The concept of "feeling wanted"

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QFT
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16 Jul 2021, 1:13 am

I walked into a grocery store, and heard the song "I will make you feel wanted". Now, I am not good at picking out lyrics from the songs. So I don't know what else it says. I am guessing it is a guy trying to convince the girl to be with him. Which is not even a guess since its obvious. Other than that I don't know that song.

But hearing the phrase "feel wanted" reminded me of a complaint that I had about women. In particular, the women rejected be because they didn't "feel wanted". I then got upset about it and start saying in a really pushy way "yes yes yes I do want you", but this didn't change their mind. So here is an obvious question: "why would the person who doesn't want you act so pushy?" In other words, why didn't the fact that I was so pushy convince them that I do want them after all? Granted, pushiness is a turn off too. But I never heard any woman say "alright, I see that you do want me; but now I don't want you for that other reason because you are pushy". Instead, they are saying something along the lines of "no I still don't feel wanted around you; and besides look at how pushy you are". Well, how exactly can these two (admittedly negative) traits possibly co-exist?

Let me give you an example. Most people don't like it when its hot. And most people don't like it when its cold either. Now, suppose that at first the heating was off, so it was really cold, but then the heating was turned on to the full volume, so it became really hot. Will you ever see someone say "I still think its too cold; by the way you also made it too hot too". That would be ridiculous. Well, when women say that I am both overbearing and not making feel wanted, that is ridiculous in a very similar way.

I realize that this is not what that song is about. But that song merely reminded me of the fact that the phrase "feel wanted" is of common use. The fact that "feel wanted" has a different meaning from "wanted" implies that its a common place scenario when someone is "wanted" without actually "feeling" wanted. Now, if being "wanted without feeling wanted" is a thing, then rejecting someone who wants you on the basis that you don't "feel" wanted is a thing too. But that is precisely the situation that I am complaining about. So if person A rejects person B because person B presumably doesn't want them, and the Person B feels hurt by that rejection, isn't this a ridiculous situation? By the very fact that Person B feels hurt we know that Person B wants Person A; yet they are being rejected because they presumably don't want them.

I realize that nobody is entitled to anyone, so simply because I want the woman to date me doesn't make her obligated to do so. But here is the thing. If a woman rejects me for her own reasons, then fine, she is entitled to her preferences. But the situation we are discussing is when she rejects me because presumably I don't want her. Well, IF that is the sole reason for rejecting me, then convincing her that I do want her should, logically, "undo" that reason. And I don't see why it doesn't.

I guess a more logical scenario would be if the woman were to say "alright I now realize you want me, but I have a brand new reason not to date you: you are being overbearing". But that doesn't ever happen that way. What happens is she still says she doesn't feel wanted, and my being overbearing is just another reason on the list. And thats where it doesn't make sense: its like saying that the room is way too cold and way too hot at the same time.



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16 Jul 2021, 8:35 am

The song is titled "Wanted"

Hunter Hayes wrote:
You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everythin' that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up
And I wanna show you what I see tonight

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted
You'll always be wanted


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that1weirdgrrrl
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16 Jul 2021, 5:46 pm

Fnord wrote:
The song is titled "Wanted"
Hunter Hayes wrote:
You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everythin' that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up
And I wanna show you what I see tonight

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted
You'll always be wanted


I feel this explains it pretty well actually....

It's not about saying "I want you"

It's about doing all of the affectionate things like kissing and holding hands and cuddling.

Maybe give the song another listen :D


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Sweetleaf
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16 Jul 2021, 10:29 pm

Well being overbearing does not make a person feel wanted, just makes them feel you want to control them...in which case it doesn't feel like you want them but rather a version of them you'd like to create. And if its not quite a serious relationship yet it can make it seem like you are going too fast and pushing a little too hard to force it, rather than letting anything happen naturally.

By feeling wanted, people mean they want to feel like you can understand them or are trying to see where they are coming from or at the very least willing to listen. And like you really care about them and accept them for who they are. It doesn't mean they want you to mantra 'I want you, I want you I want you...are you happy now!' at them and get mad when that doesn't do the trick.

I mean I've got a story about a guy I met before my boyfriend I've been with now for a long time. I met him at a bus stop and we talked a little and he expressed interest in wanting to date me, so I exchanged numbers with him and said me and him could plan to meet somewhere next week and get to know each other. I was actually looking forward to the idea to see where things went. But when I got on the bus to go home he just started texting me non-stop and getting rather heavy with I love you stuff and acting like we were already long term partners kinda then started getting rather mean when I wasn't like texting back to his constant stream fast enough and wouldn't listen when I said we'd have to get to know each other before I could decide if I want to be his girlfriend, and it freaked me out. So I had to just text him that I didn't want to go on a date with him anymore and to stop texting me but it just sucked, because I really was going to meet him and give him a chance but he ruined it by being overly pushy. sorry if I have already told that before and I'm just being a broken record...but the point is if you are too pushy that will scare people away.


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cyberdad
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16 Jul 2021, 11:44 pm

Fnord wrote:
The song is titled "Wanted"
Hunter Hayes wrote:
You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everythin' that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up
And I wanna show you what I see tonight

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted
You'll always be wanted


I think the song is about a guy who is literally saying
1. I need you
2, I want you
3. You are mine

The third point is a little uncomfortable as it suggest the guy does want to control the girl...a little stifling

But the fellow doesn't want to sound creepy so he tries to sell the idea by saying that he will make her feel that "she's wanted". i.e. in demand.

That's all well and good, but at the end of the day the girl must reciprocate as her needs are equally important too. I don't know many girls who would simply fall for a man who says he needs her as technically any girl who is 5/10 or higher is in-demand by most single men.