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hurtloam
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08 Oct 2017, 5:18 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No one "doesn't know how to respond".

This is a plain stupid excuse.


I'm guessing it's fear. Fear if making a mistake. Fear of commitment. Fear of looking stupid.



ShyGirl7
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08 Oct 2017, 3:21 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ That's a sexual harrassement.


Yeah it’s pretty creepy. It more like sexual assault. It’s not normal. It’s enough for someone to get a restraining order against you.


Awww. :P

What about spontaneity and romance?


It works in romance movies, but imagine how you would feel if someone you really were not attracted to did that to you. I certainly would not enjoy that.. I can only speak for myself though.


But he is attracted to her, though.

I never advocated kissing a stranger, I'm speaking specifically within the context of Hurtloam and her friend. :D



kraftiekortie
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08 Oct 2017, 3:24 pm

I wouldn't mind it if a woman kissed me spontaneously ❤️



hale_bopp
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08 Oct 2017, 5:47 pm

ShyGirl7 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ That's a sexual harrassement.


Yeah it’s pretty creepy. It more like sexual assault. It’s not normal. It’s enough for someone to get a restraining order against you.


Awww. :P

What about spontaneity and romance?


It works in romance movies, but imagine how you would feel if someone you really were not attracted to did that to you. I certainly would not enjoy that.. I can only speak for myself though.


But he is attracted to her, though.

I never advocated kissing a stranger, I'm speaking specifically within the context of Hurtloam and her friend. :D


If he’s ignoring her it doesn’t sound like he is attracted to her.



nick007
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31 Oct 2017, 5:42 pm

She got upset when I mentioned to her that I was looking for a relationship a while after she told me she was wanting friendship. I had assumed that when she said friendship that she was rejecting me & only wanting me as a fried when instead she meant she wanted us to be friends 1st & leaving the possibility of a relationship open. She only said friendship thou so how was I supposed to know. This is a perfect example of the communication problems I've had with NT women & why I do better with Aspie women.


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hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2017, 2:47 am

hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No one "doesn't know how to respond".

This is a plain stupid excuse.


I'm guessing it's fear. Fear if making a mistake. Fear of commitment. Fear of looking stupid.


Most of the time, it’s fear of backlash.



hurtloam
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04 Nov 2017, 2:54 am

hale_bopp wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No one "doesn't know how to respond".

This is a plain stupid excuse.


I'm guessing it's fear. Fear if making a mistake. Fear of commitment. Fear of looking stupid.


Most of the time, it’s fear of backlash.


What do you mean by backlash, that the person you open up to will respond in a mean way?



hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2017, 5:28 am

hurtloam wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No one "doesn't know how to respond".

This is a plain stupid excuse.


I'm guessing it's fear. Fear if making a mistake. Fear of commitment. Fear of looking stupid.


Most of the time, it’s fear of backlash.


What do you mean by backlash, that the person you open up to will respond in a mean way?


Often people would rather ghost someone than tell them why they aren’t interested in them, out of fear of them getting angry or annoyed.



Sometime World
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04 Nov 2017, 8:23 am

Some asinine reasons I've been rejected:

- looking younger than my actual age
- not having a beard / facial hair
- not being 6 foot tall, (apparently 5'9 > 5'10 was "too short")
- not having the right hairstyle
- liking Radiohead and old-fashioned prog-rock and not pop or club music like Ministry of Sound
- not having a car
- being too thin (134lbs age 21) by a woman that was all of 105lbs herself
- not having friends (apparently that made me either anti-social, closeted gay or a serial killer)
- not wanting to get involved in physical fights with other men
- not being a loud, extrovert, lager-drinking, club-going, Rugby-playing lads lad
- working a basic job in a supermarket and not white collar professional

and the most laughable *drum roll*....wearing a orange t-shirt onetime 8O


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MarissaKay
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04 Nov 2017, 8:50 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Often people would rather ghost someone than tell them why they aren’t interested in them, out of fear of them getting angry or annoyed.


When I first set up my online dating profile a couple of weeks ago, I tried to gently let guys down easy if they messaged me and I didn't like them back. I felt like the world's biggest jerk, though, and ended up accidentally hurting their feelings on more than one occasion.

As much as I hate to admit it, I've resorted to ghosting and have put up a list of reasons on my profile why I may not be reply when someone initially messages me. (example: "You're very religious and I'm not, so I don't think we would be a very good match because of those fundamental differences").

Rejection in general just sucks. There's really no "good" way of telling someone that you're not interested in them.



hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2017, 8:59 am

Exactly. After getting tirades of abuse for not being interested, it’s easier to just ignore people. I’m still getting rape threats from someone I rejected 8 years ago. Though it’s difficult if you have to work with people who cross the line of what is appropriate in a workplace.



Sometime World
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04 Nov 2017, 9:19 am

If a man is repeatedly ghosted it means he's ugly.

Ghosting means a female has shown zero enthusiasm to get to know you at all. All your other traits mean nothing, even if you know she's got shared interests. And for men that aren't too fat, too skinny, or not poor, it's hard to understand why women don't like your looks. If this repeatedly happens for years then I understand why some men become unstable. Look at the video I posted earlier and his reaction to ghosting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy5EJVAP6Cs

Me if ghosted? I just move on rather than result to tic-tack insults or tantrums. I don't focus on one woman or "oneitis" like I used to in my teens / early-mid 20's. Just remember that she sits on a toilet bowl like the rest of us, she's not special and plenty of other women are nicer and prettier. That's how I deal with it.

Rape threats? :( That's taking it too far.


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hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2017, 9:41 am

Maybe he comes across as uninteresting. The world is not divided into ugly and non ugly looking people. Most of the time he’s probably average looking and seems boring so she pushes next.

Like I said, a faceless aspie man who I have a love/hate friendship with can make people obsessed with him without having a photo up.

Dating sites as a woman are usually just pushing next next next until someone stands out. We get so many messages that getting to know each person would take all day. I once swiped through 200 guys on tinder before swiping right. They weren’t “ugly”, they just seemed boring to me. I’m not interested in sports, holding up fish, drinking beer, rap music, taking photos giving the middle finger and surfing.

Online dating is skewed. Women receive 100 times the interest as they do in real life. It’s like flicking through a novel you’re told you have 60 seconds to read. I seriously would NOT recommend it for any average guy.



Sabreclaw
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04 Nov 2017, 9:49 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Maybe he comes across as uninteresting. The world is not divided into ugly and non ugly looking people. Most of the time he’s probably average looking and seems boring so she pushes next.

Like I said, a faceless aspie man who I have a love/hate friendship with can make people obsessed with him without having a photo up.

Dating sites as a woman are usually just pushing next next next until someone stands out. We get so many messages that getting to know each person would take all day. I once swiped through 200 guys on tinder before swiping right. They weren’t “ugly”, they just seemed boring to me. I’m not interested in sports, holding up fish, drinking beer and surfing.

Online dating is skewed. Women receive 100 times the interest as they do in real life. It’s like flicking through a novel you’re told you have 60 seconds to read. I seriously would NOT recommend it for any average guy.


Boo is going to have a field day with this.



hale_bopp
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04 Nov 2017, 9:53 am

Do you not have your own opinion? Disagree with it? Let’s hear it.

Boo is an antagonist, he’d have a field day with most of the posts here.



MarissaKay
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04 Nov 2017, 9:55 am

Sometime World wrote:
If a man is repeatedly ghosted it means he's ugly.

Ghosting means a female has shown zero enthusiasm to get to know you at all. All your other traits mean nothing, even if you know she's got shared interests. And for men that aren't too fat, too skinny, or not poor, it's hard to understand why women don't like your looks. If this repeatedly happens for years then I understand why some men become unstable. Look at the video I posted earlier and his reaction to ghosting:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy5EJVAP6Cs

Me if ghosted? I just move on rather than result to tic-tack insults or tantrums. I don't focus on one woman or "oneitis" like I used to in my teens / early-mid 20's. Just remember that she sits on a toilet bowl like the rest of us, she's not special and plenty of other women are nicer and prettier. That's how I deal with it.


Well, no, it doesn't mean that. Not everyone is going to be 100% accepted by someone they're interested in 100% of the time, no matter how "conventionally attractive" they seem.

It's so much more than just looks and interests. I stick to dating sites where you can answer questions and get match percentages. If someone messages me, I look at their profiles, what questions they've answered, and other indicators to see if we'd really be a good fit before deciding whether or not to reply. I've turned down guys who I considered to be absolutely gorgeous because our morals differed too much, we didn't have the same relationship goals, we didn't see eye-to-eye on important topics like religion/politics, or we had different communication needs.

I wouldn't call what happened to that guy "ghosting", but rather being rejected just based off of first impressions. I feel bad for him because he clearly didn't expect it, but insulting all of those girls was uncalled for.

That's a pretty negative way to look at women who aren't interested in you. Also, saying "she's not special and plenty of other women are nicer and prettier" is definitely reacting with a "tic-tack insult". It's much healthier to have a mindset of something like, "Rejection hurts, but it's okay because I just wasn't what this person was looking for." It's not easy to develop that mindset, since anger or wanting to hurt in return is a natural reaction to pain, but it feels so much better when you do get there.