How do you keep new relationships platonic?

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Relax_on_Standby
Snowy Owl
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05 Oct 2021, 11:30 pm

How do you do it? I'll get in conversations with a female I meet at work and unexpectedly they'll confess to me. Maybe it's because I'm charasmatic about my interests or if I have some mysterious bad boy aura, idk. I just try to be engaging and nice but I feel guilty because I rarely make a point to deliberately let them down because I don't want to make it akward. The sad part is many of the woman that I attract are very beautiful and usually have a nice personality, but initiating close relationships makes me too anxious. I feel guilty and I'm really stepping on my own foot by not pursuing anyone.


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funeralxempire
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06 Oct 2021, 12:45 am

I don't. :oops:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Oct 2021, 1:09 am

Be uglier.


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Relax_on_Standby
Snowy Owl
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06 Oct 2021, 1:13 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Be uglier.

Maybe I'll shave my eyebrows...


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babybird
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06 Oct 2021, 3:09 am

I have a similar issue.

Women will stampede over each other to get to me.



Minervx_2
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06 Oct 2021, 10:02 am

Quote:
I rarely make a point to deliberately let them down because I don't want to make it awkward.


Their emotions are their responsibility - not yours. It's on them to accept it and move on.

It's 100% your right to reject someone if you're not interested. Of course, you do it as respectfully as you can, but it's better to be honest that you're not interested than to be ambigious and them feeling led on.



AprilR
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07 Oct 2021, 10:40 am

Story of my life. It is doubly hard when you are a woman and don't have many friends so you try to be friendly and nice to people but they think it is flirting.



Relax_on_Standby
Snowy Owl
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09 Oct 2021, 2:00 am

AprilR wrote:
Story of my life. It is doubly hard when you are a woman and don't have many friends so you try to be friendly and nice to people but they think it is flirting.

It's the worst when it's your friends partner coming on to you. I also seem to attract married woman, it's horrible because they'll be head over heels over me but I have no respect for that behavior.


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Relax_on_Standby
Snowy Owl
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09 Oct 2021, 2:03 am

One of the problems that comes from this is when I meet a woman that I do want to pursue but she won't talk to me because she thinks I'm a narcissistic a***h*** who sleeps around with everyone when that's furthest from the truth.


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AprilR
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10 Oct 2021, 8:27 am

Relax_on_Standby wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Story of my life. It is doubly hard when you are a woman and don't have many friends so you try to be friendly and nice to people but they think it is flirting.

It's the worst when it's your friends partner coming on to you. I also seem to attract married woman, it's horrible because they'll be head over heels over me but I have no respect for that behavior.


Wow that's disgusting. I have (hopefully) never experienced this, unless someone who asked me out was secretly married and i didn't know. But i know people who flirt with multiple guys at once and even that seems so shallow and insincere to me.



Muse933277
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10 Oct 2021, 10:24 pm

Relax_on_Standby wrote:
How do you do it? I'll get in conversations with a female I meet at work and unexpectedly they'll confess to me. Maybe it's because I'm charasmatic about my interests or if I have some mysterious bad boy aura, idk. I just try to be engaging and nice but I feel guilty because I rarely make a point to deliberately let them down because I don't want to make it akward. The sad part is many of the woman that I attract are very beautiful and usually have a nice personality, but initiating close relationships makes me too anxious. I feel guilty and I'm really stepping on my own foot by not pursuing anyone.



Hot people problems, can't relate.



that1weirdgrrrl
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11 Oct 2021, 12:07 am

AprilR wrote:
Relax_on_Standby wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Story of my life. It is doubly hard when you are a woman and don't have many friends so you try to be friendly and nice to people but they think it is flirting.

It's the worst when it's your friends partner coming on to you. I also seem to attract married woman, it's horrible because they'll be head over heels over me but I have no respect for that behavior.


Wow that's disgusting. I have (hopefully) never experienced this, unless someone who asked me out was secretly married and i didn't know. But i know people who flirt with multiple guys at once and even that seems so shallow and insincere to me.


I once had a married man flirt with me in front of his son..... in a church. I was really tempted to ask him if his wife knew what he was doing :roll:

Sorry I don't have any practical advice.... I also told a male friend that I wanted to hang out just as friends, and he took that as a challenge :lol:

I usually end up cutting contact with persistent unrequited crushes. Unless someone can get over it, they never end well :(


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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Oct 2021, 5:10 am

Relax_on_Standby wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Be uglier.

Maybe I'll shave my eyebrows...



Yes, that's totally guaranteed to work.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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11 Oct 2021, 6:23 pm

I also don't have any good advice to give to you.


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cyberdad
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11 Oct 2021, 6:31 pm

If this an issue for you (and you are certainly not obliged to entertain unwanted attention) then just be good humoured and pleasant in blocking their advances.

A few suggestions
- "you like my clothes! so does my girlfriend! she picked it for me
- "you want to to know a little more about me? well I've been dating Sara for a few years now"
- "no I don't have a girlfriend, I broke up recently and am feeling like not pursuing anyone"
- "gosh! does anyone know a good treatment for herpes?"



Itendswithmexx
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17 Oct 2021, 11:12 am

Wear a wedding ring.