Online dating is pointless as a guy

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BaneBear
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17 Aug 2016, 8:48 am

Online dating is absolutely pointless as a guy for a few reasons
Women are allllllllllllllllllll physical online. If you aren't taylor lautner on a dating app/site good luck to you friend. Girls literally only go after guys with; giant abs, six figure pay checks, and a face made from the skin cells of tom brady, taylor lautner, and jesus himself.
As a result lots of us guys(who don't message 10/10 models by the way, nor girls who are rich as hell) get no luck or replies when we message anyone. What is worse is I am a bit of a nerd, but I have a good job(just got promoted) and I don't look like Quasimodo. What is even more frustrating is all these guides that try to say your message has anything to do with whether a girl responds or not. I say again if you aren't channing tatum good luck buddy.
Nerdy girls are almost devoid on these sites too



nurseangela
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17 Aug 2016, 9:03 am

Who is Taylor Lautner?
Actually both sides are very shallow with online dating sites. Eharmony is about the only site that doesn't work like that - there's no pictures up front. It is quite expensive though.


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lordfakename
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17 Aug 2016, 12:31 pm

And there's nothing more attractive than complaining about women on dating sites.



Hopper
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17 Aug 2016, 12:43 pm

Maybe you can't help but come across as bitter and obnoxious? that would put people off.

I mean, clearly loads of non-hunky, non-wealthy men have success with online dating, and dating in general. The great majority of men are non-hunky and non-wealthy, and they are having dates and, indeed, long-term relationships. So being non-hunky and non-wealthy is not, in itself, offputting.

Must be something else. While I don't know who taylor lautner is, I'm fairly sure I'm not him. and I've had my successes online.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

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Sweetleaf
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17 Aug 2016, 1:02 pm

My boyfriend I met on okcupid isn't taylor lautner, whoever that is and he doesn't have giant abs, six figure pay checks or a face like that...I am sure his beard is more majestic than this taylor lautner, tom bradys and jesus's combined however.

Also in my impression what was said in a message had lots to do with if I responded or not. Either way the only options are to keep trying or give up on them and try other avenues to meet females.

And do you browse profiles of people living in or around your city/town...or do you only use the 'match' function where the site 'matches' you with people it regards as potentially interesting to you that it recommends you message? I imagine a lot of the 'nerdy' girls won't show up on that since it's essentially a picture rating app.


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BaneBear
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17 Aug 2016, 3:02 pm

I don't show off my bitterness to randoms if that's what you think, also I use OKCUPID too. Absolutely no replies, just lots of time wasting messages to people who don't even bother to look at your profile before ignoring you.
I am extremely bitter by the way, at this point I am convinced I will have to deal with this for my entire life, I was born to a generation of little girls.



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17 Aug 2016, 3:49 pm

Or maybe you're just a little boy?

I wouldn't be surprised if your bitterness and resentment comes through in your profile and messages. It's easy for things to get passive-aggressive without really noticing.

By the by, every time a heterosexual woman finds a partner, so does a heterosexual man. It's tautologous. Allow a little wiggle room for polyamoury and cheating, but if a straight woman finds a date/lover/partner, so does a straight man. If online dating is pointless for a guy, then it is also so for a girl.

I don't think it's inherently pointless, but it really depends on how you approach it and what/who you're looking for.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Aug 2016, 4:21 pm

Hopper wrote:
Or maybe you're just a little boy?

I wouldn't be surprised if your bitterness and resentment comes through in your profile and messages. It's easy for things to get passive-aggressive without really noticing.
.


No, that's not necessary always the case.

Quote:
By the by, every time a heterosexual woman finds a partner, so does a heterosexual man. It's tautologous. Allow a little wiggle room for polyamoury and cheating, but if a straight woman finds a date/lover/partner, so does a straight man. If online dating is pointless for a guy, then it is also so for a girl.

I don't think it's inherently pointless, but it really depends on how you approach it and what/who you're looking for


There are way less active girls on dating sites, meaning many hetero guys won't be able to find a girl out of those dating sites.

Um.... don't believe the site owners what they claim on sex ratios of their sites, they lie to teeth and throw fake profiles to balance it.



Sweetleaf
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17 Aug 2016, 4:35 pm

BaneBear wrote:
I don't show off my bitterness to randoms if that's what you think, also I use OKCUPID too. Absolutely no replies, just lots of time wasting messages to people who don't even bother to look at your profile before ignoring you.
I am extremely bitter by the way, at this point I am convinced I will have to deal with this for my entire life, I was born to a generation of little girls.



So do you only rely on the 'matches' system or do you search your area code/city browse profiles the system doesn't 'match' you with as well?

why does no one ever respond to this question :?


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Sweetleaf
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17 Aug 2016, 4:37 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Hopper wrote:
Or maybe you're just a little boy?

I wouldn't be surprised if your bitterness and resentment comes through in your profile and messages. It's easy for things to get passive-aggressive without really noticing.
.


No, that's not necessary always the case.




But it certainly can be.


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Hopper
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17 Aug 2016, 5:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Hopper wrote:
Or maybe you're just a little boy?

I wouldn't be surprised if your bitterness and resentment comes through in your profile and messages. It's easy for things to get passive-aggressive without really noticing.
.


No, that's not necessary always the case.


Could be, though. It's something to watch for.

Quote:
Quote:
By the by, every time a heterosexual woman finds a partner, so does a heterosexual man. It's tautologous. Allow a little wiggle room for polyamoury and cheating, but if a straight woman finds a date/lover/partner, so does a straight man. If online dating is pointless for a guy, then it is also so for a girl.

I don't think it's inherently pointless, but it really depends on how you approach it and what/who you're looking for


There are way less active girls on dating sites, meaning many hetero guys won't be able to find a girl out of those dating sites.

Um.... don't believe the site owners what they claim on sex ratios of their sites, they lie to teeth and throw fake profiles to balance it.


Oh, I meant in general - reading it back I see I didn't distinguish enough. I don't know about the dating sites balance (they'd have good reason to lie or make s**t up, after all), but in the world of singledom and relationships at large, it's pretty much 50/50 such that, if a man is going without a date or relationship, then so is a woman.

I can only speak for the UK experience, but I didn't find a dearth of women in the slightest. I found a good number who responded to me and who initiated contact. I struggled to find women who interested me, but I certainly didn't struggle to find women. If I go out to look for a relationship again, it'll be through dating sites.


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Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.

You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.


ThatsWhatSheSaid
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17 Aug 2016, 5:07 pm

You may find this human interest piece of... well, interest:

add this next bit to "wired.com":
/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/

Dude created dummy accounts, datamined his target demographic with a Python script, determined the optimal questions to answer to be matched with his target demographic (at some point he determined that which *questions* to answer was more relevant to matching than which *answers* given, iirc)... then analyzed their preferences to determine which aspects of himself to highlight in his profile... built a profile highlighting those (truthful only, though) assets and answered the questions he'd determined would result in optimal matching by the site.

Then he built two profiles (which definitely violates the EULA) and another script to visit high-match pages so that [premium only, iirc] would get notifications he'd been looking.

And then sat back and let the messages roll in.
Not joking.

And started going on 1+ dates per day. With the attitude of, if she's not, like, The One, no second date. On #80-something he met the woman he was marrying at the time of publishing...

I never actually followed up on that and now I'm kinda curious if it worked out for him in the long run.
I'll have to google that later.

I think you're right though. It's really hard for men on those sites.

EDIT: S/O to whoever wrote in the new user [link] recognition filter - that took me a few tries to get around :twisted:



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17 Aug 2016, 6:05 pm

BaneBear wrote:
Online dating is absolutely pointless as a guy

So stop using it.

I read an article in a magazine not long back that listed a few reasons why online dating is generally a negative experience, and they're right, it is almost overwhelmingly negative for both male and female (probably more so male as they have statistics against them also). However if it simply isn't for you then just stop using it, find other methods. Do you really think you're the first person to start a thread on a forum saying how bad internet dating is for guys? Look on the forums on Plenty of Fish and 99% of threads started by men are just that...it's a massive whiny pity party. Constant moaning doesn't change anything though.



UnturnedStone
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17 Aug 2016, 6:24 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
My boyfriend I met on okcupid isn't taylor lautner, whoever that is and he doesn't have giant abs, six figure pay checks or a face like that...I am sure his beard is more majestic than this taylor lautner, tom bradys and jesus's combined however.


I also met my partner through online dating and have a beard (a proper majestic beard)...

Maybe this is the success secret? Grow a beard!

I actually did read somewhere, that having a beard increases your chances of getting dates, because while less women like beards, even less guys have beards, so the ratio works in favor of those guys with beards.



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17 Aug 2016, 7:56 pm

Every 'success story' I've heard from online daters, especially almost ALL the one's here, is from people who already knew what they were looking for - they had an idea of what traits and types of people they were interested in and weren't, and decided to 'screen-out' and narrow it down to the few people they felt they would be compatible with (and, after a date or three, were successful in their prediction that they were only choosing to date people from the website they knew they'd have a chemistry with).

The problem for me is, I barely even know myself or what kind of person I'd like myself to be, let alone what I want in another.

My standards are quite low and extremely general, with very few, if any specifics. So for me, there is no process of 'screening out' a high number of profiles to find the one's I genuinely feel I'd be compatible with - I don't KNOW what I'd be compatible with. I know I must be attracted to her, physically and emotionally, and want the same back, and want her to be close enough so that the relationship isn't long-distance, and for her to be aged 18-25, but that's pretty much it.

In high school I had a crush on a wide variety of different types of girls and women.

I thought that, if I look at every past crush or girlfriend I've had, and compare them to find the similarities and differences, the similarities would logically be my 'taste' or 'type'.

There's been a few small patterns, but nothing particularly significant or notable.

Oh sure, I have 'preferences', but I've found some of the types I'm interested in are very rarely/never interested back, or even once getting to know them I find we're not compatible at all, no matter how much I wish we were. Makes me want to stop wasting my time when evidence is showing it wouldn't work with these types.



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18 Aug 2016, 3:07 am

Hopper wrote:
Oh, I meant in general - reading it back I see I didn't distinguish enough. I don't know about the dating sites balance (they'd have good reason to lie or make s**t up, after all), but in the world of singledom and relationships at large, it's pretty much 50/50 such that, if a man is going without a date or relationship, then so is a woman.

Yes, pretty much 50/50. Also there's pretty much a 50/50 ratio of all jobs and all workers, but still there's umeployment and some small part of population can't get any job near them. A job just like love is one the basic needs and everyone deserves it. Not just 'pretty much' everyone.