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Summer_Twilight
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31 Jul 2019, 8:00 am

Recently, a friend tried to set me up with his roommate who I have been crushing on from afar and he seemed like he was interested in return. That said, he chose to date another close friend of his or so his facebook posts showed pictures of them together and even posted about how he is in a new relationship with her.

I was very upset yesterday because
A. I have never had a chance to have a boyfriend
B. Just about every time I meet someone, he seems interested for a moment but I always get overlooked for someone else and then I get rejected
C. Meanwhile, the only ones who are persistent are men who are creeps, including a neighbor who won't take "No" for an answer that lives in my neighborhood

I posted about this on Facebook while not using his name, but I expressed my frustration and he did acknowledge that what I said in a private message. He asked me if I was sad and I said yes and that I will be ok. He replied, "I know you will be."

I feel like wanting to say more to him because I am a little upset with him for not giving me a chance and running off with someone else.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2019, 8:58 am

Don’t respond.



Summer_Twilight
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31 Jul 2019, 9:05 am

What are your thoughts about him contacting me like that and asking me if I am sad? I thought that was strange and the fact that he showed off his new girlfriend on Facebook for me to see. I honestly thought that it was pretty mean of him to act like he was going to take interest in mean and then run off and date this other close friend of his.



quite an extreme
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31 Jul 2019, 10:21 am

Sorry, that this happened to you. Sometimes we need to accept that we may need to change the way that we are. Autism may cause you to be very hard and unemotional and totally unaware of the feelings of other people towards you. May be you are to much expecting others to be according the rules that you think they should and to less questioning yourself how they may feel towards you just because of the typical way that you are. People aren't really nice if it comes to emotional connections. Either they really like you or they reject you sooner or later in an always unpleasant and possibly hurting way. But even if this may hurt you it's better than they would stay with you and make you feel bad because they don't really care about you.



Summer_Twilight
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31 Jul 2019, 10:32 am

Actually, this man who I was interested in is also on the spectrum himself



breaks0
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31 Jul 2019, 7:57 pm

Summer: Based on what he said, he could've IMed you on FB because he was trying to show at least some concern for your feelings. That's what I would've done. Even "I know you will be" (ok) could imply that, depending on his meaning.

So you've never had a guy. That must suck alot. Having been single almost 20 years myself, I empathize w/you. You also said that this guy showed off his new gf to you, like was it in the IM he sent you or did he post it for everyone to see on his own page? Also you say that you were hurt/annoyed that he previously feigned interest in you is that right? That reminds me of the guy Hurtloam posted about a few months ago who was her best friend, feigned interest and then avoided her before telling her he wasn't interested, which was really hard on her and to top it off she lost a close friend. That kind of double heartbreak is very tough to get over.

I don't really see Extreme's point and from what I do understand, I disagree. You haven't said anything to indicate that you're the problem here nor that you're doing/saying anything that leads you to keep getting passed over by guys you're interested in. You're attracting creeps which is bad and annoying obviously, but it also shows that you're desireable. It's probably just a matter of meeting a normal (relatively speaking) guy who you gel with, which I know is hard as f**k nowadays, I totally get that. Unfortunately alot of it is just blind luck, though where you look, how you go about it, what kind of guys you're looking at/for and lots of other factors cumulatively play a role obviously. I wish I could offer more constructive advice, but if you do wanna partner, yeah just keep at it and move on asa you can.

The other thing that might help is focusing on all the other areas of your life to improve your overall quality of life and general wellbeing. Like focus on your career, hobbies, making as many (or as many close) friends as possible and whatever else makes you feel good and happy. That's likely over time to attract the kind of guy you're looking for because it radiates out to the world that you're fun to be around, confident, full of life so to speak and to some extent at least preoccupied w/living your life to its fullest. Good luck!



Summer_Twilight
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01 Aug 2019, 5:45 am

:lol: He didn't show her off to me like that, rather, he seemed to talk to me one minute on facebook by asking if I was going to be at a social gathering. Then the next I didn't hear from him again. As for the girlfriend part, he posted her on his page and yes, I was very sad on Tuesday and cried my eyes out.

Now regarding the whole dating thing, I have learned to focus on other things for a while. He was the first time in a while that I thought I might have a chance.

As for getting into hobbies, though I was sad, I spent a couple of hours at the gym after work and I used the stair master. There are some clubs I want to get involved in as well.



nick007
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04 Aug 2019, 1:22 pm

Did the guy actually know you were interested in him & had been crushing on him :?: Sometimes people try & play matchmaker for their friends when the friends barely even know each other exists. If it was a situation like that it could be possible that the guy you were interested in Summer realized he had a chance with somebody he already knew & liked, maybe she even came on to him even & the guy figured he'd take a chance with the person he knows a bit & also knows the person likes him instead of taking the chance with somebody who's practically a stranger to him.


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