Dating a virgin for the first time.

Page 4 of 8 [ 116 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next

Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 32,846
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

25 Oct 2021, 12:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
The OP's mindset is how a lot of women 25+ and especially 30+ would feel about meeting a guy who's never had a gf or never had sex, let's be honest.


I don't really think a lot of dating hypotheticals since I'm already in a relationship. But idk If I was single and met a guy I liked who was a virgin I think I'd probably give them a chance that would be the only way to determine if they're sexually compatible or not. If not, then no I would not settle for an unsatisfying sex life and would break it off...being 32 I do feel too old to deal with that.

But unlikely I will be single any time soon.


So you would be setting a mission impossible for the virgin if you give them only “a chance” to determine his sexual worth : he’s a virgin, 0 experience, he will surely fail at first (especially if he knows that you're way more experienced than him and testing his performance), it is like "satisfy me now, or else you're out" thing.

He would surely need some time to become experienced in this.

Actually, that attitude would be too much pressure even on a non-virgin guy having it with you for the first time.


I did not mean like only have sex once to determine it. I figured more like trying it out a few times and seeing if it seems to have potential. But I do have some specific err preferences so if we, were to discover that is not what they're into, well I imagine I would not find them compatible.



AquaineBay
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2017
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 937
Location: Houston, Texas

25 Oct 2021, 2:37 pm

ironpony wrote:
I feel like there is a perhaps a double standard or hypocrisy here, because some of the remarks are saying that the OP is being shallow perhaps, for thinking of a woman still be a virgin as a red flag.

However, lots of women think it's a red flag if men are still virgins past their 20s, all the time, and it's considered 'normal', to think that way about guys who are.

However, if a woman is still a virgin later on in life, and the guy thinks of this as red flag, then people think it's 'shallow' of him. But isn't it a double standard, if a woman thinks of it as a red flag, then it's normal, but if a man thinks of it as one, that it's shallow?


DING DING DING!! ! WE HAVE A WINNER! This is totally double standards and hypocrisy because as you said women question men on things in their 30s (being a virgin is one of them) and yet no one bats an eye. Yet when a man comes and does the same thing suddenly he's called "condescending", "shallow", "picky", etc.

Hurtloam I think you are being rather rude and I think you might need to take a step back and take personal feelings aside about what you think of OP in general(and making a generalization that men don't have feelings when it comes to dating). Also Mona Pereth, while it is an overgeneralization you can't exclude the fact of reality that most women do not approach men. Many videos and posts across the internet will tell you that what he said overall is true(by men and women).

Also in your 30s you don't exactly have all the time in the world to sit, chat, and see if things work out cause guess what? If you want kids and you are dating a woman(with intention of marriage and family) in her 30s you have about 12 years before it's too late to have children(and those years can fly by quick!). It's like the men remember this fact but women forget(or forgot) that this is a thing.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 37
Posts: 3,579
Location: canada

25 Oct 2021, 2:43 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Nades wrote:

Older I would say is 25+. Average age at losing it is generally about 17 so it's considerably later and has me wondering. I have the feeling she might possibly be asexual.


Women don't commodify their bodies by "doing the deed" on schedule to drive sociological data, or to assure future partners that they aren't disabled in bed.

Nades wrote:
As a result she's timid and clearly won't be able to make any moves or even give feedback and signals in return. Probably an autistics nightmare thinking if it.


WTF.

So wait, her lack of experience means she won't be able to give feedback ... for YOUR pleasure and to stroke YOUR ego?

It will be a nightmare for .... you??

You're objectifying her. This is not about you.

It sounds more like a potential nightmare for HER, to be judged, shamed, and stereotyped by someone who doesn't respect women's autonomy or respect the choices they make for their body.


I don't see why her lack of experience means she is not qualified to like your performance. If she likes it she likes it.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,513
Location: Queens, NYC

25 Oct 2021, 6:02 pm

I don't think "being a virgin" should raise any red flags, regardless of gender.



ironpony
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Nov 2015
Age: 37
Posts: 3,579
Location: canada

25 Oct 2021, 8:26 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I feel like there is a perhaps a double standard or hypocrisy here, because some of the remarks are saying that the OP is being shallow perhaps, for thinking of a woman still be a virgin as a red flag.

However, lots of women think it's a red flag if men are still virgins past their 20s, all the time, and it's considered 'normal', to think that way about guys who are.

However, if a woman is still a virgin later on in life, and the guy thinks of this as red flag, then people think it's 'shallow' of him. But isn't it a double standard, if a woman thinks of it as a red flag, then it's normal, but if a man thinks of it as one, that it's shallow?


DING DING DING!! ! WE HAVE A WINNER! This is totally double standards and hypocrisy because as you said women question men on things in their 30s (being a virgin is one of them) and yet no one bats an eye. Yet when a man comes and does the same thing suddenly he's called "condescending", "shallow", "picky", etc.

Hurtloam I think you are being rather rude and I think you might need to take a step back and take personal feelings aside about what you think of OP in general(and making a generalization that men don't have feelings when it comes to dating). Also Mona Pereth, while it is an overgeneralization you can't exclude the fact of reality that most women do not approach men. Many videos and posts across the internet will tell you that what he said overall is true(by men and women).

Also in your 30s you don't exactly have all the time in the world to sit, chat, and see if things work out cause guess what? If you want kids and you are dating a woman(with intention of marriage and family) in her 30s you have about 12 years before it's too late to have children(and those years can fly by quick!). It's like the men remember this fact but women forget(or forgot) that this is a thing.


Oh why is it that a lot of men remember but a lot of women forget if that's true? But as for the OP, is there any advantages to dating a virgin vs, not that perhaps we can suggest to him to think about?



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Oct 2021, 5:14 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't think "being a virgin" should raise any red flags, regardless of gender.


The OP said something along the lines of a red flag being that she has no relationship experience. He thinks this will be an indication that she will be needy and demand too much.

I think it shows the opposite. She's obviously ok on her own, through either choice or circumstances. She's learned to get through life on her own and will have acquired life skills.

I don't know who she's living with or what she's doing for work, but based on my single female friends they're quite independent and able to look after themselves with out clinging onto someone.

The red flag men see in me is that I'm too independent. I have my own house, tiny car, pets, friends and a goodish job. They think I don't need them at all.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Oct 2021, 5:16 am

ironpony wrote:
I feel like there is a perhaps a double standard or hypocrisy here, because some of the remarks are saying that the OP is being shallow perhaps, for thinking of a woman still be a virgin as a red flag.

However, lots of women think it's a red flag if men are still virgins past their 20s, all the time, and it's considered 'normal', to think that way about guys who are.

However, if a woman is still a virgin later on in life, and the guy thinks of this as red flag, then people think it's 'shallow' of him. But isn't it a double standard, if a woman thinks of it as a red flag, then it's normal, but if a man thinks of it as one, that it's shallow?


But I don't think that it's a red flag for a man to still be a virgin. So I'm not a hypocrite.

I date men whom I actually like and enjoy spending times with. I don't care if they're virgins or not or what they do for work etc.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Oct 2021, 5:25 am

AquaineBay wrote:
ironpony wrote:
I feel like there is a perhaps a double standard or hypocrisy here, because some of the remarks are saying that the OP is being shallow perhaps, for thinking of a woman still be a virgin as a red flag.

However, lots of women think it's a red flag if men are still virgins past their 20s, all the time, and it's considered 'normal', to think that way about guys who are.

However, if a woman is still a virgin later on in life, and the guy thinks of this as red flag, then people think it's 'shallow' of him. But isn't it a double standard, if a woman thinks of it as a red flag, then it's normal, but if a man thinks of it as one, that it's shallow?


DING DING DING!! ! WE HAVE A WINNER! This is totally double standards and hypocrisy because as you said women question men on things in their 30s (being a virgin is one of them) and yet no one bats an eye. Yet when a man comes and does the same thing suddenly he's called "condescending", "shallow", "picky", etc.

Hurtloam I think you are being rather rude and I think you might need to take a step back and take personal feelings aside about what you think of OP in general(and making a generalization that men don't have feelings when it comes to dating). Also Mona Pereth, while it is an overgeneralization you can't exclude the fact of reality that most women do not approach men. Many videos and posts across the internet will tell you that what he said overall is true(by men and women).

Also in your 30s you don't exactly have all the time in the world to sit, chat, and see if things work out cause guess what? If you want kids and you are dating a woman(with intention of marriage and family) in her 30s you have about 12 years before it's too late to have children(and those years can fly by quick!). It's like the men remember this fact but women forget(or forgot) that this is a thing.


My perspective is that it's better to have a good quality relationship than it is to have children. Too many people rush things.

But I am being rude deliberately to make a point. I don't think you guys understand how women actually feel. Got your attention didn't it. I feel like you guys don't get it so I have to use hyperbole because it's just so out of your grasp. It's like talking to walls.

Ironic that you tell me to step away from my feelings when I'm trying to tell you how I feel, how women feel. Are feelings not important in romantic relationships?

I'm so frustrated trying to get my point over. I don't know how.

I'm not a hypocrite. I tell women where to go when I think they're unreasonable. Don't you remember my blow up with emoji lady last year? I can't remember her username, but she had an aspie husband and used a million hearts.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

26 Oct 2021, 5:46 am

Makes hasn't answered my question. I got off track. I think this is the main issue.

Do you actually like her or are you just dating her because she's child bearing age? Do you genuinely feel a connection? Does she make you happy? Do you get warm fuzzy feelings when you think about her? Does she make you smile? Do you feel positive around her? Does she listen to you? Is she interested in you as an individual?

Or do you feel like it's an effort to go and meet her? Does it feel like hard work trying to make conversation with her? Do you feel in your gut that this could go somewhere? Do you want us to give you validation to let her go?



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1931
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,391
Location: wales

26 Oct 2021, 7:25 am

hurtloam wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't think "being a virgin" should raise any red flags, regardless of gender.


The OP said something along the lines of a red flag being that she has no relationship experience. He thinks this will be an indication that she will be needy and demand too much.

I think it shows the opposite. She's obviously ok on her own, through either choice or circumstances. She's learned to get through l ife on her own and will have acquired life skills.

I don't know who she's living with or what she's doing for work, but based on my single female friends they're quite independent and able to look after themselves with out clinging onto someone.

The red flag men see in me is that I'm too independent. I have my own house, tiny car, pets, friends and a goodish job. They think I don't need them at all.



There are different types of needy and demanding. There is emotionally needy, financially needy, time needy and labour needy. She actually isn't needy and I never implied she was. I also said out dates are going mostly OK too.

As AquaineBay touched on earlier. Do something for a long time and then suddenly changing your mind always makes people wonder. It's not just her virginity that's the issue, it's the fact she's made it through her teens and 20s and showed zero interest in guys...up until now. You know how the saying goes. Old habits are hard to break and that's a truly entrenched habit if she doesn't really want to break it.

On to these questions you asked:-

Do you actually like her or are you just dating her because she's child bearing age? I guess I like her so far.

Do you genuinely feel a connection? To an extent

Does she make you happy? It's to early to tell yet.

Do you get warm fuzzy feelings when you think about her? To early to tell yet again I think.

Does she make you smile? When I meet her she does from time to time.

Do you feel positive around her? Not really positive but she gives off no negative tense moments which is good.

Does she listen to you? Certainly does.

Is she interested in you as an individual? Hard to tell.
She seems eager to date and talks non stop out of sheer anxiety. When we part our ways between dates she's not talkative at all.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 78,513
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Oct 2021, 7:38 am

Just remember you have to be gentle with a virgin for her "first time." Both emotionally and in a physical sense. My ex-fiancee was a virgin when we made love for the first time. And I was no Casanova, either.

It took a lot of patience, and some pain on her part--but it was, ultimately, worth it.

Just like women have to be emotionally gentle to male virgins.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,880
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

27 Oct 2021, 5:15 pm

You would have devirginized her long ago if you spent time with her instead of writing all these long overthinking posts in this thread.


_________________
Come here to get the Block functionality for Wrongplanet:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=390645


Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,970

27 Oct 2021, 10:59 pm

I'd be concerned that she's possibly asexual or takes sex way too seriously.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1931
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,391
Location: wales

28 Oct 2021, 12:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You would have devirginized her long ago if you spent time with her instead of writing all these long overthinking posts in this thread.


It's only been 5 weeks.

If I made a thread in the WP work forum asking "My friend has never had a job and he's 29, would he be able to handle a full time job now?" I strongly suspect nobody would have cared.

For some reason because the subject of this thread is a virgin and a woman it seems to have poked a hornet's nest.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

28 Oct 2021, 3:05 am

A job isn't letting someone who could potentially hurt you penetrate your body... well not usually.

It's different. You need to find someone you trust to make that step. She hasn't found anyone yet.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,184
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

28 Oct 2021, 3:08 am

Nades wrote:

On to these questions you asked:-

Do you actually like her or are you just dating her because she's child bearing age? I guess I like her so far.

Do you genuinely feel a connection? To an extent

Does she make you happy? It's to early to tell yet.

Do you get warm fuzzy feelings when you think about her? To early to tell yet again I think.

Does she make you smile? When I meet her she does from time to time.

Do you feel positive around her? Not really positive but she gives off no negative tense moments which is good.

Does she listen to you? Certainly does.

Is she interested in you as an individual? Hard to tell.
She seems eager to date and talks non stop out of sheer anxiety. When we part our ways between dates she's not talkative at all.


I'm not sure I would want to continue dating a guy who was that lukewarm about me, unless I was desperate, which I'm not.