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QFT
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18 Jun 2021, 7:42 pm

cyberdad wrote:
In Australia I was struggling to get girls to be interested in me sexually (let alone talk to me).


Was it a typo or did you actually mean to put it this way? Because the way you put it, it implies that getting a girl to be interested in you sexually is easier than getting a girl to talk to you. I thought it was the other way around.

cyberdad wrote:
I was bought up with conservative christian social values (at that time)


From our conversations about racial topics it sounded like you hold liberal views. I guess parenthetical remark "at that time" explains it. But was it just you whose views change, or did the views of your parents change as well?

Also I was assuming that people in Asia can be conservative too. Except that, instead of "conservative Christian" they would be "conservative Buddhist" or "conservative Hindu". I mean conservative in a sense that sexual promiscuity is really looked down upon over there, a lot more so than in the west.

Or are you saying that Malaysia specifically is different in this respect?

cyberdad wrote:
Ironically my future wife was already living in Australia.


Then it wasn't what I thought. So what would be your explanation as to why its easier to attract Asian women than Western women?



cyberdad
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18 Jun 2021, 8:38 pm

QFT wrote:
Was it a typo or did you actually mean to put it this way? Because the way you put it, it implies that getting a girl to be interested in you sexually is easier than getting a girl to talk to you. I thought it was the other way around.
From our conversations about racial topics it sounded like you hold liberal views. I guess parenthetical remark "at that time" explains it. But was it just you whose views change, or did the views of your parents change as well?

My parents are the same but I transitioned/changed. Perhaps University opened my mind.

QFT wrote:
Also I was assuming that people in Asia can be conservative too. Except that, instead of "conservative Christian" they would be "conservative Buddhist" or "conservative Hindu". I mean conservative in a sense that sexual promiscuity is really looked down upon over there, a lot more so than in the west.
Or are you saying that Malaysia specifically is different in this respect?

Yes that's true, but conservative Asian women won't date anyone anyway as they await marriage proposals. I'm talking about liberal minded/western educated Asian girls.

QFT wrote:
Then it wasn't what I thought. So what would be your explanation as to why its easier to attract Asian women than Western women?


It's not rocket science QFT, Girls who are educated in English speaking schools/colleges in Asia love western men. Many of the girls who were most open minded about dating westerners are christian or hindu (rather than buddhist or muslim). They loved how I look, the way I dressed, how I sounded (they adored my accent), but most of all I grew up in Australia so they were really really curious.

From your perspective, the fact you have a PhD, are western, are christian will make you high priority marriage material. Christian Indonesian girls are probably the best I came across. They literally swarmed out of villages when I visited Jakarta and tried talking to me. If I didn't marry my wife I would have picked an Indonesian girl. they are so cute.



QFT
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18 Jun 2021, 9:53 pm

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
Also I was assuming that people in Asia can be conservative too. Except that, instead of "conservative Christian" they would be "conservative Buddhist" or "conservative Hindu". I mean conservative in a sense that sexual promiscuity is really looked down upon over there, a lot more so than in the west.
Or are you saying that Malaysia specifically is different in this respect?

Yes that's true, but conservative Asian women won't date anyone anyway as they await marriage proposals. I'm talking about liberal minded/western educated Asian girls.


So are you saying that Asian liberals are even more liberal than Western liberals?

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
Then it wasn't what I thought. So what would be your explanation as to why its easier to attract Asian women than Western women?


It's not rocket science QFT, Girls who are educated in English speaking schools/colleges in Asia love western men.


But the thing is that Asian girl is excited about ALL Western men, not just you. If you are in Asia then yes this would translate into exitement about you since you are the only Western man around. But if you are in Australia then the majority of other men are just as Western, so then you no longer have any edge over them in this regard. And since Western girls "want to be paired up" too, then mathematically speaking there is no difference between Asian girl looking for 1 Western man because she is so super excited about it, or Western girl looking for 1 Western man because she wants to pair up. All that matters is that they both look for 1 Western man, so the competition is the same. UNLESS you alter the number "1" into something else by virtue of one of the following things:

a) Some Western girls don't mind possibility of 0 men (i.e. they don't mind being single)
b) Some White girls pair up with black men, which means there is more competition among White men for the "remaining" White girls
c) Western men prefer Western girls over Asian girls, so if you are looking for Asian girls then you are not competting with Western men, you are competting with Asian men
d) Asian girls are more promiscuous
e) Something else (specify)

So do you think it is any of the things I listed, or do you think it is something else I haven't thought of?



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18 Jun 2021, 11:46 pm

QFT wrote:
So what would be your explanation as to why its easier to attract Asian women than Western women?


I’ll interject again with a slightly different thought.

Beauty and attractiveness standards aren’t the same worldwide. The Asian women that western men find attractive form a different population circle than the Asian women Asian men find attractive. Similarly, the western men that Asian women find attractive form a different population circle than the western men western women find attractive. While there is some overlap among the circles, there is enough variation to create opportunities for those not considered particularly attractive in their own cultures.

Someone average in their own culture can become a hot prospect in a different culture on looks alone.

It doesn’t end there; differences in education, what people want from a partner, how people are used to conversing, how much attention they expect a partner to need, concepts of personal space, and so on, all create unique population circles that allow someone with little prospect in their own culture to stand out in a different one.

It doesn’t have to all be about money or immigration opportunities.


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idntonkw
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18 Jun 2021, 11:54 pm

cyberdad wrote:

From your perspective, the fact you have a PhD, are western, are christian will make you high priority marriage material. Christian Indonesian girls are probably the best I came across. They literally swarmed out of villages when I visited Jakarta and tried talking to me. If I didn't marry my wife I would have picked an Indonesian girl. they are so cute.


My classmate who is a big math nerd married a Christian Indonesian girl who was here on an F1 visa, she was from rich family and was making $100,000+ a year. He was her first boyfriend. She married him and had a kid. He is a stay at home dad now.



cyberdad
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19 Jun 2021, 2:53 am

idntonkw wrote:
cyberdad wrote:

From your perspective, the fact you have a PhD, are western, are christian will make you high priority marriage material. Christian Indonesian girls are probably the best I came across. They literally swarmed out of villages when I visited Jakarta and tried talking to me. If I didn't marry my wife I would have picked an Indonesian girl. they are so cute.


My classmate who is a big math nerd married a Christian Indonesian girl who was here on an F1 visa, she was from rich family and was making $100,000+ a year. He was her first boyfriend. She married him and had a kid. He is a stay at home dad now.


Bingo! I dated Indonesian christian girls as well. I was like a kid in a lolly shop so couldn't settle on one girl.



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19 Jun 2021, 3:04 am

QFT wrote:
a) Some Western girls don't mind possibility of 0 men (i.e. they don't mind being single)
b) Some White girls pair up with black men, which means there is more competition among White men for the "remaining" White girls
c) Western men prefer Western girls over Asian girls, so if you are looking for Asian girls then you are not competting with Western men, you are competting with Asian men
d) Asian girls are more promiscuous
e) Something else (specify)

So do you think it is any of the things I listed, or do you think it is something else I haven't thought of?


a) true, they can live without us, also many are non-binary/gay
b) a really small number (check the tinder preference statistics)
c) true, Asian men make a lot of demands. They see us westerners as more accommodating of their personal freedoms. We are actually doing them a big favor
d) No. Not sure where you got that idea?
e) Asian girls are like any other girls, they want to experience life to the fullest but don't necessarily want to sleep around. The moment you want to sleep with one (and I had plenty of offers) they will expect you to marry them. That's why I did a lot of kissing in the back seat of cars and (well you know).



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19 Jun 2021, 4:30 am

cyberdad wrote:
idntonkw wrote:
cyberdad wrote:

From your perspective, the fact you have a PhD, are western, are christian will make you high priority marriage material. Christian Indonesian girls are probably the best I came across. They literally swarmed out of villages when I visited Jakarta and tried talking to me. If I didn't marry my wife I would have picked an Indonesian girl. they are so cute.


My classmate who is a big math nerd married a Christian Indonesian girl who was here on an F1 visa, she was from rich family and was making $100,000+ a year. He was her first boyfriend. She married him and had a kid. He is a stay at home dad now.


Bingo! I dated Indonesian christian girls as well. I was like a kid in a lolly shop so couldn't settle on one girl.


knowing that i'm Asperger and knowing what I know about myself now, I know the women will very soon hit a wall with me and be disappointed and lose interest



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19 Jun 2021, 10:06 am

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
I remember you told me about working in Malasia, but I assumed the work was the main purpose you were there, not the girls. Yes you met your wife there but that was just by accident, while the purpose of being there is work.

Or are you saying I assumed wrong, and your actual purpose were girls while you looked for a work that would accommodate that purpose?

In any case, do you think in Asia it is easier to find women because they want to move to Australia and live more economically secure lives? But in this case this is not a true love, thats basically using you.


My main purpose was work-experience. However, in the back of my mind I also thought about meeting a girl (the light bulb). In reality I experienced something that I never experienced before dating in Australia. In Australia I was struggling to get girls to be interested in me sexually (let alone talk to me). But in Malaysia it was completely different. They literally threw themselves at me!! I was spoiled for choice, I had every type of Asian female literally tell me they wanted to get married.

I was bought up with conservative christian social values (at that time) so I never exploited my advantage by sleeping with these girls (many other expat men did) but I enjoyed a dating life and got to 1st base more times than I could count. I admit, I was intoxicated by my power and regret I may have broken a few hearts because I was spoilt for choice.

Ironically my future wife was already living in Australia. When I returned to Australia I joined Malaysian societies (I learned to speak Bahasa fluently but tended to communicate in English) and continued my new found status. I honestly never had experienced anything remotely like this among local Australian girls (even the so-called christian ones). I barely had a handful of dates with Aussies but had dated nearly a hundred asian girls and moved in circles where my friends were largely Asian female.

Ironically I did have to wait for my Malayisan born wife though as she was already dating somebody. Eventually waiting paid off :D


I've been wanting to leave the US and go to Europe or Asia for years. I got my TESOL certificate in 2015 and am currently working on completing my masters. I always liked the idea of living in Japan, but the reality of it is probably very different than my expectations. But I don't know how to get there. I looked for ESL jobs for a while, but I still couldn't understand the all the processes of how to get visas and other documents and approvals I need. I took an Amtrak to Austin once to attend a group interview for a teaching job in Japan. I didn't get selected for the next stage of the interviewing process, but I was encouraged to try again. Problem is that Austin is far enough that going there is expensive and time consuming and I can't afford to keep trying every few months. And every time I tried o find a job somewhere I kept having anxiety about going somewhere I've never been before where I don't know anyone and can't even speak the local language. I struggle enough to socialize and make friends already. And I am prone to occasional breakdowns and that won't end well for me if I'm in a foreign country on a work visa. Plus the medications I take for my depression and anxiety are illegal in many Asian countries and I don't know how or if I could find a doctor I can trust with confidentiality issues.

I'm curious what Malaysia is like. Is it not a Muslim majority country? As an ex-Muslim atheist, I try to avoid staying in those for a long term. What are expectations of women there? Someone mentioned that Philippinas are typically serious about religion and are looking for someone to marry fast. As an atheist, I try to avoid women who are serious about religion. I need to be intimate with a partner for at least a few years before I'll be ready to even consider marriage, so someone with an expectation of getting married from the start isn't really what I'm looking for. I don't have any religious or moral objection to casual sexual relations, but I do have a problem with deceiving someone and using her sex when she is hoping for something more serious.

A former supervisor of mine married an Asian woman, and she filed for divorce immediately after she received her US citizenship. I'm not saying that I think that all Asian women are like that, but I don't know how to distinguish the ones who are from the ones who aren't.

Besides, I kind of have a thing for black and Hispanic women.

Cyberdad: How old were you when you went to Malaysia? And how old were you when you met your partner?



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19 Jun 2021, 2:52 pm

Dorkseid, if I had to pick one trait that can make the most difference in getting what you want out of life, it would probably be persistence. With persistence, obstacles can be overcome. Yes you have real obstacles, but you also choose to imbue them with a weight that allows you to put a barrier between you and what you want. If you had more persistence, you could break through them, and I can see in your words that you seem to know that.

Perhaps working with a professional could help you get to a head space where you can apply more persistence.


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QFT
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19 Jun 2021, 3:45 pm

cyberdad wrote:
a) true, they can live without us, also many are non-binary/gay


That is something I was wondering about myself. I noticed that women often hug each other. But, as a guy, I wouldn't be able to hug another man. I actually brought it up to the women I was dating and they told me that no they weren't attracted to women. They said that the only reason I can't hug another man is because I was brainwashed into thinking it is "gay" to do it. But I told them that no it has nothing to do with a brainwashing. I just feel physically repulsed by it. But they still insisted it is brainwashing, they just said it must be subconscious or something. And I told them that I know for a fact it has nothing to do with it, but they still disagree with me.

What is your opinion on this though? Do you think when women are hugging each other they actually experience sexual pleasure from it, even if they are "straight"?

cyberdad wrote:
c) true, Asian men make a lot of demands.


I thought you were saying that Asian women just have fascination with Western men. Or are you saying that I misunderstood you and its not about Western men being interesting but rather it is about Asian men being too demanding?

cyberdad wrote:
They see us westerners as more accommodating of their personal freedoms. We are actually doing them a big favor


Yes this is a good point. And it is hypocritical of them to accuse Westerners of being prejudiced when their own countries are a lot more so.

Also the very fact that they could leave any time but choose not to shows that they actually know they are better off in the West. Yet they still accuse Westerners of racism.

cyberdad wrote:
d) No. Not sure where you got that idea?


I was just playing with numbers and looking for all possible mathematically consistent ways of not making it 1 on 1 matching.

If both Western women and Asian women are looking for 1 Western man, then the competition is the same. But if Asian women were promiscuous and look for more then one Western man, they would have smaller compeition.

But in any case, like I said I am just toying with numbers. I have no reason to think of them as promiscous otherwise.

cyberdad wrote:
e) Asian girls are like any other girls, they want to experience life to the fullest but don't necessarily want to sleep around. The moment you want to sleep with one (and I had plenty of offers) they will expect you to marry them. That's why I did a lot of kissing in the back seat of cars and (well you know).


I was trying to ask if you have any other explanation for Asian girls to be so much easier to attract than Western ones.



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19 Jun 2021, 3:47 pm

Persistence may work great in many areas of life. But when it comes to dating, persistence means being creepy or needy.



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19 Jun 2021, 4:00 pm

QFT wrote:
That is something I was wondering about myself. I noticed that women often hug each other. But, as a guy, I wouldn't be able to hug another man. I actually brought it up to the women I was dating and they told me that no they weren't attracted to women. They said that the only reason I can't hug another man is because I was brainwashed into thinking it is "gay" to do it. But I told them that no it has nothing to do with a brainwashing. I just feel physically repulsed by it. But they still insisted it is brainwashing, they just said it must be subconscious or something. And I told them that I know for a fact it has nothing to do with it, but they still disagree with me.

What is your opinion on this though? Do you think when women are hugging each other they actually experience sexual pleasure from it, even if they are "straight"?



It is a very Western phenomenon. In many other cultures, it is customary for men to hug and show non-sexual affection for each other by means of physical touch. For example, it is common in some places in the Middle East for men to hold hands with male friends in public.

Feeling revolution at the thought of hugging other men may indeed be a taught behavior. It is often difficult for people to recognize or identify their own cultural biases. But it could also be caused by ASD. The women you were having these conversations may not have understood how certain things feel very different for people on the spectrum. These types of misunderstandings are fairly common among neurotypicals.



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19 Jun 2021, 4:24 pm

dorkseid wrote:
Persistence may work great in many areas of life. But when it comes to dating, persistence means being creepy or needy.


Point, but you can use persistence to remove all the barriers that reduce your odds of coming into a natural and comfortable situation with the kind of woman who can fall for who you are.

It seems to me that your biggest obstacles are the roadblocks you put in front of yourself.


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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 19 Jun 2021, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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19 Jun 2021, 4:29 pm

dorkseid wrote:
QFT wrote:
That is something I was wondering about myself. I noticed that women often hug each other. But, as a guy, I wouldn't be able to hug another man. I actually brought it up to the women I was dating and they told me that no they weren't attracted to women. They said that the only reason I can't hug another man is because I was brainwashed into thinking it is "gay" to do it. But I told them that no it has nothing to do with a brainwashing. I just feel physically repulsed by it. But they still insisted it is brainwashing, they just said it must be subconscious or something. And I told them that I know for a fact it has nothing to do with it, but they still disagree with me.

What is your opinion on this though? Do you think when women are hugging each other they actually experience sexual pleasure from it, even if they are "straight"?



It is a very Western phenomenon. In many other cultures, it is customary for men to hug and show non-sexual affection for each other by means of physical touch. For example, it is common in some places in the Middle East for men to hold hands with male friends in public.

Feeling revolution at the thought of hugging other men may indeed be a taught behavior. It is often difficult for people to recognize or identify their own cultural biases. But it could also be caused by ASD. The women you were having these conversations may not have understood how certain things feel very different for people on the spectrum. These types of misunderstandings are fairly common among neurotypicals.


Dorkseid, I think you addressed this really well. My first reaction was “why is QFT asking men,” but you got to something I wouldn’t have thought of.

Hugs aren’t sexual for me. Shoot, that would be creepy because I hug my kids more than my husband. Hugs are affectionate. Comforting. And it is accurate to note that men feel and smell different than women in a hug. I think sensory issues can very well be the difference that explains QFT’s reactions.


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19 Jun 2021, 4:35 pm

I'm having a hard time too, and not only do I want to find somebody, I want to find somebody that I am actually physically and to a degree mentally attracted to. I want that girl. I'm more attracted to NT girls or higher-functioning ND girls. Save for almost 12 months with this one girl, I didn't have a relationship or date with a girl and rarely hung out outside of acquaintances.