How do you know if you should be exclusive or not?

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ironpony
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01 Jul 2021, 1:16 pm

There is a woman I started dating and I think it's going really well and on the fifth date coming up now. But I don't know if we should just be seeing each other or other people as well. Should I ask her, or will that come off as too much commitment too soon? But on the otherhand, I don't want to see others, but also have her get turned off by it, if she expected exclusivity from me at this point.

What do you think?



Fnord
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01 Jul 2021, 1:18 pm

I think you should ask HER.



ironpony
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01 Jul 2021, 1:20 pm

I asked her, and she said it was all good, and we can see whoever I want, but I felt like she answered in a way in which she was testing me maybe, or maybe I am overthinking it?



Fnord
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01 Jul 2021, 1:28 pm

Everything is a test; and yes, you are overthinking it.



ironpony
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01 Jul 2021, 1:52 pm

Oh okay. What do you mean everything is a test exactly?



Muse933277
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01 Jul 2021, 4:15 pm

Before you become exclusive with her, what are your absolute deal-breakers that you 100% will not compromise on? And then once you have those figured out, then figure out if she possesses those deal-breakers.

For instance, if you absolutely cannot date a girl who smokes or does drugs, find that out pretty quickly so you won't waste your time.



Muse933277
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01 Jul 2021, 4:22 pm

The key is to be completely direct and clear, so she 100% understands what you're trying to say.

If you're ready to become exclusive with her, first off ask her this "What do you think about us becoming exclusive?" and then she will tell you how she feels. Maybe she agrees and now you two are officially a couple. Maybe she tells you she needs more time, then you continue to date her and then ask her again after a month. The key is to not get angry if she tells you no; just tell her that you understand and you two can still date and continue to get to know each other.




Before you become exclusive with her though, make sure she doesn't possess any of the deal-breakers that you 100% will not compromise on. If your deal-breaker is a woman who doesn't believe in God, ask her if she's religious. If you can't date a girl who smokes, ask her if she's a smoker. It's better to find these things out early instead of wasting months dating a girl where there is a fundamental difference between you two.



ironpony
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01 Jul 2021, 8:29 pm

Well she said that she is open to a relationship down the road, but likes where we are at right now. What does that mean or what counts as where we are at? Just seeing each other but not exclusive?