a false control mechanism), and it was just mirroring all the abuse that I had been put through. This realisation came from questions afterwards.

As time came on, the questions that came afterwards started happening sooner, and sometimes in the moment - sometimes even before an event happened, saving me much time and distress from continually repeating mistakes. That's maturity and experience. I now sound like a right old fart. Someone please shoot me. :lol: Of course, I still mess things up.

It's not a case of did it help or not - it's a case of finding a better way. I didn't know a better way for many years, so I did what I could. Just like everyone does, in their own way.



Finchel_Gleek
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08 Nov 2013, 1:09 pm

Codyrules37 wrote:
Maybe your unattractive. Maybe your too nerdy. Maybe the guys you like want to date hot supermodels with no personality at all...



sorry...


Not really helping me at all right now, but thanks.

I have been told that I am a great date and a great girlfriend by all the guys I have gone out with or had relationships with. Just can't get anybody to give me a chance or stick around.



Toy_Soldier
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08 Nov 2013, 1:49 pm

Dating and such is an important thing, but its not the only thing in life. Perhaps it is a time for you to consider your own goals (or decide on some) along the lines of a profession and perhaps schooling? It may also bring you into contact with new people.



Finchel_Gleek
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08 Nov 2013, 2:02 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:
Dating and such is an important thing, but its not the only thing in life. Perhaps it is a time for you to consider your own goals (or decide on some) along the lines of a profession and perhaps schooling? It may also bring you into contact with new people.


I've already done that. I went back to college a few years ago to try to finish up my Psychology degree, but that's been put on hold indefinitely. I can't pass the Algebra class I need, as well as the Geometry, Trig, Pre Calc, and Calc classes I need but will never use. I have a learning disorder which makes math extremely difficult for me because I just don't understand it. I have taken the same Algebra class 3 times and failed it every time because I just don't understand it, and I even had all kinds of extra help outside of class with it. I got perfect grades in everything else. I took a vocational class to become a Nursing Assistant, and I've had a job doing that for over a year and I love it.



Ferrus91
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08 Nov 2013, 2:05 pm

Finchel_Gleek wrote:
I have taken the same Algebra class 3 times

Ah - so that's why you started to get interested in Aspie guys. :wink:



Finchel_Gleek
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08 Nov 2013, 10:40 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
I have taken the same Algebra class 3 times

Ah - so that's why you started to get interested in Aspie guys. :wink:


LOL No, it was just that this one caught my eye (and my heart). After I found out more about him, I decided I wanted to get to know him better because he seemed like someone who would understand me that I could really be myself with because we have had similar experiences. I was also attracted to him before I even knew he had Asperger's.



Last edited by Finchel_Gleek on 09 Nov 2013, 1:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

Finchel_Gleek
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08 Nov 2013, 10:58 pm

Image

This is me. The camera on my phone sucks, and it's hard to see my eyes here, but they're blue. Also, my body type is average. I'm not really skinny, but I'm not really fat, either. If you're a guy, would you find me attractive if you saw me in real life? Be honest. I can take it.



MyFutureSelfnMe
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18 Nov 2013, 12:31 pm

Finchel_Gleek wrote:
Image

This is me. The camera on my phone sucks, and it's hard to see my eyes here, but they're blue. Also, my body type is average. I'm not really skinny, but I'm not really fat, either. If you're a guy, would you find me attractive if you saw me in real life? Be honest. I can take it.


To be totally honest, I think you would be remarkable if you lost some weight and got into the "skinny" range. You are alright.

Hope that didn't hurt.



Tequila
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18 Nov 2013, 12:46 pm

I like fat women.

What I'm more concerned about is why you're punching yourself.



smudge
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18 Nov 2013, 1:00 pm

I don't think you are in the right state of mind to be asking others to rate yourself. I think you need a hug.



Finchel_Gleek
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18 Nov 2013, 1:35 pm

MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
Image

This is me. The camera on my phone sucks, and it's hard to see my eyes here, but they're blue. Also, my body type is average. I'm not really skinny, but I'm not really fat, either. If you're a guy, would you find me attractive if you saw me in real life? Be honest. I can take it.


To be totally honest, I think you would be remarkable if you lost some weight and got into the "skinny" range. You are alright.

Hope that didn't hurt.


Thanks. I don't really eat that much, but I tend to be an emotional/stress eater. I have never really been "skinny". I have struggled with my weight a lot. Even when I was smaller, I never had much attention paid to me. It seems like I always have to fight for it.



Finchel_Gleek
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18 Nov 2013, 1:38 pm

MyFutureSelfnMe wrote:
Finchel_Gleek wrote:
Image

This is me. The camera on my phone sucks, and it's hard to see my eyes here, but they're blue. Also, my body type is average. I'm not really skinny, but I'm not really fat, either. If you're a guy, would you find me attractive if you saw me in real life? Be honest. I can take it.


To be totally honest, I think you would be remarkable if you lost some weight and got into the "skinny" range. You are alright.

Hope that didn't hurt.


Thanks. I don't really eat that much, but I tend to be an emotional/stress eater. I have never really been "skinny". I have struggled with my weight a lot. Even when I was smaller, I never had much attention paid to me. It seems like I always have to fight for it.



MadeUnderground
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18 Nov 2013, 1:44 pm

Finchel_Gleek wrote:

I've already done that. I went back to college a few years ago to try to finish up my Psychology degree, but that's been put on hold indefinitely. I can't pass the Algebra class I need, as well as the Geometry, Trig, Pre Calc, and Calc classes I need but will never use. I have a learning disorder which makes math extremely difficult for me because I just don't understand it. I have taken the same Algebra class 3 times and failed it every time because I just don't understand it, and I even had all kinds of extra help outside of class with it. I got perfect grades in everything else. I took a vocational class to become a Nursing Assistant, and I've had a job doing that for over a year and I love it.



Wow, you're the first person I've met on here that has had the exact same issue as me. I had to take Algebra 3 times and the best grade I got the last time was a C- I think. I was diagnosed with a math disorder.

It just takes me a whoooooole lot longer to understand the concepts compared to everyone else. I did fine with all the basic math up until Algebra 1, then the remaining math after that has been nothing but a disaster and deep embarrassment for me.



Sorry that was a bit off topic with the thread but I got excited. :(

Anyway, OP, on topic, maybe you should just focus on getting out and socializing in different groups and clubs of your interest without specifically LOOKING for someone to date. Just get out there and have fun, and make friends, and the more you get out and live life, and smile, and be carefree, and let the wind blow through your hair as you laugh uncontrollably at the heavens - Someone will come along.

Finchel_Gleek, I have some off topic questions related to the math thing for you. Would you mind if I PM'd you (or you PM me?) whichever..