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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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08 Feb 2019, 2:21 am

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
cberg wrote:
To be honest I'm not sure I ever thought about that. I always assumed it's going to take some effort to introduce anyone to what I do for fun. I'm not sure where to start but I like that idea.

I also know I need to be better about candid discussions than I am now. I need to redress that with people I already know.


If you made an effort to be a little more direct in your style of communication with people, I have a feeling people would respond more positively to you because they would have a better sense of where you're coming from.

I personally enjoy playing with language/word games and sometimes use formal or unusual language, but I try to limit that somewhat unless I'm talking to someone who knows that about me and is comfortable with the way I use language, because it puts some people off. I'm not being less myself by slightly changing the way I use language around people I don't know as well or who are less accepting of differences, I'm just keeping to myself and saving what I consider my fun qualities for people who appreciate those things about me.

Sometimes you have to make little adjustments like that to prevent pushing people away, it's just part of socializing because we are all different so we have to always be making little compromises to communicate and interact with people. We're not equally compatible with everyone we interact with because we're all individual, so with most people you have to make these little adjustments and compromises to smooth things over socially.

You're not faking a personality or being "inauthentic" or anything like that by making these small compromises, you're just making the necessary effort to smooth socialization. That's just how human interaction works most of the time, you have to work a bit to meet people in the middle.

EDIT: for spelling.


I am asking this as a real question, how in this world do you consciously adjust your daily conversational style to direct, when you aren't really that style to begin with?


All I know is that when I started to notice that my formal sometimes pedantic way of talking put people off I started making a conscious effort to tone that aspect of my personality down when around people who might react to it that way, it's a form of masking. I'm not always successful in my effort, sometimes I don't notice I'm doing it until the other person starts to give me a strange look or appear bored and I catch myself. Other days I care less about being vigilant about such things so I make less effort and talk more "aspie-esque" and don't think about whether it's pushing people away or not because I don't care as much. It's not a perfect thing, not a fix, and it's something I struggle with because of my autism--but I have noticed that when I do make a concerted effort to be a little less pedantic and formal with strangers it puts them at ease and facilitates interaction more smoothly, so it can be handy for brief interactions like across a store counter (and because in those kinds of instances you don't have to hold it for as long so it's less tiring and takes less concentration and mental effort.)

Does that make sense? I don't know how else to explain.



sly279
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08 Feb 2019, 2:47 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Or the right person does exist----and you will be proven to be incorrect.

That’s just a fantasy



sly279
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08 Feb 2019, 2:51 am

blooiejagwa wrote:
cberg wrote:
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They shd make many many movies with big Hollywood names,
showcasing ASD men n women in positive n appealing light as I think that wd make everyone realize the treasure that such ppl are.


I'm moderately afraid of this even if I want to see it happen too. Everything about me is camera ahy even if it's portrayed by someone who's not. I hope people in my life are thinking about these themes but I don't know if more people will present ASD as a disability or just weirdness.


Sorry I don’t quite understand what u said there. Do u mean you are afraid of undue or unwanted attention? Or u are afraid of inaccurate n bad portrayals?

Ohhh or are u afraid that ppl will see those portrayals in movies n expect AlL ASD people to follow that pattern n have that personality ?? Like a stock character n stereotype that keeps repeating out of sheer laziness n unoriginality?


Like the ‘requisite funny black man’ character

except now it will be the ‘requisite quirky ASD person’ character?


The good doctor is a prime example
They Petray us as robotic.
I find it insulting.



ShyGirl7
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08 Feb 2019, 3:13 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Or the right person does exist----and you will be proven to be incorrect.

That’s just a fantasy


He's right, actually. :D

You do have a soulmate out there.



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08 Feb 2019, 3:51 am

I think to a degree simply being on the spectrum is going to give most of us times of feeling excluded/lonely. So in some ways I think we are going to have to accept that this is the way things are. I don't mean in a fatalist kind of way - that it's all there is going to be and there's no hope, but just recognizing that we are going to have these bumps. It might last a long time or a short time, but it's going to be there and we just need to 'ride it out' to some extent. Of course it does't mean you can't be proactive. Trying to be better is always a good thing

Conversation style was mentioned - I agree with what others said about how that could be off putting. From my perspective your manner presents as quite an intellect and I think that people can be really intimidated by that. But should you change it? Eh, I think that's up to you to decide if the effort is worth it. I mean there is something to be said for finding someone that can jam along with your thought process while you're talking about something freely.

You are a bit unexpected from what I've hearing and that might throw some people/women off. A computery hacker type also does extreme sports?! Whaaaat? In the past those things didn't really go together. Trying to find someone that is also into those same things might be difficult but I don't doubt that it'd be possible to find someone that is into one and is chill about the other at the very least.

It is rather ironic to me that the various constructs that came out of patriarchy are now showing to be damaging towards men. That is how it is though, the idea of what a man is, how he looks, acts, feels etc. was set so for all you guys who don't fit into that traditional idea that we've all been taught and even had jammed down our throats are struggling to find your place. It's certainly no help in terms of raising males either. Because of these ideas we've skipped over actually teaching you guys how to deal with your feelings. There is change happening, but it's still in the baby like stages; akin to when women first stood up against the ideals ole. I've run into numerous guys that are rather self conscious of their more feminine (whether it's physical or that they rather show their emotions)aspects and I think that's rather sad that they feel so constrained and that they are being judged and overlooked for those things. I can't speak for all women but many of us are okay with a guy not being what has been seen as the manly male mate. Someone that is comfortable in themselves and genuine is more important. In any case, when others might be disparaging you for voicing your feelings, loneliness or otherwise try to not take it as a personal judgement just on you. There's also people who may do that simply because they themselves don't know how to respond to feelings. You guys are fighting a battle of sorts against ideas, and that goes for patriarchal/media representation and those of ASD.

I think a key here might be to try to look into how to effectively share and talk about how you feel to others who might otherwise just think you're whining. What that method is I'm not quite sure, but there has to be one somewhere! Showing action to change things is usually the best way to show you're not just complaining but that certainly doesn't present well or much on a forum.


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08 Feb 2019, 4:11 am

I agree, I'm just not lucid enough to put honest thought into this since I worked until 11.

Yay generation intern! :skull:


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08 Feb 2019, 4:31 am

Here's a thought because I can't sleep anyway.

This is all just as hard for NTs. Can you seriously imagine dealing with a weirdo like me? 8O Well I can't. How does she ever manage? It's mind boggling I must say.


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08 Feb 2019, 9:04 am

Don’t call yourself A weirdo. A weirdo is someone who lies about thems to themselves n others. That is weird n creepy. Being honest n genuine is not weird. It should not be


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08 Feb 2019, 2:00 pm

I suppose being honest might be easily misconstrued when people expect to know everything about me with a few clicks - I don't exactly cater to that. Instead I make everyone think, a lot.

Quote:
You are a bit unexpected from what I've hearing and that might throw some people/women off. A computery hacker type also does extreme sports?! Whaaaat? In the past those things didn't really go together. Trying to find someone that is also into those same things might be difficult but I don't doubt that it'd be possible to find someone that is into one and is chill about the other at the very least.


Yeah, I can't seem to make sense of it myself, I just do what I do & hopefully my friends think it's cool. I guess I'm more focused on explaining my strangeness than I am about meeting anyone new. I'm not a fearful person but I'm very shy anyway.


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08 Feb 2019, 3:23 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
Don’t call yourself A weirdo. A weirdo is someone who lies about thems to themselves n others. That is weird n creepy. Being honest n genuine is not weird. It should not be


Pay no mind to my sardonic nonsense, it's secondary to my point there:
Quote:
This is all just as hard for NTs.


There's no way for this stuff to be easy for anyone. I think the perception of me as somehow disabled ignores the fact that I do all kinds of things others won't or can't. I'm a confusing person. My existence challenges common sense preconceptions.


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-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


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09 Feb 2019, 3:27 am

cberg wrote:
This is all just as hard for NTs. Can you seriously imagine dealing with a weirdo like me? 8O Well I can't. How does she ever manage? It's mind boggling I must say.

It is in many ways, the ASD makes an added complication though. We have to work just a bit harder to create bridges. Obviously anyone that would be with you would have to be as equally weird. :P But hey weird beats the hell out of boring.

"Instead I make everyone think, a lot."

What's wrong with making people think more? I don't believe people think enough most of the time xD

"Yeah, I can't seem to make sense of it myself, I just do what I do & hopefully my friends think it's cool. I guess I'm more focused on explaining my strangeness than I am about meeting anyone new. I'm not a fearful person but I'm very shy anyway"

Do you need to make sense of it? You like what you like, you do you. I would guess that the thrill you get from your sports is not all that unlike what you get from zipping around on a computer and hacking. There's a certain "risk" and stimulation from both. You may not be as confusing as you think.


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09 Feb 2019, 5:11 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Or the right person does exist----and you will be proven to be incorrect.

That’s just a fantasy


He's right, actually. :D

You do have a soulmate out there.

Soulmates are a made up idea by marketing team.
Only humans who have value are datable those who aren’t spend their lives alone until they die only being used for services.



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09 Feb 2019, 6:18 am

sly279 wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Or the right person does exist----and you will be proven to be incorrect.

That’s just a fantasy


He's right, actually. :D

You do have a soulmate out there.

Soulmates are a made up idea by marketing team.
Only humans who have value are datable those who aren’t spend their lives alone until they die only being used for services.


The concept of soulmates predates marketing teams, Sweetheart.

Everyone is designed to be with their counterpart.

Why do you feel as though you have no value?



The Grand Inquisitor
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09 Feb 2019, 6:28 am

ShyGirl7 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
ShyGirl7 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Or the right person does exist----and you will be proven to be incorrect.

That’s just a fantasy


He's right, actually. :D

You do have a soulmate out there.

Soulmates are a made up idea by marketing team.
Only humans who have value are datable those who aren’t spend their lives alone until they die only being used for services.


The concept of soulmates predates marketing teams, Sweetheart.

Everyone is designed to be with their counterpart.

Why do you feel as though you have no value?

There's no such thing as soul mates. There's just varying levels of compatibility with other people. If there were soul mates, nobody would die alone after having spent their whole life alone, which happens. This idea that there's soul mates just stems from spiritual people's wishful thinking.



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09 Feb 2019, 11:03 am

I had a soulmate.....



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09 Feb 2019, 11:59 am

ha man I feel you, kinda in the same boat as you are. Haven't been with a girl for a year and a half. A friend asked me "how can I cope" I think he was more refering to the lack of sex aspect of it but honestly right now I care more for just the companionship over casual sex.. like you, to feel loved by a siginificant other and not being partner-less.

My view is that it's right down to luck. Sadly nowdays the the (almost) only way to get to know girls is through apps which is a double edged sword. I would have prefered if this wasn't the case, non of the relationships I had so far were through apps but through RL (ie the old analog way) I hope the next one too