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Azhar
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22 Mar 2020, 4:30 pm

Hello I need some advice...
There is a boy I met in January at the university, we started talking and I saw that he likes several things that I do too. My friends make fun of us because according to them we would be the perfect couple and they have told me that he likes me and I realized that could be true because he use to try talking to me all the time.
I like to talk to him because he listens to me when I'm talking about my special interest, but the problem is that he is very attached to me and he doesn't leave me alone, he wants me to accompany him to anything and he talks to me a lot throughout the day which makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, because it distracts me and I don't do what I should be doing at that time, he also stopped sitting with his best friend and now sits next to me. Another thing is that he spends a lot of time sending me messages and since people have told me that it is a lack of respect not to answer them, I answer him and then he won't let me sleep.
I don't know how to tell him to stop without making him feel so bad, because he just went through a delicate situation
I'm so bad at this...



beady
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22 Mar 2020, 4:44 pm

Its hard to find a balance especially when a person is really just being nice but you need to set some boundaries.
You can do this in a kind way.

Next time he sits with you say you need to ask him something. Tell him you like him (if you do) but you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with your school work. This puts the blame on you instead of him.
Ask him if he would please only text you from *time you select* to *time you select*. And tell him you want to do well and need to get your work done, that it's important to you, and you know he will understand,,, so please ask him to please only talk to you *during lunch? or whatever works for you*.

That is just a general framework. It will be hard to start the conversation but once you get going it will be a huge relief if you get some rest from his attention.

Tell your friends you love them, appreciate their concern for you, and know they want the best for you but to please let you work out your own relationships. It is not disrespectful to have control over your time and your life. That just isn't true. If he doesn't respect your need for space, then you are not obligated to answer his texts.



Fnord
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22 Mar 2020, 6:50 pm

Tell him to stop. Your well-being (as well as your safety) is more important than his ego.

At the very least, give him the old "Let's just be friends / I only like you as a friend" speech. If he has any awareness at all, he will know immediately what you are trying to tell him. If he starts "why-ning", then report him as a stalker.

Stand up for yourself and put an end to it before he becomes totally obsessed with you.



quite an extreme
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23 Mar 2020, 2:27 pm

Azhar wrote:
I like to talk to him because he listens to me when I'm talking about my special interest, but the problem is that he is very attached to me and he doesn't leave me alone, he wants me to accompany him to anything and he talks to me a lot throughout the day which makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, because it distracts me and I don't do what I should be doing at that time, he also stopped sitting with his best friend and now sits next to me.


If you aren't interested in him tell him that you aren't interested in him but clear and not at all an indirect way. And no - you don't have to answer all messages and shouldn't once you don't want to signal interest.


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