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kraftiekortie
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09 Oct 2021, 9:57 am

Saying this, this Incel crap should be dispensed with. It’s a bunch of hooey.



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09 Oct 2021, 10:00 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Saying this, this Incel crap should be dispensed with. It’s a bunch of hooey.


It stinks like a rotting landfill in the middle of summer.



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09 Oct 2021, 10:16 am

Axeman wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Usually, it’s the man who has to sleep on the couch :)

I never heard of a man forcing a woman to sleep on the couch after an argument.


Damn I thought this a dead thread.


Sadly this is a recurring topic here.


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09 Oct 2021, 10:17 am

Rexi wrote:
I've read some psychology about the couch thing. A man or a woman who's unwilling to sleep on the couch after he/she's made a mistake is likely unready and unwilling to accept rules, boundaries and limitations and the process of healing, mind, space and recovery of the one who has been harmed and wronged. The way the couch and each individual is regarded on each side of the viewing point can create or mend problems in relationships. It can be a meaningful process of giving and nurturing, enhancing value and recognizing fault as well as willfully accepting consequence and encouraging healing.
I disagree. The wife making the husband sleep on the couch is a test. That is, she's testing him to see how well he stands up for himself or how far he pushes back. I mean, he paid for the damn house and the bed, or at least 50% of it, so he very much deserves to sleep there no matter how his wife feels. If he readily gives in and actually sleeps on the couch that night, then in her mind, he's a pathetic weakling, and she loses respect for him. Which means she'll pick fights with him over more and more trivial things, just to destabilize him for a cheap thrill. Until she either flat-out injures him because feminism says she can, or files for divorce and leaves him penniless while living it up on his money.

Conversely, if he stands up for himself and tells her to shove her feeeeeelings up her butt, then she may be angry with him in the moment, but she'll respect him more in the long run. And a woman's unwavering respect for her significant other is a perfect recipe for a peaceful, hassle-free relationship.



Last edited by Aspie1 on 09 Oct 2021, 10:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

Rexi
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09 Oct 2021, 10:22 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Also understand the difference between an incel and a volcel.

A volcel is short for "voluntarily celibate." These are the people who are virgins by choice. Someone can be a volcel because they're not interested in sex or their religious beliefs discourages them from being in a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Priests are good examples of volcels.

An incel on the other hand is short "involuntarily celibate". These are the people who are virgins but do want to have a sexual relationship but for some reason, are unable to find one.

It's often the case for autistic people, one of the traits known is failure to pursue such a relationship. My fiance who's on the spectrum, calls this "choice." In real life, like him, I have had many instances of that along with lack of interest in having or creating a relationship, as well as fear of it being too much for me, like I'd have to go out and occupy my time with it, what would people think or make fun of me at school because they couldn't mind their own business as despicable kids, keeping a low profile, as well as a higher danger that a real life relationship can expose me to as I've always perceived myself as vulnerable and I have been in my life.


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Rexi
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09 Oct 2021, 10:26 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
I've read some psychology about the couch thing. A man or a woman who's unwilling to sleep on the couch after he/she's made a mistake is likely unready and unwilling to accept rules, boundaries and limitations and the process of healing, mind, space and recovery of the one who has been harmed and wronged. The way the couch and each individual is regarded on each side of the viewing point can create or mend problems in relationships. It can be a meaningful process of giving and nurturing, enhancing value and recognizing fault as well as willfully accepting consequence and encouraging healing.
I disagree. The wife making the husband sleep on the couch is a test. That is, she's testing him to see how well he stands up for himself or how far pushes back. I mean, he paid for the house and the bed, at least 50% of it, so he very much deserves to sleep there no matter what. If he readily gives in and actually sleeps on the couch that night, then in her mind, he's a pathetic weakling, and she loses respect for him. Which means she'll pick fights with him over more and more trivial things, just to mess with him. Until she either flat-out injures him just because feminism says she can, or files for divorce and leaves him penniless while living it up on his money.

Conversely, if he stands up for himself and tells her to shove her feeeeeelings up her butt, then she may be angry with him in the moment, but she'll respect him more in the long run. Which is a recipe for a peaceful relationship.

Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfil its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family.


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Last edited by Rexi on 09 Oct 2021, 10:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

Aspie1
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09 Oct 2021, 10:44 am

Rexi wrote:
Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfill its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family..
That's true on paper. But in today's marriages, only one person at a time can be happy: the husband OR the wife, not both. It's like living with your parents as a child: either they get power over you OR you get freedom, but both can't happen at the same time. Also, feminism dictates that only the wife deserves happiness, while the husband must work himself to exhaustion to provide it. So if you want to be happy---or at least tolerably content---in your marriage, you gotta FIGHT for it; it doesn't come automatically, like it did in 1950's.


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Last edited by Aspie1 on 09 Oct 2021, 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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09 Oct 2021, 10:48 am

You can tell someone doesn't have any understanding of feminism, whether in theory or in practice and just needs an excuse for misogyny.


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09 Oct 2021, 10:50 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfill its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family..
That's true on paper. But in today's marriages, only one person at a time can be happy: the husband OR the wife, not both. It's like living with your parents as a child: either they get power over you OR you get freedom, but both can't happen at the same time. Also, feminism dictates that only the wife deserves happiness, while the husband must work himself to exhaustion to provide it. So if you want to be happy---or at least tolerably content---in your marriage, you gotta FIGHT for it; it doesn't come automatically, like it did in 1950's.
I'm sorry you have never experienced living in a healthy family where people simply care for each other :(


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09 Oct 2021, 10:52 am

funeralxempire wrote:
You can tell someone doesn't have any understanding of feminism, whether in theory or in practice and just needs an excuse for misogyny.
It seems as if some people are simply incapable of understanding such things.

I pity them.



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09 Oct 2021, 10:55 am

An additional allegory is when an unhealthy dog forces and bullies the other pack animals into submission as opposed to when submission is being offered to the dog for being balanced enough for the pack to team up and agree to follow him. Humans may follow unstable pack leaders, but animals never do. Eventually a bad leader will fall, even by mass choice, of the lesser intelligent masses. And women are caught up in unhealthy relationships, but most of them have escaped. That's why many have scars from dating jerks and believe they need them, but in actuality they don't. Only desperate women will. And even the most desperate women in stuck situations can and have escaped.

I think you understood it all wrong. The tests women give when you have the classic "testing" behavior is to see how tough the man is, not to see how weak he is and how fast he gets emotionally disbalanced and cusses or hurts her. To see how well he handles challenge if she senses he is weak or instinctively checking to make sure he can take care of her and her little ones. Handling with strength is being able to use humor or depressurize the event. If she gets angry, generally, and that's a bit different if the guy made a mistake and can't admit they have, apologize and make up for it. All these processes take strength and it's not about what you believe or how you interpret showing strength but what is perceived from the outside. Not all comprehend what strength is about and that patience pays off and that the quickness of solving issues is not always a good strategy especially when we're talking about healthy lasting relationships.


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09 Oct 2021, 11:13 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfill its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family..
That's true on paper. But in today's marriages, only one person at a time can be happy: the husband OR the wife, not both. It's like living with your parents as a child: either they get power over you OR you get freedom, but both can't happen at the same time. Also, feminism dictates that only the wife deserves happiness, while the husband must work himself to exhaustion to provide it. So if you want to be happy---or at least tolerably content---in your marriage, you gotta FIGHT for it; it doesn't come automatically, like it did in 1950's.


My wife and I make each other very happy :heart:



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09 Oct 2021, 11:15 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfill its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family..
That's true on paper. But in today's marriages, only one person at a time can be happy: the husband OR the wife, not both. It's like living with your parents as a child: either they get power over you OR you get freedom, but both can't happen at the same time. Also, feminism dictates that only the wife deserves happiness, while the husband must work himself to exhaustion to provide it. So if you want to be happy---or at least tolerably content---in your marriage, you gotta FIGHT for it; it doesn't come automatically, like it did in 1950's.

Even if that were universally true, which it isn't and which is why counselling exists, because the issues you talk about need helped and can be helped, it sounds a little selfish that one would want to be the happy one. In general this pattern is easy to fall into, each to satisfy their needs and get very defensive with challenges and issues. Turning this point to each taking care of the other is more balanced, rids of a lot of tension but it's not complete until it becomes natural and not something to "have to do".

There's the thing of desiring equality. When that is what both partners want, the power struggle will be minimal and undesired, and both will generally work to make it stop. This view of relationships is quite rare as people have differing views of who's supposed to be in control and their religion may influence their beliefs or even tradition. But toxicity can interfere with equality, if people have hurt one another and react instinctively and have a skewed vision of each other's interest towards them, it usually comes with loss of trust, getting along is much tougher.

Paper is not just paper. Psychology was written by specialists who have experience and additional studies of people with real life relationships, as well as dealing with their issues and correcting them. They have helped people in the situation you've described. Hmm, I'm finding it hard to believe that husband is happy. That's not what I picture a happy husband acting like, even in spite of their beliefs. Which leads me to believe they both might be unhappy, and that happiness might aid a lot into fixing this, because if he's happy, he has nothing to worry about his behaviour towards a woman not being right or to snap at her about, or get annoyed she has feelings. Also, each woman is a person, not just a woman. One thing doesn't necessarily work with all women. I was actually doing this suggested thing in my relationship with my ex but every time shed jump like burnt, and for a long time I couldn't understand what the heck I was doing wrong. But honestly, there is not much difference in the hardship of dating either gender. Men do indeed go through what I went through. And that is very sad. And I think I understand why some are scared of women who start off by taking control of a situation. It's not that they don't think a person is awesome and can't comprehend that value of a strong woman, but it's about how safe they could feel entering a relationship with a person whose instincts are to control. That's a very vulnerable state of processing a personality, as their future depends on it.


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09 Oct 2021, 11:42 am

Axeman wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Usually, it’s the man who has to sleep on the couch :)

I never heard of a man forcing a woman to sleep on the couch after an argument.


Damn I thought this a dead thread.

From 7 oct to 9 oct, means 2 days.
Not long enough. Still prolly has 8 lives to go.
The more the owner and admin threaten to close it, the more the value of posts increase. Maybe just incelness is an exciting topic, and we are all relationship freaks because we have a hard time with them.


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09 Oct 2021, 11:46 am

Rexi wrote:
Axeman wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Usually, it’s the man who has to sleep on the couch :)

I never heard of a man forcing a woman to sleep on the couch after an argument.


Damn I thought this a dead thread.

From 7 oct to 9 oct, means 2 days.
Not long enough. Still prolly has 8 lives to go.
The more the owner and admin threaten to close it, the more the value of posts increase. Maybe just incelness is an exciting topic, and we are all relationship freaks because we have a hard time with them.


Aspie1 needs mental help imo.



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09 Oct 2021, 11:58 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Thats really unhealthy. There are things that happen beyond the "apparent" peacefulness. She shuts down in that moment, she doesn't respect him.

It's the same thing as when people use shock collars on dogs. They shut down and behave but it creates disbalance daily. As opposed to when you understand the animal and fulfill its needs where everyone ends up being happy and balanced, the dog and the family..
That's true on paper. But in today's marriages, only one person at a time can be happy: the husband OR the wife, not both. It's like living with your parents as a child: either they get power over you OR you get freedom, but both can't happen at the same time. Also, feminism dictates that only the wife deserves happiness, while the husband must work himself to exhaustion to provide it. So if you want to be happy---or at least tolerably content---in your marriage, you gotta FIGHT for it; it doesn't come automatically, like it did in 1950's.


Lol I guess I am doing it wrong then, I guess I better stop trying to be an enhancement to my boyfriends life and start being a nightmare than? we've lived together 5 years and could end up married. So I better start practicing being the perfect wife dictator, and quit cleaning up around the apartment when he's at work...because he should do all the cleaning and money making :roll:

Like seriously what you describe sounds like a toxic relationship from fictional 90's movies, not really a super typical real life thing.