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kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2021, 3:34 pm

In retrospect, I was pretty lucky. My mother was dynamic in advocating for me. She pored through psychological journals looking for things like research studies. She was an undergraduate student in psychology at that time, and a full-time homemaker.

One was found. I was part of a research study in 1966, when I was 5 years old. The study occurred in a naturalistic setting: a place called "Camp Harrelson," in Upstate New York.

In the study, there were kids diagnosed with autism, and a "control group," consisting of typically-developing children (my older brother was in the study as a typically-developing child).

I was placed in therapy, and I was followed around by a young girl whom they called my "babysitter." She also tried to encourage me to speak.

One day, in the therapy room, I said my first phrase, which was something like "I see a cat." Afterwards, I started going up to people----asked questions, and made requests.

By the time I was six, I was speaking like a typically-developing child----though I wasn't socially appropriate. That year, I learned to dress myself, and to be fully independent in eating. I didn't learn to write until I was 6 1/2.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 03 Dec 2021, 3:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 3:36 pm

I guess it’s hard to put into words on here. It’s different just the feeling of being together rather than trying to explain it to people in writing



kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2021, 3:40 pm

I can understand that.

I once asked a woman why she "couldn't" love me. She couldn't give me an answer. All she could do was shrug her shoulders.



dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 3:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I can understand that.

I once asked a woman why she "couldn't" love me. She couldn't give me an answer. All she could do was shrug her shoulders.

She already told me she loved me…



kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2021, 4:05 pm

I hope the sentiment stays consistent.



Sweetleaf
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03 Dec 2021, 4:27 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Sorry guys, the anxiety has just been getting the best of me of late.

She works in the restaurant of the golf course that I work at and they close down for the season every December-March. Maybe knowing that I won’t be able to stop by and see her at work is making me a little crazy right now. I am also trying to find a new job and move out of home, but that’s a whole different issue.

I’m pretty sure we know we are exclusive to one other without really having said it. She told me she has never really seen a guy in her life and I’ve only had one serious relationship so our combined lack of experience is a factor here I think. We mutually agreed on spending Christmas together and buy each other presents and all that and also said we loved each other the last we were out on a date. She has told me she wants me to meet her best friends and parents and I have said the same to her. Last week we went to dinner and then her place after for a little bit and I helped her and the woman she is living with cook a little bit for Thanksgiving. And then on Friday I took her to a hockey game and it was great again like every time I am with her in person. Holding hands, etc, all that good stuff.

She is admittedly a terrible texter and prefers face to face and I’m the same way. Maybe that’s where knowing I’m not going to be seeing her at work is making me a little loopy right now.

She has mentioned that we should do some double dates with her sister and boyfriend and her friend and her fiancé at trivia nights, etc, things like that and I thought was a great idea honestly.


There’s a lot more that I haven’t said, but now that I’ve vented about all this so far I think I just need to take a big deep breath and tell myself everything is great with her.

Sorry if this is all so confusing



I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask her how she sees the relationship, like have the conversation to establish you and her are on the same page. Could very well be it is the case without saying it, but kind of helps solidify it I think if you actually talk about are you for sure boyfriend and girlfriend and do you both want to see it last long term?

It can feel like a kind of awkward conversation I suppose but it's a good one to have to kind of establish things. In my case my boyfriend brought it up after the first couple months and I was actually glad because the clear communication was helpful.

I feel like we already have established we’re in it for the long term just by talking about wanting to spend Christmas together, do other activities together, wanting to meet family and friends, etc even though we haven’t I guess “officially” talked about it


Also how he both say how it just feels right when we’re together


That makes sense, but still might want to talk about like what you and her want in the relationship. Like are you going to want to live together eventually or sooner than later, do you want kids or not and such. It does seem you both have genuine feelings for each other...but it takes more than love to make it work out in the long run.



dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 11:08 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Sorry guys, the anxiety has just been getting the best of me of late.

She works in the restaurant of the golf course that I work at and they close down for the season every December-March. Maybe knowing that I won’t be able to stop by and see her at work is making me a little crazy right now. I am also trying to find a new job and move out of home, but that’s a whole different issue.

I’m pretty sure we know we are exclusive to one other without really having said it. She told me she has never really seen a guy in her life and I’ve only had one serious relationship so our combined lack of experience is a factor here I think. We mutually agreed on spending Christmas together and buy each other presents and all that and also said we loved each other the last we were out on a date. She has told me she wants me to meet her best friends and parents and I have said the same to her. Last week we went to dinner and then her place after for a little bit and I helped her and the woman she is living with cook a little bit for Thanksgiving. And then on Friday I took her to a hockey game and it was great again like every time I am with her in person. Holding hands, etc, all that good stuff.

She is admittedly a terrible texter and prefers face to face and I’m the same way. Maybe that’s where knowing I’m not going to be seeing her at work is making me a little loopy right now.

She has mentioned that we should do some double dates with her sister and boyfriend and her friend and her fiancé at trivia nights, etc, things like that and I thought was a great idea honestly.


There’s a lot more that I haven’t said, but now that I’ve vented about all this so far I think I just need to take a big deep breath and tell myself everything is great with her.

Sorry if this is all so confusing



I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask her how she sees the relationship, like have the conversation to establish you and her are on the same page. Could very well be it is the case without saying it, but kind of helps solidify it I think if you actually talk about are you for sure boyfriend and girlfriend and do you both want to see it last long term?

It can feel like a kind of awkward conversation I suppose but it's a good one to have to kind of establish things. In my case my boyfriend brought it up after the first couple months and I was actually glad because the clear communication was helpful.

I feel like we already have established we’re in it for the long term just by talking about wanting to spend Christmas together, do other activities together, wanting to meet family and friends, etc even though we haven’t I guess “officially” talked about it


Also how he both say how it just feels right when we’re together


That makes sense, but still might want to talk about like what you and her want in the relationship. Like are you going to want to live together eventually or sooner than later, do you want kids or not and such. It does seem you both have genuine feelings for each other...but it takes more than love to make it work out in the long run.

The topic of kids has come up in conversation and we both want them



kraftiekortie
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04 Dec 2021, 8:01 am

Well….there you go!

What’s stopping you?



dtcyankee
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05 Dec 2021, 2:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Well….there you go!

What’s stopping you?

Nothing at all. I think it’s going great. I just worry what she is doing when I’m not with her and we are both admittedly bad texters



dtcyankee
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05 Dec 2021, 7:29 pm

Nades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)

Just went back through everything and saw this.

So I’m an idiot for dating at the age of 31?



Sweetleaf
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05 Dec 2021, 8:34 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
Nades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)

Just went back through everything and saw this.

So I’m an idiot for dating at the age of 31?


I would not say that.

Though if you and her are both serious about the relationship, there is no reason to take it 'too' slow. Like you'll want to progress the relationship past just 'dating'...basically you don't want to date her for a couple years or more only to find out it won't get more serious.

Have you guys had sex yet? and if not what sort of reasons? I guess point is if you guys are sure about each other its certainly not too early to have that kind of intimacy. Wheras perhaps if you guys take it too slow and keep it to just dates but no sex things could fizzle out if you both start thinking the other is losing interest. Also, though if you have talked of both wanting children then you may want to start talking about and planning things like moving in together and perhaps marriage. Might be awkward if you guys are living in separate apartments and have a baby...



dtcyankee
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06 Dec 2021, 10:23 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Nades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)

Just went back through everything and saw this.

So I’m an idiot for dating at the age of 31?


I would not say that.

Though if you and her are both serious about the relationship, there is no reason to take it 'too' slow. Like you'll want to progress the relationship past just 'dating'...basically you don't want to date her for a couple years or more only to find out it won't get more serious.

Have you guys had sex yet? and if not what sort of reasons? I guess point is if you guys are sure about each other its certainly not too early to have that kind of intimacy. Wheras perhaps if you guys take it too slow and keep it to just dates but no sex things could fizzle out if you both start thinking the other is losing interest. Also, though if you have talked of both wanting children then you may want to start talking about and planning things like moving in together and perhaps marriage. Might be awkward if you guys are living in separate apartments and have a baby...

We’ve only been talking for 4 months lol. I’m not in it just for sex like most everyone apparently is these days.



kraftiekortie
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06 Dec 2021, 10:27 am

I don't agree with that statement. Not everybody is in it merely for the "sex." In fact, that could said about most people.



dtcyankee
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06 Dec 2021, 2:45 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't agree with that statement. Not everybody is in it merely for the "sex." In fact, that could said about most people.

Exactly. It’s only been 4 months with us, so I’m not trying to get too worked. It seems like anyone I talk to says take it slow, but I come in here and it seems to be the opposite.



Nades
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06 Dec 2021, 2:53 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
Nades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)

Just went back through everything and saw this.

So I’m an idiot for dating at the age of 31?


Nope. People can date at any time of their life but they just need to be realistic about the realities of dating at different stages of life. The older you get the more important time becomes. Like I said taking it slow as teens is different to taking things slow in your 30s. More women are settling down with kids and your options will get fewer and fewer so you need to keep that in mind.

You're getting older and the opportunities are shrinking. Waiting becomes more risky for you if you are interested in kids and to an extent even if you don't.



dtcyankee
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06 Dec 2021, 3:48 pm

Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
Nades wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)

Just went back through everything and saw this.

So I’m an idiot for dating at the age of 31?


Nope. People can date at any time of their life but they just need to be realistic about the realities of dating at different stages of life. The older you get the more important time becomes. Like I said taking it slow as teens is different to taking things slow in your 30s. More women are settling down with kids and your options will get fewer and fewer so you need to keep that in mind.

You're getting older and the opportunities are shrinking. Waiting becomes more risky for you if you are interested in kids and to an extent even if you don't.

I guess we’ll just agree to disagree then. She’s the same way as me it sounds in terms of a lack of experience so I guess I should tell her the same thing you’re telling me.