Ended My Relationship Because Of Partner's Addictions

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Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 6:24 am

Well guys,after 3 years together I ended my relationship with my aspie yesterday. His alcohol addiction, prolific use of weed and addiction to porn are what finally led to this decision.
I am so sad and empty. I wish I could help him but I cannot, I can only endeavor to make healthy choices for myself, seeing him self-destruct is not contributing to my well being.

I love him very much. Blocking him on whatsapp is breaking my heart but it's the only way I can disengage from him as he refuses to respect my boundaries. I feel as though I am going through a withdrawal from a drug. I think about him constantly. I hope I can get through this. He won't acknowledge that he has a problem and according to my belief "if you don't own it you can't fix it."

So sad for him and sad for myself. How will I live without him?


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kraftiekortie
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22 Nov 2019, 6:33 am

Sounds like a wise move to me.

Addiction to alcohol tends to have lousy results for all associated with that person.

I was in a relationship with someone who had alcohol for breakfast. That didn’t end too good....but it had to end.

Yep. Losing somebody feels like mourning. It’s sad. I hope you maintain your strength.



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22 Nov 2019, 6:54 am

I think it is best to engage in self care, I am sorry it ended because of addiction.



Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 7:15 am

Thank you for your kindness.


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22 Nov 2019, 7:21 am

Wow, I'm sorry you are having to go through this.

It's tough to let someone you love go, but you can't save someone who doesn't want help.

You were here before he came along and you will continue to survive without him. You are strong and you did the right thing for you.

It's going to take some time, so be kind to yourself.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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22 Nov 2019, 9:04 am

I'm so sorry for your loss.

(Hugs)


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22 Nov 2019, 9:19 am

It was incredibly hard to walk away from my ex because as crazy as she acted she had amazing potential if she wasn't so self sabotaging. I finally reached the point where I realize it was either let her drown in her own self-destructive behavior or become a victim as well. It was really hard and I tried to let her down gently but I had to complete cut off contact in order for me to even function. I know it is tough beyond anyone's understand but you will eventually realize you made the right choice as you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves.



Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 10:24 am

I just received a message from him saying that "I'm not worried, you'll be back with your tail between your legs before long." This has happened so many times because I always make excuses for him, or forgive him, or he behaves well for a while. Then he'll text me drunk, or be rude. I know that I bring light into his life but he will extinguish that light if I continue to see him. Walking away feels like dying though. I really appreciate everyone's support. His autism is too much for him to contain sometimes though I have told him that I like the way he is programmed. This is true, I do. Addiction enslaves him, makes him selfish and aggressive. Him wanting me back is just another facet of his addiction, he sees me as a drug also because I soothe him so much.
I suppose what I mean is that I deserve to in a nurturing environment also, be considered, respected, listened to. If he gets his act together I will be here, but he needs to find that strength within himself.
There is no point in both of us being abused by his addictions, I am grateful that I can see that.
I hope I can break this cycle of going back just because he is so miserable without me. Truth is I am just as miserable without him but it's a vicious cycle.


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kraftiekortie
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22 Nov 2019, 10:27 am

There is no actual correlation between alcohol addiction and being autistic.

"Being autistic" is no excuse for someone to be a drunk.

Yep....the guy is trying to get you back...and he's trying to be "macho" about it.



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22 Nov 2019, 10:27 am

I think you need to make a complete break away from him.  Start out by blocking his calls, emails and texts.


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Luhluhluh
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22 Nov 2019, 10:30 am

Fnord wrote:
I think you need to make a complete break away from him.  Start out by blocking his calls, emails and texts.


Yeah I'm seconding this. Nuclear option. Block him on everything - phone, social media, etc.

Being autistic is not an excuse to be a drunk as*hole.


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Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 10:46 am

It's the voice of reason to block his sms's or his number but I can't find the strength yet. I am not answering him.
Yes he is being macho, it often works, foolish foolish woman that I am :)


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Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 10:59 am

Actually he was diagnosed with HFA only after being in the army in my country and being a combat soldier in several serious military operations. He saw friends killed. He has PTSD and OCD. That's why the addictions started, I don't see him as an as*hole but rather emotionally bankrupt, traumatised and in pain. The effect his addictions have on me are just as toxic though.


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Fnord
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22 Nov 2019, 11:05 am

Teach51 wrote:
It's the voice of reason to block his sms's or his number but I can't find the strength yet...
What do you need strength for?  You're either through with him or you are not.  If you are through with him, then cutting him off completely is your one best option.  If you are not through with him, then you may as well just go back to him "with your tail between your legs" just like he wants you to.


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Teach51
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22 Nov 2019, 11:12 am

Fnord wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
It's the voice of reason to block his sms's or his number but I can't find the strength yet...
What do you need strength for?  You're either through with him or you are not.  If you are through with him, then cutting him off completely is your one best option.  If you are not through with him, then you may as well just go back to him "with your tail between your legs" just like he wants you to.


That's logical Fnordy but I am an emotional person and my feelings are creating an inner struggle between the healthy choice and the emotional one. NT behaviour I suppose. I am trying to overcome the emotional response and choose the logical healthy one.

Isn't that what all love songs are about? How love makes us do stupid things?


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Last edited by Teach51 on 22 Nov 2019, 11:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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22 Nov 2019, 11:17 am

Teach51 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
It's the voice of reason to block his sms's or his number but I can't find the strength yet...
What do you need strength for?  You're either through with him or you are not.  If you are through with him, then cutting him off completely is your one best option.  If you are not through with him, then you may as well just go back to him "with your tail between your legs" just like he wants you to.
That's logical Fnordy but I am an emotional person and my feelings are creating an inner struggle between the healthy choice and the emotional one. NT behaviour I suppose. I am trying to overcome the emotional response and choose the logical healthy one.
There is no 'Try'.  There is only 'Do' or 'Do Not'.

If we all waited to be in the right mood before getting something done, then nothing would ever get done.


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