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Dan82
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25 May 2019, 11:44 pm

angelofdarkness wrote:
nick007 wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Well he asked what I thought of a mug someone tagged me in on fb as a joke, and offered to buy it for me which i didn't feel comfortable even accepting, i told him to watch it. He got all defensive and said okau okay, maybe for Christmas or something l. Im extremely confused, whats the point of trying to buy something after all the confusion i was put though
Maybe he feels sorry & that is his way of trying to make it up to you so to speak


It makes no sense,oh all the pain i put you through heres a lousy gift

It's the thought that counts!



angelofdarkness
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26 May 2019, 1:01 am

Its confusing as heck


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blackicmenace
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26 May 2019, 1:08 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
Its confusing as heck

Just guessing, but he may have meant it in a purely humorous way as in a jest, and when you said watch it, he could have confused that as flirting rather than seriousness? Did he laugh or giggle at all in a playful manner? Were you serious when you said watch it?


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angelofdarkness
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26 May 2019, 1:20 am

blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Its confusing as heck

Just guessing, but he may have meant it in a purely humorous way as in a jest, and when you said watch it, he could have confused that as flirting rather than seriousness? Did he laugh or giggle at all in a playful manner? Were you serious when you said watch it?


No he seemed like he really meant it and seemed kind of upset when i said it


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 May 2019, 3:35 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
Well he asked what I thought of a mug someone tagged me in on fb as a joke, and offered to buy it for me which i didn't feel comfortable even accepting, i told him to watch it. He got all defensive and said okau okay, maybe for Christmas or something l. Im extremely confused, whats the point of trying to buy something after all the confusion i was put though



Yes, you are confusing as heck.

What did you mean by “watch it”?
What kind of reaction is that?

It sounds aggressive, or like “I warn you!” as if he did something so offensive to you. What was written on this mug?

It is not something one says to a crush.

Frankly if I was this guy I would have stopped any communication with you immediately, especially if you’re a coworker.



blackicmenace
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26 May 2019, 3:49 am

angelofdarkness wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Its confusing as heck

Just guessing, but he may have meant it in a purely humorous way as in a jest, and when you said watch it, he could have confused that as flirting rather than seriousness? Did he laugh or giggle at all in a playful manner? Were you serious when you said watch it?


No he seemed like he really meant it and seemed kind of upset when i said it

1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting humor? 1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting when someone is flirting with you? Did you find the mug joke funny? Do you think he thought the mug joke was funny? Do you think he thought you liked the mug joke? Does he use humor often? Did he smile after he offered to buy you the mug? What did you mean when you said watch it?


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26 May 2019, 4:03 am

Maybe it is wize in this case to just be friendly and leave it like that. It is difficult.
I know from my experience in that I am very shy towards girls and women in real life situations, that I have often put ladies off that I fancy because I have not felt worthy of dating, and then I feel that I want them to grab me and not let go so I would then have a really loyal girlfriend who I could really love.
Mind you, that is me and it is probably why I am still single. Haha! But seriously. If he is shrinking back and getting angry with it, it seems to me like a "No", as when I was shrinking back and hoping the lady would make a move to stop me shrinking back I would never be anoyed. I would not be angry at all. I would be extremely greatful, unless I really wasn't interested in which I would then open up and be honest.
I tend to do this because it is hard for me to believe a lady would like me, and also I am really nurvous around ladies. I mean... Well. Due to faceblindness when I went to meet my first date I didn't recognise her and I was so, so upset that I had upset her that I refused to date for around 15 years or more as I really could not put myself through the thought that I may accidently upset another lady. Why the two times I habe dated in my life where I call it proper dating were times when the ladies had asked me out. I have had quite a few ladies ask me out in the past but I usually refused because I just didn't believe they were serious about it. I just don't get body language most of the time so if a lady is attracted to me I often will miss the signs and confuse them with just being friendly.



angelofdarkness
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26 May 2019, 5:35 am

blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Its confusing as heck

Just guessing, but he may have meant it in a purely humorous way as in a jest, and when you said watch it, he could have confused that as flirting rather than seriousness? Did he laugh or giggle at all in a playful manner? Were you serious when you said watch it?


No he seemed like he really meant it and seemed kind of upset when i said it

1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting humor? 1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting when someone is flirting with you? Did you find the mug joke funny? Do you think he thought the mug joke was funny? Do you think he thought you liked the mug joke? Does he use humor often? Did he smile after he offered to buy you the mug? What did you mean when you said watch it?


Im normally pretty good at noticing humor but not flirting. It was something i just got tagged in fb by a close friend, to wind each otherup and he butted in and commented om it. He often jokes around and is humorous at work, but he seemed nervous when he asked what i thought about it out of nowhere amd offered to buy it for me. I was joking when i said watch it but i have a blunt way of saying things


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jimmy m
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26 May 2019, 7:39 am

Interesting. Perhaps he is looking for a dominant type. If that is the case, instead of asking him for a date, tell him that we are going on a date and have it all planned out in advance. See where that gets you.

It kind of reminds me of one series of an old TV sitcom. A long long time before there was "Big Bang Theory" there was another very successful TV series on TV about Aspies. (Of course they didn't identify the TV characters as Aspies, just like Big Bang Theory didn't.) But it was a fabulous world of Aspies. The television sitcom with a quirky name was called “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” and I identified with it and its humor. This sitcom aired from 1959 to 1963.

One of the characters in the sitcom Zelda Gilroy. She was a very intelligent female math/science Aspie. She first appears in the third episode of the first season “Love is Science”. She decided that she and Dobie are destined to fall in love because of the principles of propinquity. Their last names start with the same letter, therefore when seats are assigned in the classrooms, they will sit together and naturally this close proximity will lead to love.

Anyways this sitcom was a marvelous world, a snapshot of the difficulties Aspies faced in the 1950/60 era from a high school perspective, a world of humor and maybe a little less drama. A world where Aspies were accepted and were just a weird component of society.


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MaxE
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26 May 2019, 9:40 am

jimmy m wrote:
Interesting. Perhaps he is looking for a dominant type. If that is the case, instead of asking him for a date, tell him that we are going on a date and have it all planned out in advance. See where that gets you.
Whether or not he is actually looking for a "dominant" type (I strongly suspect he doesn't really know what he wants) I strongly agree with this suggestion.


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26 May 2019, 11:53 am

@angelofdarkness BTW I noticed you posted at 1:20 then again at 5:35. Where you up all night? Working night shift? Gaming? Pardon my curiosity but wanted to ask.


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angelofdarkness
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26 May 2019, 12:21 pm

MaxE wrote:
@angelofdarkness BTW I noticed you posted at 1:20 then again at 5:35. Where you up all night? Working night shift? Gaming? Pardon my curiosity but wanted to ask.

I couldn't sleep js all so gaming


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blackicmenace
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26 May 2019, 1:23 pm

angelofdarkness wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
angelofdarkness wrote:
Its confusing as heck

Just guessing, but he may have meant it in a purely humorous way as in a jest, and when you said watch it, he could have confused that as flirting rather than seriousness? Did he laugh or giggle at all in a playful manner? Were you serious when you said watch it?


No he seemed like he really meant it and seemed kind of upset when i said it

1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting humor? 1-10 how good would you say you are at detecting when someone is flirting with you? Did you find the mug joke funny? Do you think he thought the mug joke was funny? Do you think he thought you liked the mug joke? Does he use humor often? Did he smile after he offered to buy you the mug? What did you mean when you said watch it?


Im normally pretty good at noticing humor but not flirting. It was something i just got tagged in fb by a close friend, to wind each otherup and he butted in and commented om it. He often jokes around and is humorous at work, but he seemed nervous when he asked what i thought about it out of nowhere amd offered to buy it for me. I was joking when i said watch it but i have a blunt way of saying things

The vast majority of humans tend to overestimate their abilities. It is human nature to do so. Is there a chance you are over valuing your own ability to detect the sarcasm of his joke and took it literally? Why do you think he was nervous? Could he just be nervous around you because he likes you and just wants to impress you? The joking use of "watch it" could be perceived as flirting, especially because you have told him you like him. I doubt he meant he was actually going to buy the mug, I think he meant it in a sarcastic sort of teasing jest.


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TheOther
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05 Jun 2019, 1:25 pm

I don't know anything because I only have your brief account, so take this all with a grain of salt.

It sounds to me like he wants to be your friend, but isn't attracted to you romantically. It seems like he is trying to balance not giving you the impression that he is romantically interested with wanting to let you know he still wants to be friends. The look on his face in the movie theater sounds like he feels sad that, a. your friendship might be in jeopardy, and b. that you might feel bad after his extreme reaction.

It can be hurtful to remain friends with someone when they don't reciprocate your feelings. A lot of people can't take it. There is nothing wrong if you decide that the friendship is too painful, though a healthy person should be able to remain amicable and not make it a big deal if you happen to attend the same gathering or bum into one another.

Assuming you are OK remaining as friends, I think it will work out fine from what you have said. It sounds like you already talked to him and told him you're not upset, and you guys have hung out again, so there is a good chance things will go back to normal friendship in a few weeks if your future interactions mirror what they were before you told him you liked him.

If you are being driven mad by the not knowing, you can talk to him in a non threatening way. In a calm and friendly way, you can say something like, "I am not upset or mad, but I am feeling confused about our interaction a while ago. Are you only interested in me as a platonic friend? That is totally cool with me, I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page."