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DW_a_mom
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10 Jun 2021, 6:21 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
20K monthly, what a loser; she "deserves" better. :lol:

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Yikes!

For all you guys who think men with the flashy job and money get all the women, here is the downside: they get the wrong women. Not necessarily ones who love them and will stick by them. They have no way of knowing who is with them for the right reasons until times get tough.

Same with super beautiful women. They never know.

I so prefer the kind of relationship I have. We’ve been there for each other through so many ups and downs.


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DW_a_mom
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10 Jun 2021, 6:30 pm

dorkseid wrote:
I highly shared values and interests. But some level of physical attraction is also important to me. But feeling attraction doesn't require that she has to look for a movie star, and I do not have any specific standards other than that she isn't ugly. I just know when I meet women whether or not I find them attractive. But it is also extremely important that we have shared interests. I would not have any interest in a long term relationship with someone physically attractive that I share nothing in common with.

My problem with women my own age is where they are in life compared to where I am. People my age generally are more settled in their careers, have more financial security, and more than likely own their homes or are making mortgage payments. They typically have children who are 16-18. I don't mind dating someone with little kids, but getting involved with the parent of someone is or is almost a legal adult really freaks me out. As someone who's never been a parent, I would not be able to relate to someone who's been dealing with that responsibility for nearly half her life.

Besides, the vast majority of women I've met in the past 10 years have been married or had boyfriends. And nearly all of the few that have been single have had no romantic interest in me at all. There have only been 2 or 3 who seemed to express interest, and they were all ones I knew I didn't want. For example, one woman who heavily hinted she was interested was huge, burly, and masculine.


Attraction can grow. I hope you will learn to allow for that.

I am sorry that life doesn’t seem to have given the opportunity to connect with the right person, and I know the odds go down as each year passes.

But the odds are never zero.

Figure out how to enjoy your life as just you, but don’t lock any doors. Figure out how you self-sabotage, then get out of your own way. I know it sounds trite, but it’s the best anyone can tell you.


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dorkseid
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10 Jun 2021, 7:13 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
20K monthly, what a loser; she "deserves" better. :lol:

Image


Yikes!

For all you guys who think men with the flashy job and money get all the women, here is the downside: they get the wrong women. Not necessarily ones who love them and will stick by them. They have no way of knowing who is with them for the right reasons until times get tough.

Same with super beautiful women. They never know.

I so prefer the kind of relationship I have. We’ve been there for each other through so many ups and downs.


So glad I have a woman who loves me and sticks with me through all the ups and downs.



auntblabby
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10 Jun 2021, 10:46 pm

there is real freedom, emotional and otherwise, in being a lone wolf.



DW_a_mom
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10 Jun 2021, 11:07 pm

dorkseid wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
....

Yikes!

For all you guys who think men with the flashy job and money get all the women, here is the downside: they get the wrong women. Not necessarily ones who love them and will stick by them. They have no way of knowing who is with them for the right reasons until times get tough.

Same with super beautiful women. They never know.

I so prefer the kind of relationship I have. We’ve been there for each other through so many ups and downs.


So glad I have a woman who loves me and sticks with me through all the ups and downs.


My apologies. It would be fair to describe my instinctive reaction to Boo's post as insensitive given the current discussion. I didn't really think that through.

I would like for you to find the right partner for you, and have already given my suggestions on that matter.


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dorkseid
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11 Jun 2021, 6:30 am

It's okay. It's nothing that's you did.

My ex-fiancé approached me and told me she wanted a relationship. I was not attracted to her. But I was desperate and I was afraid I was being shallow if I didn't give her a shot. What followed was 2 and a half years of emotional abuse. I didn't recognize it at the time, but from everything I studied afterwards she perfectly fit all the signs of how narcissists seek out emotionally vulnerable victims partners and abuse them. She gaslighted me, socially isolated me, constantly threatened to leave me, told me other women think I'm gross, etc. Then tossed me aside once I no longer was of any use to her.

So being an endatable weirdo does not guarantee I'll know a partner's love is genuine.



DW_a_mom
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11 Jun 2021, 4:16 pm

dorkseid wrote:
It's okay. It's nothing that's you did.

My ex-fiancé approached me and told me she wanted a relationship. I was not attracted to her. But I was desperate and I was afraid I was being shallow if I didn't give her a shot. What followed was 2 and a half years of emotional abuse. I didn't recognize it at the time, but from everything I studied afterwards she perfectly fit all the signs of how narcissists seek out emotionally vulnerable victims partners and abuse them. She gaslighted me, socially isolated me, constantly threatened to leave me, told me other women think I'm gross, etc. Then tossed me aside once I no longer was of any use to her.

So being an endatable weirdo does not guarantee I'll know a partner's love is genuine.


Point taken and very sorry you went through all that.

I do hope you see yourself (or can learn to see yourself) as something better than an un-dateable weirdo, however. The wrong partner can really play a number on one’s head, but it isn’t reality.


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dorkseid
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11 Jun 2021, 9:57 pm

If I wasn't undatable, then women would've dated me.

And my ex isn't the problem. Nobody had wanted to date me for years before I ever met her either. In fact, I wouldn't have dated her at all if I wasn't already desperate.



DW_a_mom
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12 Jun 2021, 6:19 pm

dorkseid wrote:
If I wasn't undatable, then women would've dated me.

And my ex isn't the problem. Nobody had wanted to date me for years before I ever met her either. In fact, I wouldn't have dated her at all if I wasn't already desperate.


The thing is, you have no way of knowing how many women would have been willing to date you that you never thought to ask or to get to know.

One of the unfortunate affects of ASD is that you aren’t likely to pick up the subtle signs of interest. My son will admit that he would never have known any women were interested in him if they had not been bold enough to say so. For every woman bold enough to go after what she wants, there are others who don’t have it in them to ever approach a guy. You have no way of knowing if any of those more reticent women would have chosen you.

I realize that being aware of that possibility doesn’t change your present reality. If they aren’t bold and you aren’t aware, nothing happens. But as someone who volunteered in the school system a lot while my kids were growing up, I know that my son connected with a lot more people than he was ever aware of or interested in pursuing. I could see it.

What could possibly help you is a really good wingman to read the clues for you, except I have no idea how to give you that.

My reason for bringing all this up is because a negative self-perception is one of those roadblocks you are likely throwing in your own way. To be love-able, it usually helps to believe you are love-able. So that is what I want you to see and believe: you are love-able.


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dorkseid
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12 Jun 2021, 8:47 pm

Every time I have asked or went out of my way to get to know someone, it always turned out she wasn't interested in me sexually or romantically. That it just so happens that every time I asked someone she was uninterested while I just never happened to ask any of the ones that were interested is just ridiculous.