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dorkseid
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04 Jul 2021, 12:27 pm

Typically, no woman wants to date a man with ASD, unless he significantly overcompensates for that shortcoming in other areas. An autistic man has being exceptionally taller and/or better looking or make significantly more money than a neurotypical man has to in order to attract the attention of the same women. My friend recently brought up Elon Musk as an example of autistic man who could still attract mates. Well no sh!t Sherlock! He's a f**king billionaire!

Anyone can find exceptions to any rule if they look hard enough, so sure there are married autistic men out there. But we need to look t other confounding factors. Are they above average in physical attractiveness or financial success? Did they marry women who themselves are undesirable and had no other prospects? Maybe someone is from a small town town which has both a tightly knit community that actively participates in playing matchmakers, as well as a population of women without much access to a wider pool of single men. If someone is involved with a tightly knit church community, that could produce a similar effect. And especially if he is involved in a more insular religious community like to Jehovah's Witnesses or LDS, not only does the community actively participate in finding him a partner, but women in those communities are typically limited to only the men in their own religion as marital options.

Needless to say, none of the above are applicable to me.



badRobot
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04 Jul 2021, 1:24 pm

You will not believe it, but Elon Musk is with his current partner, Grimes, because he is kind of a weirdo and has a lot in common with her. Their relationship probably would be much easier if he wasn't billionaire. If they would break up that would be the main reason.



hurtloam
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04 Jul 2021, 2:14 pm

dorkseid wrote:
especially if he is involved in a more insular religious community like to Jehovah's Witnesses or LDS, not only does the community actively participate in finding him a partner, but women in those communities are typically limited to only the men in their own religion as marital options.


Ha ha ha ha ha. No.

The 3 women in their 50s I mentioned in the other thread who have never had a boyfriend are JWs.

I don't know any Mormons socially, so can't comment on them.

There are more single JW women than there are single JW men. But, they view dating and marriage as a serious commitment, so an intelligent women who can look after herself does not want a man who isn't as competent as her. So the single available male JWs are not snapped up. Even when a woman has little choice they don't want a gamer who still lives with his parents when she has been living in an apartment with a friend managing her own bills and household tasks quite well. Why would you attach yourself to some chump who can't look after himself.

It's not like other Christian communities who think women are best in the home. Though it may be different in the Bible belt in America due to cultural reasons, but officially it's not expected. If anything there's more pressure to be happily single. Don't moan about not finding anyone, you are a strong woman who is doing great on your own. You've got great friends. You can go out and have fun with your friends. What do you want a man to drag you down for? Edit: that's not official, you won't find that on the website, but it's what JW women in the UK have said to me.

On their construction sites they prefer to have women drive the heavy goods vehicles because they have proven to be better at it and more responsible that reckless lads who want to have fun zooming round.

The community doesn't matchmake. If you look on their website you'll find articles telling meddling older folks off for trying to matchmake. There was a story I read about a single person visiting a congregation and an old lady immediately dragged them over to another single person to pair them up. They felt so awkward. The context, was don't do that! You just embarrass people. Just because 2 people are single doesn't mean they will click.



dorkseid
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04 Jul 2021, 3:25 pm

badRobot wrote:
You will not believe it, but Elon Musk is with his current partner, Grimes, because he is kind of a weirdo and has a lot in common with her. Their relationship probably would be much easier if he wasn't billionaire. If they would break up that would be the main reason.


I've known a number of women who think that I'm a weirdo and feel they have things in common with, but they still all insisted they are only interested in me as a friend. Years ago, a woman I met started inviting me to come hang out with her and go eating or shopping and other activities on a nearly daily basis, and regularly invited me to come hang out with at her parents' house on holidays and events. But in the end she insisted she only wanted to be friends. This last year, I met a lady at work who constantly made it a point to regularly compliment me for how fun and amazing I am and how much we have in common. But when I thought she liked me she clarified that she only likes me as a friend. So this whole "he's a fun weirdo she has a lot in common with" bunk has absolutely nothing to do with what attracts women sexually or romantically. Elon Musk's wife would never have been interested in him as anything more than a friend if he wasn't rich. But of course she will never openly admit that.



hurtloam
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04 Jul 2021, 3:56 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Years ago, a woman I met started inviting me to come hang out with her and go eating or shopping and other activities on a nearly daily basis, and regularly invited me to come hang out with at her parents' house on holidays and events. But in the end she insisted she only wanted to be friends.


I had a similar experience a few years ago and another time, but not so frequently hanging out. I felt like a place filler till they met someone he really wanted. Very chaste, but more than other friendships have been.

It's something. Some people don't even experience a close friendship like that.



badRobot
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04 Jul 2021, 4:03 pm

dorkseid wrote:
badRobot wrote:
You will not believe it, but Elon Musk is with his current partner, Grimes, because he is kind of a weirdo and has a lot in common with her. Their relationship probably would be much easier if he wasn't billionaire. If they would break up that would be the main reason.


I've known a number of women who think that I'm a weirdo and feel they have things in common with, but they still all insisted they are only interested in me as a friend. Years ago, a woman I met started inviting me to come hang out with her and go eating or shopping and other activities on a nearly daily basis, and regularly invited me to come hang out with at her parents' house on holidays and events. But in the end she insisted she only wanted to be friends. This last year, I met a lady at work who constantly made it a point to regularly compliment me for how fun and amazing I am and how much we have in common. But when I thought she liked me she clarified that she only likes me as a friend. So this whole "he's a fun weirdo she has a lot in common with" bunk has absolutely nothing to do with what attracts women sexually or romantically. Elon Musk's wife would never have been interested in him as anything more than a friend if he wasn't rich. But of course she will never openly admit that.


Like I said you will never believe it, it contradicts your preexisting beliefs. I followed career and life of Claire Boucher from very early stages, because she was part of local scene I was interested in. Yes, he is a billionaire, but he's also extremely smart, creative, unorthodox thinker, interesting person in general and last but not least, he's in great physical shape. From everything I know about her, his billionaire status works against their relationship. She despises lifestyle of rich as*holes, recently he sold his mansions and now they live in a tiny house in Texas, look it up.



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04 Jul 2021, 6:06 pm

I've had heterosexual women come on to me thinking I was a dude.

Yes, it can happen. And you can't argue that I'm some kind of "alpha" as I don't even have a penis.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2021, 11:40 pm

hurtloam wrote:
dorkseid wrote:
especially if he is involved in a more insular religious community like to Jehovah's Witnesses or LDS, not only does the community actively participate in finding him a partner, but women in those communities are typically limited to only the men in their own religion as marital options.


Ha ha ha ha ha. No.

The 3 women in their 50s I mentioned in the other thread who have never had a boyfriend are JWs.

I don't know any Mormons socially, so can't comment on them.

There are more single JW women than there are single JW men. But, they view dating and marriage as a serious commitment, so an intelligent women who can look after herself does not want a man who isn't as competent as her. So the single available male JWs are not snapped up. Even when a woman has little choice they don't want a gamer who still lives with his parents when she has been living in an apartment with a friend managing her own bills and household tasks quite well. Why would you attach yourself to some chump who can't look after himself.

It's not like other Christian communities who think women are best in the home. Though it may be different in the Bible belt in America due to cultural reasons, but officially it's not expected. If anything there's more pressure to be happily single. Don't moan about not finding anyone, you are a strong woman who is doing great on your own. You've got great friends. You can go out and have fun with your friends. What do you want a man to drag you down for? Edit: that's not official, you won't find that on the website, but it's what JW women in the UK have said to me.

On their construction sites they prefer to have women drive the heavy goods vehicles because they have proven to be better at it and more responsible that reckless lads who want to have fun zooming round.

The community doesn't matchmake. If you look on their website you'll find articles telling meddling older folks off for trying to matchmake. There was a story I read about a single person visiting a congregation and an old lady immediately dragged them over to another single person to pair them up. They felt so awkward. The context, was don't do that! You just embarrass people. Just because 2 people are single doesn't mean they will click.



In any given community, this what usually happens:
- Loser women (ie.gamers staying in parent home like how you described) are often accepted by successful men.
- But loser men, are often neither accepted by successful women nor by loser women.

Therefore the worse the economy/unemployment is, the more you end up with single loser men and single independent women who hate the former.

It’s a deadlock.

The solution for it is to allow... polygyny, like the Bible prophets :lol:, at least it is a quick solution for the stuck women.


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dorkseid
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05 Jul 2021, 12:04 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
I've had heterosexual women come on to me thinking I was a dude.

Yes, it can happen. And you can't argue that I'm some kind of "alpha" as I don't even have a penis.


And yet women still consistently reject me. That should tell you something.



hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 3:06 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:


In any given community, this what usually happens:
- Loser women (ie.gamers staying in parent home like how you described) are often accepted by successful men.
- But loser men, are often neither accepted by successful women nor by loser women.

Therefore the worse the economy/unemployment is, the more you end up with single loser men and single independent women who hate the former.

It’s a deadlock.

The solution for it is to allow... polygyny, like the Bible prophets :lol:, at least it is a quick solution for the stuck women.


Oh funny man here.

But seriously I don't think they would like that at all bearing in mind how much they hate serial flirts. Serial husband's would be worse.



hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 3:14 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
I've had heterosexual women come on to me thinking I was a dude.

Yes, it can happen. And you can't argue that I'm some kind of "alpha" as I don't even have a penis.


You come across as very confident online and the way you describe your offline interactions it seems that you are not someone who shies away from speaking your mind.

Confidence is very attractive.

An older married friend whose husband is very blokey and tall and stereotypical asked me why all the young women we know seemed to like this one small, weedy, arty guy they were hanging round with.

It was his confidence. He actually talked to the women and treated them like people. He didn't flirt, he would just talk about interesting stuff and organised things to do as a group like going to concerts or the cinema. He was quiet, but sociable. He took an interest. That goes a long way. He got to pick who he liked (I mean his attitude brought him options) and is married now to a very pretty woman.



DW_a_mom
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05 Jul 2021, 5:35 am

Three years ago my son worked with a woman he insisted he would never date, and she insisted she would never date him. But they ended up becoming friends because their minds work remarkably alike, and started talking almost daily. Again, both insisting they would never, ever date each other.

Apparently, among other things, she was attracted to women, not men.

And yet, somehow, these two have now been in a relationship for two years. Not because they “settled” for each other, but because slowly, over the space of a year, the friendship brought new and unexpected feelings to the surface.

Life is odd and unpredictable. The future won’t always look like the past, and what a person is certain of today may look very different tomorrow.


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hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 7:31 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
Three years ago my son worked with a woman he insisted he would never date, and she insisted she would never date him. But they ended up becoming friends because their minds work remarkably alike, and started talking almost daily. Again, both insisting they would never, ever date each other.

Apparently, among other things, she was attracted to women, not men.

And yet, somehow, these two have now been in a relationship for two years. Not because they “settled” for each other, but because slowly, over the space of a year, the friendship brought new and unexpected feelings to the surface.

Life is odd and unpredictable. The future won’t always look like the past, and what a person is certain of today may look very different tomorrow.


I've seen this happen with a couple of my friends.

You never really know what is around the corner. That's why being friendly is a good thing. Just spending time with people for the sake of enjoying time with them is a great thing to do rather than always evaluating people as potential partners.

I think single people can get a bit too stressed about looking for someone and forget to enjoy the now. I know I've made that mistake.



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05 Jul 2021, 9:24 am

hurtloam wrote:
Confidence is very attractive.


I am so tired of people pushing confidence as if it's something I can just buy a bucketload of from Wal-Mart. Confidence does not just magically manifest out of nowhere! It is something that gets developed over time as a result of experiencing success. Someone who has experienced nothing but failure and humiliation their entire life cannot just choose to magically have confidence out of nowhere. Telling someone "you just need to have confidence" is like telling poor people "you just need to have money" or telling homeless people "you just need to buy a house." Gee, you think?!

hurtloam wrote:
He actually talked to the women and treated them like people. He didn't flirt, he would just talk about interesting stuff and organised things to do as a group like going to concerts or the cinema. He was quiet, but sociable. He took an interest.


This is how I've always interacted with women I've found interesting. And women often like me and enjoy my company. But in the end, they always insist they like me only as a friend. So clearly women are attracted to this man for other reasons.



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05 Jul 2021, 11:06 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:


In any given community, this what usually happens:
- Loser women (ie.gamers staying in parent home like how you described) are often accepted by successful men.
- But loser men, are often neither accepted by successful women nor by loser women.

Therefore the worse the economy/unemployment is, the more you end up with single loser men and single independent women who hate the former.

It’s a deadlock.

The solution for it is to allow... polygyny, like the Bible prophets :lol:, at least it is a quick solution for the stuck women.


Oh funny man here.

But seriously I don't think they would like that at all bearing in mind how much they hate serial flirts. Serial husband's would be worse.



It’s simple: Same successful bf, one week for you, one week for the other gf.

It’s awesome, experiencing single and taken life in revolving manner. :lol:


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hurtloam
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05 Jul 2021, 3:51 pm

dorkseid wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Confidence is very attractive.


I am so tired of people pushing confidence as if it's something I can just buy a bucketload of from Wal-Mart. Confidence does not just magically manifest out of nowhere! It is something that gets developed over time as a result of experiencing success. Someone who has experienced nothing but failure and humiliation their entire life cannot just choose to magically have confidence out of nowhere. Telling someone "you just need to have confidence" is like telling poor people "you just need to have money" or telling homeless people "you just need to buy a house." Gee, you think?!

hurtloam wrote:
He actually talked to the women and treated them like people. He didn't flirt, he would just talk about interesting stuff and organised things to do as a group like going to concerts or the cinema. He was quiet, but sociable. He took an interest.


This is how I've always interacted with women I've found interesting. And women often like me and enjoy my company. But in the end, they always insist they like me only as a friend. So clearly women are attracted to this man for other reasons.


Well, I must say, at least you have that. I find it really difficult to maintain friendship at all really. With male friends they stop being my friend when they find a girlfriend. Women I just find really difficult to connect with in general.

I know, it's frustrating to always be the friend and nothing more, but I read somewhere that men sometimes have no emotional support because they tend to discuss things of interest rather than feelings and a lot of single men hope to find a girlfriend for emotional support. At least men who can make friends with women get some emotional connection/conversation if they're not getting it from their bros.

I'm looking for a silver lining in this cloud for you.

You can't change many things in life, but you can change tiny small things like your perspective on certain things. It's difficult, but can be done in tiny steps.

I have an acquaintance that frustrates me a bit. He's really good at things. Skilled in crafts and music, but has no confidence about it. His saying, ok I'll show you this thing I made, but it's not very good, is annoying because the thing he shows me is really, really good. That lack of confidence is a huge turn off to me. I don't like a braggard, but there's no need to be so ridiculously unassuming. He's very nice. I like him, but I feel like I have to always bouy him up and I can't carry another person all the time.

Now, honestly, do you throw a lot on to others emotionally? Do they feel they need to carry you? Don't be annoyed at me making assumptions. I don't know you. It's hard to help people on the internet who you don't know. Al I can do is guess.

We do need to support our friends, bit not to the point it overwhelms us.

My problem is totally the other way. I just don't rely on people. My parents brought me up to be very independent and they're a bit flakey, so I just don't expect anything from anyone. So I don't ask. People can't connect to that. I know that's a huge issue for me. I'm nice, I'm ok looking, but there's no connection. I don't know how else to be.

Are you able to pinpoint your actual issues like that?