How can I move on from this?

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Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 12:31 am

2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think



idntonkw
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27 Jun 2021, 3:23 am

Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Women mate with many different men briefly. She thought you were normal, she did not know you were an autist. When she danced with you she didn't know you were an autist and you were just one of many guys she danced with, made out, flirted with, seemed interested in. She probably misinterpreted you as not interested, but even if she knew, she would want an NT and not an AS bf/husband. Think of it as a bee flying from one flower to another. That's how women are with guys they like.



Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 4:00 am

idntonkw wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Women mate with many different men briefly. She thought you were normal, she did not know you were an autist. When she danced with you she didn't know you were an autist and you were just one of many guys she danced with, made out, flirted with, seemed interested in. She probably misinterpreted you as not interested, but even if she knew, she would want an NT and not an AS bf/husband. Think of it as a bee flying from one flower to another. That's how women are with guys they like.



she knew I was autistic when she danced with me



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2021, 4:47 am

Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Your story has a gaping hole, Namely what happened after the dance? why did you not see her again for another 12 months?



Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 4:59 am

cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Your story has a gaping hole, Namely what happened after the dance? why did you not see her again for another 12 months?




I have not seen her for a while mostly because of covid. Also I have been getting drunk on some nights so I dont always remember interacting with her.



cyberdad
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27 Jun 2021, 5:09 am

Jamesy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Your story has a gaping hole, Namely what happened after the dance? why did you not see her again for another 12 months?




I have not seen her for a while mostly because of covid. Also I have been getting drunk on some nights so I dont always remember interacting with her.


Didn't swap email addresses or phone numbers?



Jamesy
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27 Jun 2021, 5:18 am

cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Your story has a gaping hole, Namely what happened after the dance? why did you not see her again for another 12 months?




I have not seen her for a while mostly because of covid. Also I have been getting drunk on some nights so I dont always remember interacting with her.


Didn't swap email addresses or phone numbers?



no



nick007
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28 Jun 2021, 12:56 pm

cyberdad asked some good questions. I think the best way for you to move forward James is to think of it as a learning experience. Instead of letting it get you down, you try to focus on the positives. You got to dance with a girl you like who also seemed to like you. A lot of the guys here woulda loved to be in that situation. You may of screwed up by not making more of an effort to stay in touch & to try & see her again but next time you have a similar opportunity with a woman, you will try to get a date with her.


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28 Jun 2021, 1:42 pm

Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me. Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday. She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much. How can I cannot let this put me down to much. She already has a long term boyfriend I think. How can I move on from this?
Accept the facts that: (1) she gave you the opportunity to get to know her better, and (2) you blew it.  Then move on with your life, knowing what to do the next time a woman dances with you.


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Jamesy
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28 Jun 2021, 2:17 pm

cyberdad asked some good questions. I think the best way for you to move forward James is to think of it as a learning experience. Instead of letting it get you down, you try to focus on the positives. You got to dance with a girl you like who also seemed to like you. A lot of the guys here woulda loved to be in that situation. You may of screwed up by not making more of an effort to stay in touch & to try & see her again but next time you have a similar opportunity with a woman, you will try to get a date with her.



She should have danced with me again when I saw her the other night though



nick007
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28 Jun 2021, 2:25 pm

Jamesy wrote:
She should have danced with me again when I saw her the other night though
You said in your 1st post that you think she has a long-term boyfriend so maybe she didn't want to dance with anybody but her bf. & if she was dancing with others she may of got the wrong impression that you were not interested in her & she didn't want to make you uncomfortable or she wanted to dance with people she was closer with nowadays.


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Jamesy
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28 Jun 2021, 2:36 pm

nick007 wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
She should have danced with me again when I saw her the other night though
You said in your 1st post that you think she has a long-term boyfriend so maybe she didn't want to dance with anybody but her bf. & if she was dancing with others she may of got the wrong impression that you were not interested in her & she didn't want to make you uncomfortable or she wanted to dance with people she was closer with nowadays.




She was with her boyfriend when she danced with me in March 2019



DW_a_mom
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28 Jun 2021, 6:22 pm

I'm going to approach this with much more potential hope than the others. I say potential because I have no way of knowing if it really is there given that only time will tell.

When I first met my husband he wasn't in the head space to date anyone. I did not know that. I only knew we really hit it off. When nothing came of it, I wrote it off and moved on. I ran into him sometimes after that but it was always awkward and I started to doubt that I had ever felt a spark. Oh, and I dated someone else in the middle of all that.

And then one day a few years later he asked me out.

So I had always stayed in the back of his mind, and despite my decision to write it off, he'd stayed deeply in the back of mine.

Sometimes the timing just isn't right and, unfortunately, I can't promise that it ever will be. I guess what I don't want you to do is lose your instinct that there was a connection. There probably was, but until and if the time is right to further that, there isn't anything either of you can do about it, and that means there will always be a sense of distance.

That she has a boyfriend is another complication that could mean any of a number of things, but your assumption needs to be simply that she formed that connection first and will hold onto it because that is what people should do with healthy relationships. It will mess with your head if you spend too much time analyzing whether or not that is a good relationship for her, so don't.

The good thing is that you know you can form connections. As you get back out in the world, stay open to the possibilities of forming new ones.

Putting all my dead-end connections into sweet and somewhat sad memory boxes helped me move on from them. Recognizing that not every potential is meant to be. And making a new, not-so-dead-end connection will be the surest way to move on.


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Jamesy
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29 Jun 2021, 5:08 pm

I suppose when your young when you take a fancy to someone it is quite short lived



idntonkw
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01 Jul 2021, 12:35 am

Jamesy wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Women mate with many different men briefly. She thought you were normal, she did not know you were an autist. When she danced with you she didn't know you were an autist and you were just one of many guys she danced with, made out, flirted with, seemed interested in. She probably misinterpreted you as not interested, but even if she knew, she would want an NT and not an AS bf/husband. Think of it as a bee flying from one flower to another. That's how women are with guys they like.



she knew I was autistic when she danced with me


She may know it, but not like it when she actually experiences it first hand, or, she may have wanted to dance with you just for the enjoyment and socialization of the dance, limited to that interaction only. When dancing, sometimes people will approach a person just for the experience of dancing with them, and once they satisfied their appetite, they move on, or it could have been a charity dance - some girls enjoy providing an autist with the social experience of dancing with a girl because they enjoy nurturing others and want to nurture a guy that way.



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01 Jul 2021, 3:11 am

cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
2 years ago I had a dance with this girl who I liked and I could tell she liked me.

Saw her last night for the first time in at least a year since it was her birthday.

She was friendly but she did not seem as into me as before and she did not really talk to me that much.
How can I cannot let this put me down to much :(


She already has a long term boyfriend I think


Your story has a gaping hole, Namely what happened after the dance? why did you not see her again for another 12 months?




I have not seen her for a while mostly because of covid. Also I have been getting drunk on some nights so I dont always remember interacting with her.


Didn't swap email addresses or phone numbers?


It's only been 12 months and you're already talking about exchanging telephone numbers? Call me old fashioned but I still believe in taking things slow.


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